My DS, who has been in and out of trouble since he was 11. Is now finally turning his life around. He has a good girlfriend, and they are trying to move forward in their lives.
The problem is DS can't get a job. I feel so bad for him. If he doesn't come up with $175 by the 24th of the month he goes back to prison.
I know he is trying to get a job. I have taken him to several places to fill out applications. And he is not being picky. He even went to the garbage company to get a job doing whatever there.
He is having a hard time getting hired at a place like Kmart, WalMart, and quick shops, due to having theft charges. No one wants someone like that working a cash register.
Currently he is collecting aluminum to cash in to try to pay his fines. But, I guess everyone is cashing that stuff in as it is not worth much right now.
There hasn't been enough snow for him to clear driveways.
What is a 19 y.o. to do with a criminal background, in a tough economy?(sigh)
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Karen
When I was young, I always said I wanted to be someone...I guess I should have been more specific!
I work with ex-cons and I have worked with inmates. My question is has he talked to his PO about his situation? Has he tried getting a job at both McDonald's AND Taco Bell (or similar places)? There are those 24 hour places, such as Denny's they are always needing a cook. They are usually always hiring. He wouldn't have to work the case register either. Many times they don't care about his criminal background history.
But, he would need to prove to his PO that he has gone to many, many places to look for a job. Otherwise, he will be arrested.
My advice is not to bail him out. Let him take the punishment for whatever happens. The only way he will learn to think for himself is for others to let him accept the consequences for his own behavior. I know it is difficult not to help him and not to watch him suffer. But, if he is to grow up to be a stable individual, he will have to learn for himself. Also, check to see if there are counseling centers at any local universities. Many give counseling low cost or free for him.
Good luck to him and you. It is difficult to let our adult children make adult mistakes and take adult consequences.
Debora, it is not his PO that is threatening to send him to jail, yet. It is the District Justice, for fines that have to be paid.
I have no intentions of helping him out. I feel we are doing more for him already than what we should. By letting him live/eat here rent free. With very little chores
With the second shift the only place around here that is open 24 hrs is McDs, and that one I think was pretty much ruined for him by my DD. When she worked there and flipped out, and just walked out. And DS had filled out an app. while she still worked there and used her as a reference.
Anything else he would have to take the bus for, and the buses stop running at 6p.m. and don't start again until 6am. Not to mention he would need bus fare for getting the job, and than for the first week.
But, thanks for the reassurance, that I am not being a donkey by not bailing him out. I needed that!
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Karen
When I was young, I always said I wanted to be someone...I guess I should have been more specific!
No, you are not being a donkey. You are being too nice to help him out at all. But, they make it so difficult for inmates to make it once they get out that parents sometimes have to help. But, if he really wants a job, he will find one. He can also write to the judge for assistance too or to ask for more time.
I have a 17 year old son that moved out on his 17th b-day because he didn't like the rules. Well he wanted to come back home almost a year later. I thought he had learned his lesson so we let him move back in. It didn't last even a month and he's left again. Next time he's not coming back. He's gonna have to figure it out himself. Some kids have to learn their lessons the hard way.I guess for me its nice to know I'm not the only parent out there having a rough time with a kid.I will keep your family in my prayers.
Feel sorry for your DS too the way the system works. Hopefully they can extend the time so He does not have to go back to prison. Glad to see He has turned his life around. Is there anything He can make to sell at flea markets or ebay to make some money where His record does not hinder him. I pray that things work out for you all.
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Sueanne
__________________ *~*~ The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you already have.~ *~*
Feel sorry for your DS too the way the system works. Hopefully they can extend the time so He does not have to go back to prison. Glad to see He has turned his life around. Is there anything He can make to sell at flea markets or ebay to make some money where His record does not hinder him. I pray that things work out for you all.
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Sueanne
__________________ *~*~ The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you already have.~ *~*
]Sorry for the repeated post must have checked it twice was interupted while writing it.
This has really bothered me since too young fellows that I had helped in the past are dead now because they could not get jobs and lived in the streets. One fellow actually went to jail for stealing on Christmas Eve to get gifts for His seven children when he was separated from his wife. He was only 41 years old and died from a massive heart attack sitting on a recliner. The other was beat up while walking at night to work since He did not have a car.. Lost His job and was living in the street. Found him dead too from complications.
I know I am a sucker for a hard luck story but I do help when I can and listen to them. They call Me Mom since they know I care about them like i do my Son who is disabled.
Prison is not like jail. You are locked in cells. Jail they are all in large rooms where they can pick who to talk too for the duration of their time. I have not seen where anyone is any better after getting out of jail just made them bitter.
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Sueanne
__________________ *~*~ The secret to happiness is not to get what you want, but to want what you already have.~ *~*
Sueanne, I have to agree with you, it only makes a person more bitter after getting out of prison. I feel sorry if this 19 year old would have to go back to prison over $175 in fines because he couldn't find a job. .....Mom 2-4....IMO No one knows their child as well as their mother. If you feel he is turning his life around, that is great! I commend you for sticking by him in the good times and bad times. If you truly believe he is on the right path and it's in your budget I would lend him the money to keep him out of prison. Maybe one more chance, if he is trying to turn his life around. ........A young man age 20 lives in our neighborhood. He has been in trouble many times. He has turned his life around with the help of family/good friends. Our family has given him much encouragement. He also had many problems finding a job. The system really doesn't help much. He finally did find a job and worked hard and proved himself. He is a good person who had made mistakes in the past and he regrets them, but that's the past and IMO don't look back keep moving ahead. He has even enrolled in a couple college classes........I do know people who have made mistakes and did move on.....I hope your son makes it. I wish you and your son all the very best. God Bless you both....Hugs....
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"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
