Wanting A Family Yet Knowing I Can't

Katy81 · #1 (**permalink**) 08-07-2005, 12:05 PM

I thought maybe if I talk this out the pain will go away. I am hoping that it will at least. My boyfriend has two great kids by his soon to be ex-wife . I have a son that lives with my mom right now. I still want a child with my boyfriend even though we have only been together for four months. I know he does not want a third child anytime soon. But I do. How should I go about getting around this problem?

barbszy · #2 (**permalink**) 08-09-2005, 04:53 AM

I don't think you can MAKE someone want a child. And certainly it would be wrong to trick someone into having a child with you. I guess the best advice I could give you is to give it time, and pray that his heart will be changed. While you are doing that, do anything else you can do to help youself become the best parent that you can be. Children are a great blessing but with blessings come responsibilities, so you want to be sure that the commitment to being there for the child is a strong one.

Katy81 · #3 (**permalink**) 08-11-2005, 02:08 PM

Thank you for your help. I know i have lots of love an ddevotion to be handed out to a child. But All i can do right now is hope and try to be the best person i can be. Till My bf changes his mind i am going to devote myself to his two and my one. Maybe that is a good idea...for now

trainlady · #4 (**permalink**) 08-11-2005, 03:19 PM

You say............."I want to have a fanmily but know I cannot."

You have a boyfriend, a child of your own and 2 stepchildren to love.
Sounds to me like you DO , indeed, have a family!!!

This is being said from a 45 year old woman who was never able to have children and is said with all sincerity and kindness, but please don't forget the blessings you already have.

hugs, train

Katy81 · #5 (**permalink**) 08-11-2005, 03:21 PM

You know ....I never thought of it like that. I do indeed take alot for granted. though i long to have anothe rchidl of my own. I love the three that surrond me with all that i am. I love my boyfriend also.

trainlady · #6 (**permalink**) 08-11-2005, 03:25 PM

Surely you will have more children of your own!! You are a young lady with a long, long life ahead of you!!! Be blessed and enjoy your day!!

hugs,train

Katy81 · #7 (**permalink**) 08-11-2005, 03:31 PM

Thank you so much Train! You really made me look at my life in another cview

**DeBora4BobbyL** · #8 (**permalink**) 08-13-2005, 09:10 AM

I agree with Train, you DO have a family.

Also, a 4 month relationship is a baby relationship. Expecting a guy who isn't divorced yet to want a child with another female is like asking a 4 month old child to walk or ride a bicycle. Give your relationship time to grow. You never know what will happen with a little time. Plus, if he is going through a divorce, he may be going through may feeling right now and not in the frame of mind that you'd like him to be. Be there for him. He needs someone who is understanding right now. Good luck!

kasparcat · #9 (**permalink**) 08-13-2005, 09:12 AM

I love the answer about loving all the family you already have. I had an entirely different response to reading the original post, and never thought of that aspect.

My first thought was that you sound like you are wanting to change the wrong person. I don't know your age or why your mother is raising your child, nor do I know why you think that having a child with someone you've been with for 4 months is a good idea. But my overall reaction is that maybe your boyfriend is being the sensible and mature one here. His kids need to adjust to their parents divorcing and their daddy having a new girlfriend and there is no way they'd be ready for a half-sibling. Furthermore, and this is going to sound harsh, who knows if this relationship is going to last? You already have a child with someone who it didn't work out with, and he already has two with someone who it didn't work out with. I suggest that you don't rush into having another baby with a near-stranger, one who you may be in-lust with now, but haven't been with long enough to know if it will turn into a true and lasting love.

I hope this didn't come across as too rough, but I think it's maturity talking to immaturity.

Rani

**seleach** · #10 (**permalink**) 08-13-2005, 10:32 AM

I agree that knowing a guy for four months is not long enough to have a baby with him
He is going through a lot of truma right now and so are his kids.
Give this relationship time to grow into a lasting one. Be there, love his kids and your own child. Care about the boy friend but don't push. You could lose him all together.
seleach