Interesting article. I think a lot of it is a function of people moving farther away from extended family as well as living in neighborhoods that are not built for interaction (decks on backs of houses instead of front porches, no sidewalks, etc.)
You know, I never even thought of neighborhoods not fostering socialization! We don't have sidewalks where we live, either. I never see my neighbors, and we live in a big apartment complex. That's a very interesting point! And in America it's so huge that people can take job opportunities all over, so yeah, that doesn't help!
I have noticed that many people are busy these days. They work, have activies, and responisbilities. It seems easier to email. I get more joke emails from ppl than anything. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the jokes, but it would be nice to receive a personal email from a friend telling me how he/she is doing. I also wonder if ppl are getting more involved in Internet relationships than the face-to-face personal relationships. It seems easier to chat with someone while in your own enviornment than to dress up and meet them somewhere where you can't where your jammies. I really wonder how much of an impact the Internet has on this?
I thought as a sahm I would be isolated. What I have found is that I have the time to write a letter, make a phone call, take a walk.
The other day I felt horrible in the grocery store when I could not stop to chat with a woman new to the store who was lamenting the loss of her old meat market. It was the one time I really had to get somewhere to pick up one of the dds! I felt a loss because it would have been a really nice chat.
What I do find is that working is a networking place. Depending on the job, it does open up avenues of talking. But there is nothing like good old fashioned friendships. Sometimes it takes work, like those threads about looking up old friends.
About the part about a close network of friends. That is hard. We are a mobile society with excellent verbal communication paths in cell phones etc. We all have different ways of interacting. To have time for the immediate family is important. That is my first connection. To have time for girlfriends is important. That is hard for me as this year I have had so many changes and challenges in my intown friendships. However, without the few friends I do have, I would not have remained sane this year with all that the dds went through. FC helps alot! It tells me that I am not alone. And to see people on the street and say hello. I see it more in less congested areas. New York is a tough one, to make eye contact there would be a threat or seen as a weirdo. In summer in town here when most of the students are gone, it is nice. In Gettysburg there are a lot of front porches and at night many sitters and rockers. Wish we had a front porch. We do garden and stop and talk with neighbors out walking their dog.
Dogs are really good people magnets. In fact, the girls think they make really good guy magnets!
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Ellen in PA
"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
I can definitely relate to this. Even living in FL, in the neighborhood I grew up in I felt isolated. There were new neighbors and everyone mostly kept to themselves.
Moving to NC didn't help anything. I thought moving basically into my families 'lap' I'd have lots going on and lots to do... Not so! I don't see extended family-except at funerals or at the store by chance. Two of my dd's no longer live at home and I don't see them much, but as often as possible. Of course I always see my dd and her family-who live with my dh and I, but alot of days dd and sil stay in their room watching TV while I'm in the living room alone or with the dgk's. We do try to be together for meals, but we usually end up eating at different times..... Guess we'll figure it out one day.
As to the internet-I have refound friends I lost after high school and made new friends too. I do write actual emails to a few people who usually write back, but I'm also one of those folks who forward emails that I like to share. I have to admit that I feel easier using the email than IM's and sometimes even the phone.
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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
'Herm Albright'
Living close to family certainly doesn't guarantee close ties, that's for sure. When I lived near my folks they still never really wanted to see me, which really hurt, because I was like, 'what's wrong with me, that my own parents have time for everything else but me?' I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that I shouldn't take it personally. Still don't know if it will ever stop hurting, though.
I have lived in friendly neighbors where you go for a 10 minute walk and come back 2 hours later because you chatted with five people who were on their porches along the way.then we moved to the suburbs and these people will speak but dont try to take it further then hello how are you....so I meet people actually on other streets in our track ...my neighbors are very upity and clicky not me... i go to classes at the y and have met a lot of nice people there, parents of my kids friends ,i teach religious ed so i meet a lot of people thru teaching their kids..I talk to everyone people at the wegmans here are very nice as well ..i miss the interaction of people on the same street though sitting onthe porch and enjoying a conversation which works in the country in the bigger area people look at you like you want something..in sodus i would bake things and have the kids take them over to the elderly neighbors, the guy next door called them his little leprechans it was fun..we still have friends from out there because they were keepers.when we move from our street now i will miss one or two of them, we are looking forward to moving to our apartment because hopefully they will be more friendly and fun to be around. i think a common thread also helps and with the neighbors i have now i dont have anything in common when you take classes or are around people in other situations you have something to talk about ...i talk more to the people at my greenhouse then i have in the 8 years we have lived in our house to my neighbors....sometimes in this day and age you have to go further then next door to find fun people to interact with .
When we moved into our neighborhood, about half the people here were old timers and us other half the new. The old timers had been horribly burnt by gossipy coffee klatches so they were not willing to interact other than a hello. Can't blame them.
Sure enough, about ten years later us very friendly and intimate newbies got involved in a neighborhood disagreement. I was part of it. To this day I just want to go over to my closest neighbor and apologize but I am still afraid of her! She likes to use her lawyer a whole lot. Nevertheless, I think she would be dismayed to know that I think she would use a lawyer on any of her neighbors. So we all tread softly. You know the old saying, Good fences make good neighbors. I would like to add the proverb "Don't frequent your neighbor's house too often."
So you're right, mgoodcookie, it is a balance between friendship and intimacy. I have felt the loss of very close friendships in our neighborhood in other ways too. Sometimes it is not easy when the children have their difficulties. Most of them we have resolved but recently one family in particular became a hazard to our family. Severing that tie has been very painful.
I know that in the future (once the kids are gone) that we will resume our friendship but for now for me it is very strained. Perhaps there is a good reason for some people keeping their distance. I never thought I would be one of them.
__________________
Ellen in PA
"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
Social isolation growing in U.S.- I can relate! 
Ellen in PA 
