Question for Catholics

Irish Angel · #1 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 11:23 AM

My husband, ...whom I love dearly has just lost his mother on May 21st. He'd gone to Mexico for 3 weeks and he is in a severe state of depression. He has become a different person.
Needless to say, having our marriage convalidated now is out of the question. In fact he has pushed me away. I am praying that this is temporary and will come to his senses....HOWEVER

He has moved out and is living with his sister.

I want to draw close to the Lord, and I with ALL of my HEART want to RECEIVE the LORD in my 1st Communinon.
When I spoke to our hispanic "priest" (we are a part of the latino community) , and he informed me that the only way is to have my current marriage anulled or he will not allow me to receive the Eucharist.

I love my husband, and we are still married. I do NOT want a divorce... I want to have our marriage eventually blessed OR remain alone.

I was understood that even DIVORCED couples could receive IF they abstained and remained alone.
Can you PLEASE clarify this for me?

My heart is shattered and I am so confused. Our other priest ( a very godlly man) is out on vacation so I posted to see what my on-line Catholic family thought! I hesitated at posting, because I didn't want to "whine'.
I continue to hang on to the Lord but I am SO BURNED UP at this situation with our Hispanic "priest".

PLUS, I had emailed our "priest" about the situation and HE TOLD MEMIN'S NEPHEW the content of the email. Now I realize it was not done under confession, but I am a lil' more than angry.

I will continue to give my husband his space. He is consumed with the passing of my mother-in-love.

My younger daughter has been so strong for me. They are prepping her for management at Micky D's even though she is only 16...

My son's hand is broken. When we'd gone to the Chiropractor, he'd asked if he could get his hand adjusted. They X-rayed it and the 4th carpal something (lol) is fractured. He hit a wall in Mexico when he found out his grandma had passed, so its been a month. Doc said it needs a hand cast and he should be ok. Need to get that taken care of, but he is so busy taking care of me! LOL

Both kids want to go to confession, but now and for obvious reasons they won't go to our church until the other priest returns. Meanwhile, here I am with out the body and blood to sustain me.

My husband has taken this extremely hard. What blows my mind is that our "priest" rather than counsel us or pray with us, wants us to just end it, 17 years just like that.

I sent the email I'd sent you to the Tribunal in our diocese. I am waiting for a response. Do you guys have an opinion?

I so covet your prayers.

Hugs to each of you...sorry to shock you. I just didn't know who to turn to that would understand. I know you love the Lord and the Church as do I.

I keep trying to remember the CHURCH is HOLY just not ALL of her members

Hugs and Blessings...

PS: A divorce and/or an anulment is out of the question. We will reconcile or I will remain alone in service to the Lord!

FYI, my husband and I had JUST gotten my previous "marriage" from when I was 15 anulled. That to me was NOT a marriage and the Tribunal agreed. Although my current (and to me my ONLY) marriage was not convalidated, I do not feel it could nor should be anulled. I believe I should reconcile or remain alone.

Opinions, thoughts? Prayers coveted!

debknechtel · #2 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 01:54 PM

Cathy I am so sorry to hear all this......I don't know what to say except that we are all here to listen and be supportive. Sorry I can not answer your questions........Sending BIG HUGS your way

Hugs dEbbie

barbszy · #3 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 03:42 PM

Cathy, it is my understanding that if the marriage was not blessed in the Catholic Church, it cannot be annulled in the Church. I would recommend that you check with a priest on that, just to be sure. Annulment law is a little complex.

A very dear friend of mine was married (civil marriage) to a man who had been married in the Church and then divorced but never annulled. She was unable to receive the sacraments, the priests told her, unless she and her husband were willing to stop "living as husband and wife" until the annulment of his first marriage and the blessing of this marriage could take place.

It is a shame that your priest shared the contents of your email. You'd think he would have a little more discretion than that.

I think that if I were you I would wait until the other priest returns from his travels and make an appointment to speak with him personally. Write down all your questions. Let him know that you want to receive the sacraments and that you want to do this right.

I had emailed my uncle (a priest in Rhode Island) about a situation very similar to yours; a couple was married civilly and she was hoping to receive the sacraments. Here is his answer:
technically the church does not recognize her civil marriage and therefore she is "living in sin"
all she has to do is just make a general confession to an understanding priest.

Basically that means that you would have to confess that you were in sin to be married to Memin without the Church's blessing and resolve not to "live with him as husband and wife" until the marriage was blessed. Then you would be absolved and allowed to receive the sacraments.

I hope this information helps you, and be assured of my prayers for all of your family.

Mish · #4 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 05:24 PM

Morelia,Barb gives you some good advice.I would do as she says and wait for the other priest to come back and talk with him.I hope you and your dh can work all of this out and we are all here for you.
Hugs,
Mish

**bluebird** · #5 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 05:44 PM

Morelia, hugs to you.

