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Pardon the very married never been lucky enough to have her own children to raise, but you did make a few valid points about YOUR relationship with YOUR brother (and trust me I am not yelling that at you, just emphasizing the word). You mention that ever since you became a wife and mother you have been more defensive about your life choices - hate to say it but you have "Mama Bear" Syndrome, and I'll wager that it wouldn't really matter who picked up that knife outside of your immediate family and said the same thing that you would be defensive. I have family that thinks I'm full of beans about how children should/n't be cared for because I have never been a parent. Far from it, any person can be a parent, but it takes those "hearts of Gold" to be able to support and advise even when they don't have children because they aren't "always" right in the thick of the family dynamics. There is also a mention that ever since your brother was dishonorably discharged from the Marines (his choice to go in) due to drug issues, has been a thorn in your side. Is it the drug usage or that he was dishonorably discharged b/c of the drugs? And not that I condone drug use on any level, but do you know how /why he became addicted to drugs? Whether he went to rehab / councilor for both the usage and / or why he became an addict? Also, you mentioned that he prefers to live in low housing communities and usually has a scent issue that bothers you... I assume you know that ex-military personnel is on a limited income, and that if you make "x" more than you are allotted the military takes away what little pension you get from them. Also that b/c he was dishonorably discharged from the military he may be having issues getting a "job" due to his drug issue, and therefor lives where he can afford w/o being much of a burden to anyone else.
As for whether you are getting grumpier as you get older, that answer is yes, but not for allot of the reasons you pointed out about your brother and deceased FIL, it does have more to do with the changes our bodies go through as we get older, and the types of lives we live. You mentioned that you are both a working mom of teenagers and are (at what some consider anyway) in the mid-life crisis stage - this is where all sorts of changes occur and some folks struggle to stay on top of everything, and sometimes lose track of the important things.... The lifetime commitment you and your husband made before the kids came along for one, enjoying the time you have with other family (regardless of their life choices) for two, and that retirement is around the corner (some corners are very wide-curved)for last. Then you have your own idealistic view about how everyone should be acting, but aren't really able to grasp the whole picture of their life in comparison to yours. Your eyes see things differently then when you were a teenager (and not just in judgments), your hearing may be more sensitive to / or harder to hear sounds around you, and on top of all that your body is changing both physically and chemically. So here is what you do (remember this is the 43 knows little about being a parent, but has been married a little over 20 years, AND has a tough time holding down a job for an extensive amount of time), as suggested by a few other posters (as well): Keep a journal this allows you to write out everything w/o offending anyone (including yourself); Create a "Rant & Rave" section out here where folks like you can spill the beans and not feel bad about it later; ACCEPT others for who they are and not what you (me, Joe-blow, and the snowman down the street) think they should be. Remember that if we are all the same there would be nothing to share. Be the big sister and offer assistance to your brother - talk with him, find out who he is, how he came to be who he is, and what his hopes and dreams are (were), and then ask him how you can be a better sister for him - be his friend. Explain to him how the "stairs" work in your house, he may have thought your life is so busy that you forgot the knife was there. Try to see life from another persons view - you know "walk in their shoes first"
MOST IMPORTANTLY
*Be kind to yourself* you only have control over your actions, thoughts, feelings, etc.
Last edited by KSJEn6891; 11-18-2011 at 10:11 AM.
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Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.
:pumpki nsg 
