Emotionally unsupportive spouses

[Txchef_fran]

Honestly girls I have never met anyone who doesn't have a husband with these "traits". I have decided to come to terms with the fact that Men are from "Mars and Women are from Venus" and move on. Some days are harder than others but MOST are not going to change. This is why we have this great site so we can get all of the friendship, sensitivity and understanding from our fellow FamilyCorner.com friends.

you all and all your women wonderfulness!!

[MoMtO3&LuViT]

I am new to these boards and just read this thread and had to post.

This is what has recently occured in my house. On Novemeber 9th, I got a terrible case of viral conjuctivitis in my right eye. It was terrribly painful and resulted in a viral throat infection. There was nothing that the doctor's could give me so I just had to suffer through. I ended up with the infection spreading to my left eye also. Then on the 19th I stepped on a big piece of broken glass (because my vision still isn't 100% and I couldn't see it) and I cut my foot resulting in a trip to the ER and 5 stitches. After that I came down with my toddler's cold. Now I have been sick most of this month and my DH (I don't mean dear ) hasn't bothered to clean a thing! My parents are coming on Thanksgiving and my house is a wreck and I am still not 100% healthy. He hasn't even bothered to try to pick up the junk unless I get up and try to do something myself and then he says, "Oh, don't do that I will get to it." Yeah, right!:mad: He received a Playstation2 because he will be leaving for Korea for 12 months on December 15th and wanted to have it over there. He has done nothing but play those stupid games and vegetate in front of the TV. He then has the audacity to get angry with me when the house is a mess and it makes him feel crazy! ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Oh and his favorite statement to me is, "Well, I am just trying to help you out around the house." I HATE that!!!! If you make a mess around the house then you are just as responsible for cleaning it as I am!!! The worst part of all is that my children see his behavior and, of course, thank that it is OK to make a huge mess and expect me to be the one who cleans up! Well, once DH is gone they have a whole new think coming! I plan to get my house organized and get everyone on a schedule of chores and outings and when he returns, he will either have to get with the picture or become one miserable person!!!

Please, don't misundersstand, I love my husband dearly, but I am through talking to him about how I feel about this. I am through trying to get him to help me. If he wants to act as though the things I need are unimportant then fine. When he gets back from Korea he will see first hand just how well we did without him and perhaps he will then be more willing to do his share and be a bigger part of the family!

[Candy]

my dh has been a jeckel and hedd for many years and I have been able to live with it just fine most days. But since I have been hurt life is horrible. He never stops reminding me how everything in our marrige that is wrong is my fault. Yes most of the latter is my fault but I can't do anything about that and it would be nice if he realized how much I need some support from him. I love him and most of the time realize he loves me, or at least I hope so. Why does he think everything I do is so judging (badly) of him. He does a lot of good things but so do I. It don't do any good so I'll go now . I need some happiness too! I just found out that the intercom is unhooked. I sleep in another room... why didn't he tell me this? It hurts so much....

[Sammi1961]

I just found this thread and am amazed that there are so many of us who love our dhs but feel undervalued and unappreciated.

Stacey, I could relate to every thing you said!!

My dh goes to work and then comes home and either plays video games or watches tv. I work 11 hour days as a home daycare provider and am responsible for all of the housework and most of the yard work. I have 3 dks who have a tendency to immitate their father and do not pitch in unless I throw a fit and make them. I do all the laundry, cleaning, cooking, help with homework, mow the lawn, shovel the walkway in winter, vacuuming, chauffeuring, walking the dog & pet care,and anything else that needs doing. He does not feel the least bit guilty watching me work while he lying on the couch with his feet up watching a baseball game. I gave up asking him to help clean a long time ago but have asked him to at least pick up after himself (his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, dirty laundry in the hamper etc.) and yet he won't even do that. I keep doing all that I am doing and just try to make it through the day but every once in awhile the resentment builds up and I get so angry at the way things are. They are certainly not fair. I am up an hour and a half earlier then he is, work more hours a day then he does and never get any help from him or even a kind word. He has no idea how far a simple compliment would go. I am tired. He also goes away for weekends and this Monday he is leaving for a week long motorcycle trip. He knows I am always here to pick up the slack so has no problem going off to do whatever he wants. He does not respect my job and will say things like "why don't you go out and get a real job". I love being home for my children even though they are older now and I love the children i care for. I actually like my job. Unfortunately, if I go out and get a different job, all the same responsibilities will be mine on top of it only with less time to do it in. Ok, I am done venting now. I do love my dh very much and want very much to stay married and grow old with him. He just does not make it very easy. And to everyone else out there in the same situation, know you are certainly not alone!!! Let's hope we can all educate our sons to be kinder and more considerate to their wives!!!

[fluffy3512]

I do understand also i love my hubby but now days i feel like a maid . I try to grit it and bare it but some days are just hard . Were dealing with a teen that is well should i say lazy . I do pray things will change for my family . Have you ever had problems with your teen and its hard to deal with . A constant battle .

[Sammi1961]

fluffy3512, Yup, i can relate to the teen thing too. My dd just graduated college last spring and is working but does not help out around the house unless I refuse to let her use the computer until she does some chores. My ds2 is a senior in high school and he helps out a lot when I ask but I hate asking as he is always the one to pitch in. Ds2 is extremely lazy and I cannot get him to do anything. he is most like his father. He is almost impossible to motivate or get to pitch in at all and when he does it is often a half hearted attempt. He has a temper and it is hard to know what will set him off as well and we have no idea where the temper comes from as neither dh nor I have a temper. He is only 13 so adolescence is going to be a very long challenge with him.