Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
Posts: 12,099
Need to vent about DH's smoking !
First of all, I dont smoke...never really have. I say never really because I did try it years ago and hated it.
Anyway, My DH smokes, has since I met him so this is no new shock to me. The problem is that he has been promising to try to quit or at the very least, slow way down. At first he would make a carton of cigs last 2 weeks so while I hated it, I didnt say much. Now he is at the point of buying a cartion every six days !!
This is driving me crazy mainly for 3 reason : His health, My DS's & my health from second hand smoke and the money that is being wasted every week to supply him. ( I have cut every corner that I can think of to save money and so has he to a point....as long as I dont cut into the money for these.)
He doesnt smoke in the house but everything that comes into the house from him smells like smoke. When we are in the car, we also smell like smoke and frankly, Im sick of it !
Am I over reacting to this ? I realize that this is his only vice as far as things go.....he doesnt drink all of the time, doesnt go out with the guys and leave me at home or any other crazy things but its getting to the point where it is driving me nuts !
The bottom line is that I want him to quit but I would settle for him cutting back for right now. Im starting to feel resentful when he spends the money on cigs when we surely could use it for something else.
How do you feel about this subject ? How do you deal with it in your households ?
I feel sorry for you and your child(ren). I never have smoked, but worked in hospitals, and nursing homes in past years where I saw the results of smoking. If your dh ever saw a man with CA of the mouth, lips, and esophagus he might be awakened. A man I took care of spent part of his time in the hospital at the bathroom sink, spitting blood, losing part of his lip at the same time--pieces of it. Others with respiratory problems-emphysema, to name just one, where many end up gasping for their last breath, begging for help-air--while we stood around the bed, watching, because nothing else could be done for them. Most were on oxygen 24 hours a day, and another man I had who was so badly off, STILL wanted a cigarette, and was very nasty when told, "NO". Both he, and the man in the room with him were on oxygen, and there always is no smoking allowed in those cases. This guy was so addicted, he wanted to take off his oxygen mask so he could smoke, and he didn't give a whit about the other patient. His wife was at her wits' end with him. He eventually was taken to ICU for a spell, and when he came back to his room--you guessed it--he wanted a cigarette! Needless to say he didn't get it, and shortly after, he died....gasping for air.
Your hubby really should see some of these things to make him realize what he is doing to himself--and his family.
Marilyn.
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Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.
[SIZE=3]Oh, How I sympathize with you. As an ex~smoker, I am more out~spoken on this subject, than one who never, or just tried to smoke. As I read your post, my life with cigarettes came back to me....re~living exactly what your dh is going through. I began at the ripe age of 17 yrs. I had graduated high school, had a 40 hour work week in downtown Detroit, (I lived in northwest Detroit.) plus attended Cosmetology School part time at nights. I fell into a group of learned people, who all smoked. I felt I needed that arch to lean upon and then I would be welcomed into their little click. It began as one every now and then.....maybe a pack would last 2 weeks. My habit grew steadily. Loved ones (Mainly "Blondie" ~ my mother.) would do their best to try to get me to quit. My excuse??..I told everyone that I "enjoyed" smoking. Years ~ many years have passed since I was 17. I increased my consumption of those little "coffin nails" to 3 packs per day!
You ask "What made me quit?" I visited an Aunt, whom I hadn't seen for years. She was tied to an oxygen tank 24/7. She wasn't able to do any everyday functions. Not even use the bathroom by herself. My Uncle did all of her "life" for her....and then had to do his own. The man never complained about anything, only kept saying..."I asked her to quit." There was no hope for her...only to get worse. She passed away last January. I'll have been a non smoker for 4 years this coming New Year's. A person isn't really living, when like my Aunt. I don't want to end up like that. I went through really bad withdrawals for quite awhile, but it was well worth it.
All in all, what it amounts to be is that your dh HAS to WANT to quit, all on his own. And just cutting back won't do it. I went cold turkey, and I truly believe this is the only way to try ~ ~ and keep trying ~ ~ to quit. The more people tried to talk to me about quitting, the more I defended myself, and lit one up! I'm hoping your dh will see how much this effects you, and maybe will try to quit. [/SIZE
]
Carol Ann
autumnmum 2002
"Coupon~Aholic's"
Swap Club ~ 2002 carolzap@webtv.net
I am so glad you posted about smoking. --And I'm even happier you finally quit. You have had so much happen to you since leaving home that you didn't need to add a thing like smoking. Coming from parents who didn't smoke I guess I was more than naive to think none of the four of you would smoke. --Alas, all of you took it up. Now three of you have quit. Believe me, I understood why all of you did, but once you kids left home, you were your own boss, and I don't think I ever tried to run any of you after your leaving. --Tell me if I am wrong. You were such a healthy girl when at home, it was heart-breaking to see what has happened to your health since then. I never would have imagined all those things would happen to one of my kids. I never have had such problems most of my life, and sort of took for granted it would not come to any of you. God must have His reason for keeping you
with us, and is the reason I want to see you often as I can. I love you to pieces.
