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Marriage Marriage is a huge comittment, one that has many ups and downs. Get support and advice here.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 08-16-2004, 08:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by tashablueyes
Unfortunately I think our roomate (and dhs good friend) would notice... and that's not exactly within my comfort zone. I am afraid nothing really interesting will happen until he moves out... hopefully in Oct.
Oh my gosh! I had forgotten you mentioned this about a roomate somewhere before...

No wonder there is a kibosh on your romantic life... I don't think I'd be feeling much differently...


And
Quote:
Originally posted by tashablueyes
The worst thing for me is when I am laying on my side and he puts his hand on my tummy... I would have lipo and a tummy tuck in a second, I know that no amount of exercise will get rid of the leftover pregnancy skin, and it is oh, so depressing!

I hate my bellies too!! And I can't blame it on post-pregnancy excuses anymore... .

I just go so progressively oout of shape since I got hurt, and had all my surgeries... And I jturned to food as my "drug of choice"

I hate mirrors...and I don't know how DH can still be attracted to me.. But I'm thankful that he is.. and I choose to count my blessings, rather than examine his sanity... LOLOL!!
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  #42 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2004, 06:26 AM
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Quote:
I choose to count my blessings, rather than examine his sanity..
LOL...i think the same hold true about my husband...

it brought a tear to my eye..i am very lucky..we all are to have these men who no matter what me look like or think we look like..
they stand by us and to them we are mrs. universe the most beautiful women in the world...so many other women have men who put them down and make them feel insecure for much less than our faults..

round of applause for them...and i think im making him his fav dinner and dessert..just cuz

thanks lifestar
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  #43 (permalink)  
Old 08-17-2004, 10:39 AM
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Yeah, Dh is awesome, a pain in my tushy, but I really feel so... I dunno, like if I have to drag my tubby butt to the swimming pool if he comes with me, he is still somehow proud to be with me, so I don't feel so awful, you know? And I can always ask him for directions to somewhere and he is infinately patient about explaining (using landmarks, not streets!) he is a sweet guy, if only he would remember that!
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  #44 (permalink)  
Old 09-14-2004, 01:28 PM
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Can I whine a little? I am not happy. My dh is bi polar, he had a complete breakdown ten years ago. At times things are okay but not right now! He is happy and responsible with his job and with church. When he walks in the door, he quits. Everything is up to me. Homeschooling the kids, he never wants to know what they are doing. Bills, me. Repairs around the house, I have to nag him. If I ask him to do something, he always forgets. He has been moody and crabby lately. I grabbed his medication bottle last week by mistake and whamo! He isn't taking his meds. ?? He forgets. No, he says he forgets but he doesn't want to take responibilty for his illness. As for sex. He wants a grab here or there then when it is bedtime, nothing. He acts like a three y o. He wants a mom. His mom and him have never gotten along. In 25 years I have never seen her give him a hug or say something nice. She is a nasty person. I think he has issues with her. When I say he won't do anything around the house, I mean nothing. It took 18 years before he would mow the lawn with out me or his father telling him. Dh was raised to make his dad happy, Period. Dh is in his 40's and still wants to make daddy happy. We have tried counseling. Dh will say anything to look good but will do nothing. I am really unhappy.I would move into the guest room if we had one. I am really tired of all this. I think I deserve better than having a dh who wants me to take care of him............ The day we got married, he quit balaning the checkbook, paying bills, everything was dumped on me. I did ask him last night what would he do/feel if people at church found out how he acted at home? He would be ashamed and embarrassed. But he won't do anything.......
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  #45 (permalink)  
Old 09-14-2004, 02:01 PM
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Connie I am so sorry to hear that you are burdened with all of this. We all need support from our spouses, whether it be from wife to husband or husband to wife.

