Need to vent for a minute--kids

[ajrsmom]

I am hoping that no one minds if I vent for a minute.

I cannot believe how bad these kids are in this area that we live in!

My son was outside playing with these kids (who are all older than him). There is one kid in particular who will lie about anything and everything to stay out of trouble. He ran over my son's foot the other day with his scooter---then he turned around and told me he didnt do it! Every day after that, he started asking my son "Does your darn foot feel better yet or are you still going to cry about it?"--this kid is 11! After this, we told my son that he wasnt allowed to be around this kid any more.

Today takes the cake! Again, my son went out to play with a couple of the other kids (who are friends with the one above) but up until now, they have been ok with him. There is one girl in the group and she loves the attention of all of the boys. She told my son to leave the group because she wanted to talk to "kid 1" alone. My son said ok and was gathering his stuff but not fast enough for "kid 1" so this kid held up his hand and started counting 1,2,3,4,........when he got to five and my son still wasnt ready to leave, the kids punched him in the stomach!

Now I know that my son is not an angel-- he will mouth off and argue with anyone in a heartbeat if they are arguing with him but I know that he would never punch someone without a reason because honestly, he is not that type of kid.

My son then punched "kid 1" in the mouth (even by my son's own words, it was lucky that he happened to hit him there). The kid came after him with his fist and my son dumped Kool-Aid on him.


This was only the begining. I didn't know that any of this happened until my son came in the house and said that "kid 2" had taken my son's scooter and rode it to his house. When my son asked where this kid lived, no one would tell him. I ended up going over to the kids and asking them what was going on. One of the kids spoke up and said that my son said that it was ok for "kid2" to take his scooter----now, I know this isnt true because : 1. my son wouldnt have come home and explained the story the way he did--if he isnt telling the truth, he avoids the subject to begin with. and 2. He paid $40 for the scooter with his own money and he knows that if one of these kids break his scooter that he will be without one because we are not replacing it. My son admitted that he allowed the kid to use his scooter to show him how to do a jumping trick but when the kid said the was going to take it home for a minute, my son said that he chased him down the sidewalk yelling "no" but the kid ignored him.


"kid2" finally showed up with the scooter and really had nothing to say to me but the kid that ran over my sons foot started mouthing off to me.

This brought out "kid 1"'s mother who started telling me that I had no right to say anything because I was taking my son's word over all of the other kids sitting. HELLO!!!! Wasnt she taking her son's word over mine?

She told me that my son started everything by punching her son---if she would've said anything else, I might have believed it but I know in my heart that my son did not throw the first punch--he has never hit anyone before. At first we threw words at each other saying that those kids couldnt use my sons toys any longer and she said that he wasnt welcomed there because he was a trouble make----then I decided to end the bickering and make my son apologize. He did and "kid 1" did back. I told the other mother that this wasnt allowed in my house. She ended up saying that he could come back and play if nothing happened. I told her to let me know if she ever saw or heard anything again.

All of the kids sitting there stuck up for their friend--which I would expect-- but it is so hard to try to explain to my son why they did this. He sat in our house crying his eyes out saying that he would never hit anyone for those reasons and the only reason he hit this kid back was because this kids punch really hurt him.

I ended the whole thing by telling him that he can no longer play with these kids, no matter what. I am sitting here now a nervous wreck. This has never happened before. I have never argued with another mother nor has my son gotten into a fight. He is wanting so badly to make friends here that I was afraid that he would do just the opposite--anything that they wanted him to just to be their friend.

The last thing that I want him to be known as is a trouble maker because that is so far from the truth. He has such a big heart and is so good with his little sister.

Any thoughts?

[ellenmelon]

Tami- I hope this doesn't sound awful but my little angels just told me that they used to hit the other kids in the neighborhood and I always thought they didn't! I was stunned to hear my kids had engaged in fighting. They are now 15 and 17 so it was a real shock to me. I don't know that they ever initiated it but that they did hit. I wish I didn't have that image.

It sounds like there is some bullying going on though so I can believe your son over them. Too bad. Those kinds of play groups can be undesirable.