Love, Mom.
__________________
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.
Hi,
I smoked infrequently as a teenager and my hubby smoked very frequently as a teenager (we met in high school). Now we both can't stand even the smell of smoke!
My father smoked until I was a teenager, then he quit cold turkey. My f.i.l. smoked regularly and tried to quit several times, but his mother (grand-m.i.l.) still smokes like a chimney!
F.I.L. had octopulet-bypass in February. He was in relatively good health in general. Never really over-weight, cholesterol was always fine and exercised pretty frequently, but according to his cardiac dr. it was hereditary & the smoking. Thank God, he is much better now and WILL NOT even think about smoking after what he went through with open heart surgery.
Hubby's grandfather, was diagnosed with emphysema in 1985 and quit smoking immediately, but his wife (grand-m.i.l.) continued to smoke and didn't extend the courtesy to go outside at least! :mad: (I still have alot of anger toward her for this) Grand-f.i.l. passed away 3 years ago from the emphysema - it was a horrible and very lengthy death! Grand-m.i.l. continues to smoke, she doesn't believe ANY of the research about 2nd hand smoke and gets upset with us that we don't want her to smoke around us or our daughter. My brother-in-law recently reminded her about the many promises she made to us about quitting smoking while her husband was in and out of hospitals, but she tells us she's too old to try to quit now (sigh). My 5 yo dd has tells her every time she's sees us that smoking is bad for her heart (dd saw her grandfather after bypass surgery) and is also bad for her lungs. Grand-m.i.l. just laughs at her ......
I just know that eventually, she will be diagnosed with lung cancer or have a heart attack. I hate to see her have to go through what grand-f.i.l. went through with empysema, but I don't think she has any idea what she's doing to herself
After every visit with her, we have to strip down before coming into our house because all of our clothes reek of smoke and she knows it but it doesn't embarrass or upset her.
If your mil didn't get the message when your fil went through what he did, the only time, I fear she will is when her turn comes, and she is gasping for air--choking, actually.
My brother's wife was a smoker, and when they married she promised him she would quit. Well, she didn't, and we all watched her go downhill, until she was on oxygen 24/7, taking breathing treatments, and could not bathe, or dress herself without help. It really wore my brother out, taking care of her, and she was in and out of the hospial over and over again. She was on a 50-foot tether at home--her line to an oxygen machine, and still had a hard time breathing. By then she admitted she couldn't stand the smell of smoke. I received a long distance phone call last Jan. 4th to tell me she was "gone". I flew up for the funeral, and stayed with my brother for a week. During that time he showed me three snaps he took of her last days while in the hospital, and, she didn't look like the same woman. She looked as if she was already "gone". They had had plans to do a lot of traveling. Well, now it can't happen.
If it were me, I would put my foot down regarding smoking in your home, and near any children. It is selfish for one to go into another's home, and demand to be allowed to smoke. The excuse that it is too late to change is ridiculous, and therefore, everyone else should go along with it as if their feelings don't count. --Send her outside, ready, or not.
__________________
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone.
May I suggest the Nicoderm Patch. It works!! But only if the person using it is serious about quitting. It has a support progam online too. I know it work because it worked for me. A twenty year smoker and I quit with the three step program. The first step is the hardest and takes alot of will power but is well worth it. Maybe you could suggest this to your husband.
Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
Posts: 12,099
Thanks, I will tell him how the patches worked for you and suggest that he give them a try.
Right now our lives are filled an enormous amt. of stress and I dont think that he nor I could stand him if he were to quit now. I realize that over the years he has become very dependent on them and I want to work with him to let go of the dependency. I dont want to become an enabler by giving in to all of his excuses but I do think that now isnt the right time. Ive talked to him about quitting and he has promises to try when we move and get things straightened out with his job. I will do my best to hold him to that promise.
It will be a while before everything smoothes out around here but I will post an update when the time comes.
Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.
(Mainly "Blondie"
I visited an Aunt, whom I hadn't seen for years. She was tied to an oxygen tank 24/7. She wasn't able to do any everyday functions. Not even use the bathroom by herself. My Uncle did all of her "life" for her....and then had to do his own. The man never complained about anything, only kept saying..."I asked her to quit." There was no hope for her...only to get worse. She passed away last January. I'll have been a non smoker for 4 years this coming New Year's. A person isn't really living, when like my Aunt. I don't want to end up like that. I went through really bad withdrawals for quite awhile, but it was well worth it.
