problem with fil

dakaremom · #1 (**permalink**) 01-29-2009, 06:41 AM

i have a problem when my fil comes over during the day while dh is at work. he will come over and stay for awhile he has a couple of bad habits he does when he comes over, the first one is he always tries to kiss me on the cheek and wants to hug me all the time - i woundn't mind this as much but there is another thing he does when he is here when my dh is not home he like to fondel himself all the time during his visit and he thinks i don't notice i have told my dh,bil,and sil and he just does not stop he gives me the creeps when he is here i have finally not answered the door when he comes over,but he comes over two or three times and he knocks for about two or three minutes every time. He knows i'm home because i do home daycare. Do you think that is a good idea to just not answer the door when he comes over? thanks in advance

**DeBora4BobbyL** · #2 (**permalink**) 01-29-2009, 02:58 PM

Your FIL's behavior is highly inappropriate! I would first tell him that he is not to fondle himself in your home and he is not to hug or kiss you. If he doesn't comply with your rules, tell him to leave. If he does not leave, tell him that you will call the police if he does not leave and do it! Tell him that he is NOT welcome back as this is lewd and lascivious conduct and that you will press charges if you find him acting in this manner again. Unwanted kisses and touching could be considered unwanted sexual touching, which is against the law and that if he does it again knowing that you do not want it, you will call the police.

I think there is nothing wrong with locking the door and keeping him out either. He will get the hint that he is not welcome in your home if you are home and he knows you are home and you do not answer the door.

Have you talked to your DH about talking to his father about his behavior? Would he possibly talk to his father and lay down the ground rules and the consequenses?

Good luck!

**bluebird** · #3 (**permalink**) 01-29-2009, 04:29 PM

DeBora sait it best. Another to think about is your daycare kids. You could get in trouble with the state by allowing him in your home around the kids. I bet he has done this before and his family knows it. May I go as far to say that he is acting like a predator? Please take care of yourself.

**CalGalInFla** · #4 (**permalink**) 02-04-2009, 04:35 AM

All of this advice is spot-on. In my opinion, the son needs to protect you, your children and the children in your care. Not answering the door is key! This is a very uncomfortable situation but your husband really needs to get involved. GOOD LUCK!

boggsZ · #5 (**permalink**) 02-06-2009, 05:02 AM

I agree you need to get your dh involved that is very scary

**Sammi1961** · #6 (**permalink**) 02-06-2009, 06:51 AM

This situation is extemely inappropriate for you and even more so because you do daycare. As someone previously mentioned, his family may be well aware of what your fil does. My advice would be to talk to your dh and let him know what is going on and to absolutely have him talk to his father and tell him he can no longer visit you when you are working (or any other time you are home alone). I would also tell your fil yourself that he cannot come over while you are working. If he cannot listen and follow that rule, then I would inform him you most certainly will call the police. And make sure you do just that if he continues to come by when you are home alone or working. I also have to ask you if your fil is mentally competant. Is there a chance he could have some form of dementia? Often men with Alzheimers fondle themselves (though that is still inappropriate, especially around children). Please make sure you keep both you and your daycare children safe!!!

sandieluvsbears · #7 (**permalink**) 02-06-2009, 07:58 AM

I cant think of anything else to say, everyone else has said it very well, except for ONE thing, have you confronted him yourself, and told him his behaviour WONT be tolerated? I would have my dh tell him that as well.You cant go on NOT answering the door, this in itself is upsetting to do. Just plain out and out make it known WHY he cant be there when you are home alone. Good Luck, let us know how you made out. HUGS

simplysue · #8 (**permalink**) 02-06-2009, 08:57 AM

I agree with all of these ladies. I'de even take things a step farther though and make it clear that he wasn't to visit my home, we'd visit at his if and when we so chose to...I'de certainly be terrified for my children to be around him.
Big hugs and best wishes.

MKS · #9 (**permalink**) 02-06-2009, 09:20 AM

I'm glad you came to a safe place to ask your questions. I'm pretty sure that if he is around the children when he is doing this it would be considered against the law. At the least if the parents of the kids you keep knew this was going on, they may take their children to a different care provider. I would not leave my child if I knew that was going on. That gives you a great way to make your case with your husband and/or f-i-l. All you have to do is point out that his behavior could affect your ability to make an income & help support your family.

**seleach** · #10 (**permalink**) 02-06-2009, 10:57 AM

I agree with all the ladies. This has to stop.
I wouldn't trust this man at all. And he definitely should not be around children.