At my wits end with Homework

[Bernice]

My DS is in the 6th grade and refuses to do homework. He lies about it, just plan just doesn't do it. This a HUGE departure from last year. I have been to school, had conferences with the teachers, but nothing is helping. My DS is failing and it is breaking my heart. I work with him every night now, to make sure it gets done, but I just don't understand.

Any suggestions? I welcome any all ideals, because I can't bear to see him fail.

[mom]

bernice,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties with your son. I would think sometimes certain teachers and students just don't work well together, could that be the problem? maybe change teachers.

If he did fine last year but not this year it could be the teacher or maybe his friends he hangs around with.

I don't know if this is an option, but what about home school could that be done for him? You could get him into group activities with home school.

Blessings,
Dawn

[barbszy]

At some point kids need to learn to be self-motivated with homework. Is he required to finish his homework before doing fun things like playing games, using the computer, going to sports practice or games? If he plays on a team and misses practice or games because the homework is not done, the coach might help straighten that out.

[Bernice]

The motivating factor, is working. I think my DS could be happy with just a string. I has such a great imagination and is so smart when he applies himself.

Most of my time is now spent with him working to complete homework and reports. I am so exhausted, by the time 9 pm, I'm not good for anything else. Home schooling is not an option, cause we need the money. I have enlisted our Youth Minister, all his teachers and I'm still pulling out my hair. I think the time has come to just let him fail. Really fail and have to deal with the heartache of repeating a grade.

[Cooked]

Ah...grade 6 the year of the hormone! That is what has happened in our home. My dd is also going through almost the same thing. She has gone from high 90's to 60's, and her mantra is "don't care" shrug. I let her go until today and she finally broke. She was so far behind in home ec that she was excluded from the cooking part until she was done her sewing. I made arrangements with her teacher to come in at noon and my dd was happy when she came home and did her other homework too! I am praying she is going to keep it up!
I don't know what will work with your son, it is a hard age from now to 16 but you are doing a great job by keeping at him. Sooner or later you will find out what is going on. You are a great mom!

[Sammi1961]

Bernice, I started going through the same thing with my ds2 when he was in 6th grade and now he is in 8th grade and it continues. I have tried taking away privledges or fun things like video games etc. until he gets his homework done but it doesn't always work. I help him when he needs me to but often he either says he has no homework or he did it in school. I never know if he is telling me the truth or not until mid-terms or report cards come out. I wonder if it is just an age thing (as someone else mentioned hormones and peers). I wish I had some better advice for you but I may try the same thing you are considering and just let him fail. Just know you are not alone in this.

[happymomof4]

Bernice, I went thru the same thing with my younger son when he was in 6th grade. He didn't like his teacher which didn't help. He lied and cheated. I went to school conferences and phone conferences. Finally in April I went to a school conference with both his teachers and the guidance counselor. I think maybe his special reading teacher was there also. I went over somethings with all of them. I left the school with my son. I pulled over and looked him right in the eyes. I said to him if your don't like your teach and you don't like 6th grade. Then why do you want to be in 6th grade again? You might even get the same teach again if you fail. Even I know he would never have got the same teach as he had. He looked back at me and a light bulb went off. He turned and said oh yeah. I never thought of that. So I looked at him and said I don't care if you get all D's. But lets get the heck out of 6th grade. He passed. I think he got c's and d's but who cared. That was a terrible year.

I don't know were I even got the idea of talking to him like that but it worked. I have always been very out and truthful with my kids. I don't of course tell them everything. But my kids do come to me with alot. I know they don't tell me everything. I really don't want to know everything either. As long as they are safe and don't get in trouble. I believe kids should be able to be kids.


Bernice here is an idea that we did for my older son in high school. He didn't do his homework very well. Every Friday the teachers would fax me a paper with what homework he had during the week and what he didn't do. The would also list the things coming up for the followint week(homework, pojects, test,etc). Of course this was a long time ago he is now 26 and has children of his own.

I know our high school and middle school have a website that the parents and students can go up and check out there grades. The parents can email the teachers and get home work assigments. I don't look at this much with the girls becuase I don't have the problems with them like I did with the boys. But it is there if I need it.

I hope things get better for you and your son. Remember you are not alone. Many people go thru this with there kids.

[cau]

Bernice have you really listened to him? Be sure there are no underlying problems than let him know you will let him fail if he keeps it up. Then do so. Ask if his teachers will fax or e-mail you weekly and make him do them weather they are graded or not. Some kids just need to learn the hard way. Also don’t make excuses for him let him deal with the consequences. Hard I know but having a very hard headed daughter sometimes you have to be harder. Mine finely grew up and is a wonderful person but it was a long haul.

[Bernice]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I just got his mid term grades and even though I have been helping him to make sure his assignments are completed his grades are worse. I am going to let him fail, but I am going to take Happymomof4 advice and ask him, since he doesn't like the 6th grade, why does he want to do it all over again, with the same teachers.

As a parent, you never want your child to fail. We will continue to work with him and pray that he will come around.

[Sammi1961]

Bernice, I don't know what it is but there is something about between 5th grade through 7th grade that dks seem to fall apart in school. It happened to my dd and to my ds2. Both did really well in classes they liked and terrible in classes they didn't. Homework might or might not get done and even if it was done somehow it sometimes didn't get handed in. I think it may just be a developmental issue at the start of adolescence. My ds2 is now in 8th grade and i still sometimes have to nail his pants to a chair to get him to complete his homework. I do hope your talk with your ds about "repeating 6th grade with the same teachers" is effective and that things improve.