I was MISDIAGNOSED as being bi-polar 4 years ago, and for a little over 2 years I didn't care about anything. I was IN a severe depression, sucidal as a matter of fact due to alot going on in my life....but what make me so angry is that they had misdiagnosed me, put me on several medications that robbed me of my memorey of those years that I will never get back!!! I lost the first years of my grandson's life and that infuriates me!!!

I don't have an answer for you.....it's not easy to live with someone who has made up his mind not to do anything. This is what it sounds like to me. If his "daddy" would want him to do it, that might motivate him...but I fear it wouldn't last.

I think I would ask the question that if this would embarass him in front of church and friends, then why not do something about it? Does he think you wouldn't "let the cat out of the bag" to save his face? It may have to come to that. I certainly hope not, because I don't believe in humilating anyone.

He must play a great "game" in counseling for them to not be able to see it. That sorta amazed me. What type of couselors are you going to? Do they know of your husbands history? Have you gone on your own?

Just a few insights....please know that I am hear whenever you need to vent...everyone needs someone to vent to. Thank goodness we have FC to come to and do that.

I will be keeping you and yours in my prayers that this will be resolved to a healthy, happy marriage.

Nancy
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  #46 (permalink)  
Old 10-06-2004, 08:31 AM
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All i can offer is a big hug bluebird

wish i could say something positive...
but as i read your post i admit i got a little ...lets say annoyed

my DH tried something similar right after we got married
he had to choose between shape up or ship out

hope things work out
im here if ya need someone to vent on...

{HUGG}
Nancy
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  #47 (permalink)  
Old 10-06-2004, 09:16 AM
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Well, I am more than a little annoyed with him. And he has heard about it. Tonight he will either help ( I will give him a list ) around the house while I take the boys to church OR he can take the boys to church AND prepare the snack for all the kids. His choice.

I was sick over the weekend and NOTHING got done. Also next week dh has a appt about his meds. I don't think they are working very well. I am not going with him but I can and will, if needed call the doctor and talk with her. I aint gonna take it anymore.
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  #48 (permalink)  
Old 10-06-2004, 09:26 AM
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I agree

i agree with you calling the doctor sometimes you have to be your loved ones advocates...esp if they arent following a treatment correctly....

maybe he needs some tough love...

im so sorry you have to go through this...

hope all goes well...

we're here if you need us {hugg}

PS..
i used the word "annoyed" because i figured the
words i was thinking of would definitly get edited
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  #49 (permalink)  
Old 10-06-2004, 01:01 PM
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Bluebird, I am so sorry this is still going on for you! Like Bensmom, I will edit what I have to say!

There is no excuse for a 40 year old man to sit on his butt if his wife is sick and he knows she is sick and there is things that need to be done! I am sorry, I know he has an illness, but he needs to take the medicine and he needs to get his act together!

If you don't feel the meds are doing what they should be doing, by all means, call the doctor! I really don't believe that your hubby will say anything to her. Why should he? That is a great excuse for him. Sorry, but that is the way I see it.

As for him trying to please his "daddy", he must come to terms with that and realize that 1. HE is an adult ; 2. If he has done nothing yet to please his dad, he sure isn't going to do anything now!; 3. HE has a family that MUST come first before HIS need to please his dad!!! and 4. HE has to take the responsibility of taking his medicine the way he should so that he can do all that a husband and father is suppose to do.

Granted he will have "bad" days, being bi-polar, but, he can function on a day to day basis with it. He can be a good, decent man, father, husband with this disease!! He MUST stop trying to please his dad, he MUST stop using his disease as an excuse and he MUST step up to the plate and be a man. Even if that means, a one on one with his dad. I had to do it with my mom, and well, we never did have the best relationship, and once I did that, things were not great and never were, but she got off my back and she knew I would stand up for myself and not take her "mess" anymore.

Kellydid
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  #50 (permalink)  
Old 10-06-2004, 01:27 PM
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I am going to write dh a letter, stating what needs to be done with himself. What I will and will not put up with anymore. With a date to see some changes. If not, he will see the door.
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