[bluebird]

Hugs, Tami. Kids can be so darn *&^%% at times. I think your kid is telling the truth but... I wouldn't let him play with the other kids anymore. As hard as it is, I think at times it is better to be by yourself than with 'bad' kids. Who knows what will happen in the next three or four years IF your kids keeps hanging with these? There is no honor is thieves or bratty kids.

[DeBora4BobbyL]

Tami, I am so sorry about your situation. I have had to talk to parents as well. Most were pretty good about knowing what sounded like their kids and what didn't. However, there were a few kids and parents that were hopeless.

Unfortunatly, your DS is learning some hard lessons of life. Bullys will always be there and group cliques are a part of it too. He will have justice when he grows up and becomes something and they don't.

Have you thought about hosting some fun events at your house? Then he would be the "fun" kid and the non-fun kids would either not come or behave themselves. Then, you could make the rules and you deside who leaves for misbehaving. Good luck! I am so glad I am past my kids being that age.

[barbszy]

That really stinks.

Is he back in school yet? Are these kids in his class?

Hopefully with school starting he can make some nice friends, and you can arrange to have them over, in a supervised-by-you situation.

But that doesn't help with the "he just wants to go outside and scooter."

[ajrsmom]

I talked it over and over with my son and DH last night. I just feel that he didnt throw the first punch in this situation--but I would be fooling myself to think that he wouldnt ever start something.

The hard part is that almost all of these kids are 3 years older than him. We are in agreeance that he just can no longer play with them. We were warned of "certain" bad kids in the complex when we moved in. No names but I am sure that we've found them.

He starts school next Monday. He is really looking forward to it. I am keeping my fingers crossed that these kids do not ride his bus. I know that 2 of the kids are in 6th grade and one (the worst) is homeschooled--I think he is homeschooled because there isnt a parent at home with him most of the day. I'll be able to tell more once school starts. Anyway, I wont have to worry about these kids on the bus.

I am really hoping that he finds a friend who is "into" the things that he likes--reading, playing video games and board games...etc. NOT hanging out and getting into trouble.

BTW, These kids are now ringing doorbells and running. They did it to me yesterday in the afternoon and the night before at 11:30!!but I didnt get outside fast enough to see who it was.

Keep your fingers crossed that things mellow out.

[DeBora4BobbyL]

Legally, a person can be charged with assault and maybe battery for hitting another person, even if it is a child. Ages vary depending on the state. I do think "boys will be boys" but when the boys are three yrs older, that just isn't right.

Also, have you thought about putting up a video and taping the front of your door and catching these kids on tape? Then, you could first use it to show the parents and tell them that their little Johnnys aren't perfect and if the harassment doesn't stop, you will have to go to a higher authority than the parents.

I am glad your DS will be starting school on Monday. I think that he'll get the chance to meet kids his own age with similar interests. Good luck!

[ellenmelon]

Yes, 3 years older and no better off.

I wonder about the kid at home without adult supervision. In our state I think up to age 12 the kids must be in attendance with an adult. I know many don't follow this rule but if there are problems then child services can legally step in.

I liked DeBora's idea for taping, and what about a security light? When that light turns on it can sure startle a person.

I also am hoping and praying that your ds finds some good friends, healthy ones at school. It is significant that you backed up his questions with follow through. Imagine the message if you had ignored him (like that would happen, lol!), which I imagine the other children get that message and that is why there is a problem. They don't get a considerate response to their antics but get ignored or get a defensive response. It is a shame.

[DeBora4BobbyL]

I wonder about the kid at home without adult supervision. In our state I think up to age 12 the kids must be in attendance with an adult. I know many don't follow this rule but if there are problems then child services can legally step in.

Ellen, I hadn't thought about that. I don't know what the law is in NC, but if these children are causing problems while their parents are gone, you should turn them in to the NC Division of Child Development at 1-800-859-0829. I don't know if that is the right number. But, if it isn't they can tell you where to call. What ever you do, I wish you well.

[ajrsmom]

I've thought about calling them on the one kid in particular. I know that he was 11 when we moved here but I have no idea when he turns 12--which is the law here too.

There is a fine line here though......

I am afraid that if I start too much trouble, they will find a way to get back at us since we are the "odd Yankees" here.

Things have been quiet on our end since then. We passed these kids on the way out the door yesterday and they went out of their way to say "hi" to my son. I let it go and didnt say anything about it since he didnt bring it up again.