Need advice on new baby

[Mom2LonelyOnly]

I don't know if this should go here so if it needs to be moved that's ok with me.

I have a son who is 7 1/2 years old. He is an only child. My DH and I are thinking of having another. He would be over 8 when the baby would be born. I have heard of toddlers adjusting to the new baby. What would I need to possibly expect from him? From being an only child for so long, he is pretty much spoiled rotten. I have tried not to do this, but it is not easy.

Anyone that went through this that could offer some advice would be very welcome.

Thanks in advance.

Nancy

[Dianezbi]

I dont hav e children with those age differences, but my sister and I were 10 years apart. I was kind of spoiled and a mommas little girl, and when she was first born I was very happy and excited. I loved helping my mom take care of her. Sometimes I would get jealous when people paid too much attention to her. My older brother and I both helped take care of her and there wasnt much jealousy at all. The question is are you ready for a little one again. I still think about having one more and mine are 9 and 6. Bewst of luck to you.

[ajrsmom]

Hi

I havent gone through this yet but Im about to in May. My son will be 5 1/2. Right now everything in his world is about the baby....as long as it has nothing to do with sharing Grandma. He is very close to my mother so she is making it such a point not to exclude him from anything.

From the point where we found out I was pregnant, we have included him in everything. His biggest joy right now is telling everyone and anyone who will listen, that I am pregnant!

I have made it a point to try to explain to him why we are spending so much money on baby items right now and not stuff for him. But we are surprising him once in a while and buying him stuff out of the blue.

He has a lot of questions....Im sure some that your son already has answers to....but I try to answer them as honestly as I can on his level.

He just told me today that he didnt like the names that I have been picking out so he was taking over and naming the baby what he wants! ( boy, hes in for a surprise there, LOL!)

For the longest time he wouldnt say if he wanted a brother or a sister but now he is determined that he wants a brother....nothing. So that is my latest problem. Hopefully I will find out this Wednesday what Im having and Ill go from there.

I never planned to wait this long between kids but things just worked out this way and right now I wouldnt change anything! He will adjust as long as you make it a point to still focus on him and the things he is involved in.

Good Luck to you in whatever your decision is!! Talk to him and tell him what you and Dad would like to do. Ask his opinion. He might just surprise you.

Stay in touch with us here!

Tami

[Jeannie]

Mom2..
Talk to a health professional that can refer you to a family counselor.. I'm sure they will give you the right imput on the situation...... *s*

Hi. My oldest son was 7 when he got his first younger sibling. Yes - he was spoiled too. We have a rubbermaid tote of Batmans to prove it! We are now expecting our 5th and he is 13. I really didn't do anything special, he just learned to be a big brother. In fact he is wonderful at it. He is very responsible and takes care of the kids on a regular basis when I go to the store. We do make sure that he has his alone time with Mom - or Dad, just like the younger ones do. I'm sure at first he got disappointed that he couldn't have all the attention - but he got to show off the new baby and that helped! I also have nursed all the kids - so I would buy a new book for each child that they only get when Mom is nursing - and they want my attention. He doesn't want on my lap anymore but he still gets a book!
Good Luck

[luckycm]

Good Luck! We currently have a 10 yr. old girl and a 2 yr. old boy! It has its ups and downs..... I can potty or run small household chores without him, but I also review the different Branches of Government while removing my son from the top of the bookshelf. Running in two different directions(priorities) is the hardest part....but I cannot imagine life without him. I am a better person(things dont have to be perfect, sometimes good enough will work). My daughter is becoming a more adjusted person as well.( The world does not spin for her alone!)Good luck w/this decision, but think long and hard it is a big change!

[LJsmom]

I personally prefer the age difference. Oldest was 8 1/2 when her sister was born and was more than thrilled to finally have a sibling. Now there would be someone else to blame when the lamp broke or something spilled hahaha.

Some things that helped before she was born was to have the older one "help" maybe decorate the babies room, decide which patterned bottles, towels etc. to get. These are big decisions for a kid to make and they feel more involved.

We gave her a choice of middle names and let her choose which one the baby should have.

You have to make sure the older child gets some alone time with mom or dad, even if its just running out to the grocery otherwise you will run into jealousy trouble. DH takes the oldest to movies periodically-maybe this is for his sanity too, getting away from the diapers and screaming :p

One thing we do run up against is DD's friends coming over and wanting to play with my youngest "oh she's so cute" syndrome...I can't see this being too much a problem with boys tho.

Things are a bit easier now as they are a bit older. I can ask them to play, read a book, watch tv together for a short time so I can get some work done-or even read a book myself! Sometimes when they are closer in age you don't get that luxury.

[Bab]

The experts on TV talk shows, magazine articles & birth order books recently all seem to say that siblings more than 5 years apart are the same as if they were only children.

I have to agree with that as I am the youngest -- my sister is 6 1/2 years older & my brother is 9 1/2 years older. We were not in the same schools at the same time. When I was 9 my brother was away in the military & when I was 13 my sister was married with a home of her own. Because of the age difference we had different interests & were never that close -- even today as senior citizens we still are not real close.

That's not really a bad thing as you learn to build other strong friendships.

[hparkes]

Well, first let me say congratulations!!!

Ok now, my 2 sons are 6 years apart. There are ups and downs to this. My oldest son was asking for a little brother (no sister, they couldn't share toys) when I got pregnant with the youngest. And from the first doctor visit he went to every one that was possible, he was even standing right outside the delivery room when baby brother was born and got to carry him to the nursery. For the 1st six months you couldn't touch little brother because big brother had him in his lap. At times it was hard getting him away to nurse. And from day one little brother has been picked on and put up to doing various things by both his big brother and daddy. So now that he's 3 and big brother is 9 they are butting heads big time. Oldest one wants space, little brother wants to invade that space. All in all they get along great, but little brother has been picked on by big brother so much that big brother is now having a hard time winning the battle.

My advice is to let the older child help out with anything and everything that they can handle and want to do. Don't force it. But I've found that when it's not forced but left as an option that the oldest child most of the time wants to help out because it makes them feel even bigger than they are and it gets them ready for when they get to help tie shoes, put coats on, etc. It will also help to keep down the jealousy that older siplings tend to get. My oldest isn't jealous, he thinks he's the only person capable of dealing with little brother.

Hope this helps.

Blessed Be,

[luckycm]

Heather,
Its the same sort of thing at our house as well. We have more "sibling" issues than I thought we would have, with them being of different sexes.
More later...baby woke up.... I'm from Tn. as well.
Cameron