Irish Angel · #6 (**permalink**) 06-25-2008, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by barbszy

Cathy, it is my understanding that if the marriage was not blessed in the Catholic Church, it cannot be annulled in the Church. I would recommend that you check with a priest on that, just to be sure. Annulment law is a little complex.

YEAH I KNOW. I JUST HAD MY "FIRST" MARRIAGE ANNULLED. I WAS MARRIED AT 15 TO A MAN I KNEW 4 MONTHS. THE MARRIAGE LASTED FOR 4 MONTHS. HE WAS CATHOLIC BUT ONLY WANTED TO FIX HIS DOCUMENTS. I WAS NEVER EXPOSED TO THE CHURCH THEN, ALL I KNEW IS MARIO SAID HE WOULD NEVER MARRY ME IN THE CHURCH. BECAUSE I COULDN'T "PROVE" HE WAS CATHOLIC ( HE WOULDN'T RESPOND TO ME OR THE TRIBUNAL) WE HAD TO GO THROUGH A FORMAL CASE AND $550.00. I AM "FREE" TO HAVE OUR MARRIAGE CONVALIDATED.

A very dear friend of mine was married (civil marriage) to a man who had been married in the Church and then divorced but never annulled. She was unable to receive the sacraments, the priests told her, unless she and her husband were willing to stop "living as husband and wife" until the annulment of his first marriage and the blessing of this marriage could take place.

MEMIN AND I MARRIED CIVILLY IN 92. IN 93 WE "RENEWED" OUR VOWS. LAST YEAR WE RETURNED TO THE CHURCH... AND WANTED THE SACRAMENT AND CONVALIDATION FOLLOWING MY ANULLMENT.

MEMIN MOVED OUT... SO NOW WHY WOULD I HAVE TO HAVE OUR MARRIAGE ANULLED? I AM LIVING ALONE WITH ONLY MY KIDS, 3 DOGS, CAT AND A FISH. SO IT MAKES NO SENSE HE IS DENYING ME THE SACRAMENT OF THE EUCHARIST

It is a shame that your priest shared the contents of your email. You'd think he would have a little more discretion than that.

YOU WOULD THINK..

I think that if I were you I would wait until the other priest returns from his travels and make an appointment to speak with him personally. Write down all your questions. Let him know that you want to receive the sacraments and that you want to do this right.

YEAH OUR OTHER PRIEST IS WONDERFUL AND FAIR!

I had emailed my uncle (a priest in Rhode Island) about a situation very similar to yours; a couple was married civilly and she was hoping to receive the sacraments. Here is his answer:
technically the church does not recognize her civil marriage and therefore she is "living in sin"
all she has to do is just make a general confession to an understanding priest.

Basically that means that you would have to confess that you were in sin to be married to Memin without the Church's blessing and resolve not to "live with him as husband and wife" until the marriage was blessed. Then you would be absolved and allowed to receive the sacraments.

RIGHT AND I UNDERSTAND THAT.. BUT HE WON'T ALLOW ME TO GO TO CONFESSION AND PREP OR RECEIVE CONFIRMATION AND THE EUCHARIST. IF I GO TO CONFESSION AND AM LIVING ALONE.. HE CAN'T DO THAT, RIGHT? I MEAN CATHOLIC, UNIVERSAL RULES!

I hope this information helps you, and be assured of my prayers for all of your family.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING BARB

barbszy · #7 (**permalink**) 06-26-2008, 04:44 AM

Cathy, remember that your situation has changed. Memin is no longer living with you. Approach the priest with that information and ask him to guide you (I am speaking of the one who is understanding, not the guy who betrayed your confidence!)

I did not mean to imply that you would have to have your civil marriage annulled. I was sharing the story of a friend of mine who was in a slightly different situation.

My advice is to call the parish office and have the secretary make an appointment for you with the priest so you can start getting this all sorted out. This way you can have the appointment soon after he returns, rather than waiting until them to make the appointment and then waiting for him to be free....

Irish Angel · #8 (**permalink**) 06-26-2008, 05:59 AM

HELLO ( NOT SHOUTING, TYPING IN CAPS SO I CAN DISTIGUISH....

)

SEE THAT IS WHAT FRUSTRATED ME. THIS PRIEST SAID BECAUSE MEMIN LEFT I HAD TO HAVE MY CIVIL MARRIAGE ANULLED BEFORE I COULD RECEIVE THE EUCHARIST AND I KNOW THAT IS NOT ACCURATE!
I AM WAITING FOR THE OTHER PRIEST TO RETURN, IT IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING TO HAVE TO KEEP WAITING.

OH NO, NOT YOU... THE PRIEST IS THE ONE WHO SAID THAT.

I CALLED BUT HE HANDLES HIS OWN APPOINTMENTS....BOY IS THE LORD TEACHING ME PATIENCE. I DIDN'T EVEN ASK THIS TIME...LOL HUGS