Relationship Concern / Advice wanted

[Arden76]

I have a long time boyfriend. We've been together 2 years. The relationship is great for the most part. He's very loving and considerate. We are both divorced single parents and spend alot of time not only together but with our children. For the most part a practically perfect relationship.

Here's the problem.

He has a friend. A girl who is a "friend". Nothing is going on between them persay but she has done quite a few things to get on my nerves. Mainly boring lots and lots of money from him and "playing around" with him in front of me.

I hav tried to address the issue although the answer i got was "she's just a friend"

I'm not arguing that. He sees her as harmless because he and i are a pretty tight couple and it seems "harmless" to him. She's just being his friend. And I'm being made to look insecure.

I don't belive I'm being insecure. I belive she knows exactly what shes doing and I feel like it's disrespectful.

I havent pushed the issues much befor now but this past weekend at his sons birthday party one of our mutual friends (my girlfriends husband) pointed out to his wife that what he and her where doing "playing around" (it was a water fight) was disrespectful.

I guess that was the validation i was looking for that I'm not being the crazy girlfriend.

Anyway... the whole point is.. if you where faced with a situation like that how would you handle it?

[trainlady]

Hi Arden,
Nice to meet you!
Welcome to Family Corner!

Re your situation:
Here's my two cents for all it's worth.
I guess it would depend on the extent of the "playing around" done in front of you. If it goes to the point of disrespectful then that's not appropriate.

I don't know that I would be comfortable with all the money borrowing..........but then, we don't have a lot to lend.......
I have friends that are male friends but my husband knows them and they have also become friends. These were guys I knew before I was married.
Have they both been friends a long time? That would make a difference. Just the fact you are uncomfortable though tells me the "friendship" won't work.

I guess what really matters is trust.

I feel for you. Though we don't have children, I did go thru a terrible divorce whern I was younger so I know the pain involved there.

Anyway, hope everything works out and remember, you deserve respect!

hugs, train

[DeBora4BobbyL]

Arden, I agree with you. I think men are clueless to the ways women can be. It sounds like she is flirting with him and he just doesn't see it. I agree that it is disrespectly for her to do this with him and for him to receive it without complaining.

I think that you should tell him that, out of love and respect for you, that he should tell his "friend" that she should no longer "play" physically with him as his girlfriend does not feel comfortable with it. It really does not matter what her intent or his intent it at this point (although I think she has more than friendship on her mind). If your boyfriend loves and respects you, he will not allow the "friend" to behave in this manner anymore.

[Sueanne]

Originally Posted by Arden76

I have a long time boyfriend. We've been together 2 years. The relationship is great for the most part.
... the whole point is.. if you where faced with a situation like that how would you handle it?

First thing I would do is limit her from coming to family affairs. If you have been his girlfriend for 2 years and he knows how you feel it is starting to effect your relationship. If he still continues to show her attention around your friends it will become a problem that has to be resolved before you enter into a marriage.
_______
Sueanne

[Sammi1961]

Arden, welcome to Family Corner
Here is my opinion. I agree with DeBora - this woman knows exactly what she is doing and is perhaps even doing it to purposely make your jealous. Your bf may or may not be clueless. he might just like the attention even if he has no intention of ever letting it get beyond the flirting. What she is doing is disrespectful to you and your relationship with your bf. Your bf, out of respect for you, should no longer allow the physical playing around. he needs to step up and tell her that you and he have a serious relationship and that he doesn't want to be disrespectful to you. He doesn't need to say you are bothered by their relationship, just that HE loves you and doesn't want to take a chance of their friendship being misinterpreted. I don't think he should spend time alone with this woman, lend her anymore money, or see her without you being present. he should also stop any physical contact she may try to initiate. He could still stay friends with her as long as he is upfront with you and doesn't spend time with her alone. My dh has friends that are women and I have friends that are men but we have both met each others friends and have even all gotten together at times. There is no physical contact between any of our friends except for maybe a hug hello or a handshake.

[apricot]

I agree with the previous poster who said that he may like the attention that she is giving him but to me it sounds like she may be doing that just so he will lend her money. Does she ever pay him back? Is he the type that can't say no to people? It sounds like that is creating an unhealthy tie between them, even if they are just "friends." I worked with a girl who was always lending a male "friend" thousands of dollars and he only paid her a little bit of it back but she would always say that he did all these other things to help her out, (nothing worth the amount she was lending him.) She did admit that she didn't know how to say no to him.