Daughter ran away last night and called the police
We had a good day yesterday at first, we had just had guest over to see her chickens and Lea being 11 had developed an attitude lately, so I have told her alot lately to cut the attitude. Well, I told her to take the wood we found out of the trunk, my back is messed up so she did most of it. We then watered the veggies and sat down for a second and then I got the keys and told her to get the shovel so we could mix up the compost since our compost is in a plastic container. She decided to cop an attitude with me so I grabbed her by the collar and said, "Cut the attitude, this is getting on my nerves lately, either its my way or the highway!", then released her. So we went to mix it and she copped an attitude again so I made her mix it and put it back. Then she looked at me hard and I told her to come to my face. She's taller than me and I told her I didn't like the way she was looking at me. I told her it didn't matter how tall she got if she didn't abide by my rules I'd bury her!" I told her again, "Its my way or the highway!", so then I told her it was time for her to do the dishes.
I sat on the porch to cool off because I really don't have anyone to talk too about this. My mom who was extremely stern with us is very calm with Lea and thinks that everything she does is just like me...my sister thinks I'm too loose with her and she doesn't have preteens yet. My friend is the only one but she was probably sleep, so I sat there and then came in and got on the computer. She then said, "I'm finished with the dishes, I left my bracelet outside, can I go get it?" I said, "Hurry up."
I noticed that 15 minutes had gone by and she hadn't come in...so after 30, I got up, closed both doors and then sat back down on the computer, I prayed and said, "If she's bold enough to walk out at 9:00 at night, then oh well, she don't need to be here."
Which is what I've always told her. She has a choice, she can live with her dad who doesn't call/see her/and isn't paying child support living with his girlfriend and her three kids in a very nasty poorhouse. Or she could go to the state but she will abide by my rules in my house.
So, an hour went by and I thought, okay, well I'll be going to bed soon and whatever happens, happens. So then two police cars pulled up. They asked if I was her mother, I said yes. They said they had her, I said okay. They asked if we had a fight...I told them yes and that I told her it was my way or the highway, she snuck out and left, I closed the doors and went on about my business. She was telling them that I hit her, that I hurt her and she was scared!
I told them, she doesn't have to be here, I kept saying that and kept turning to go into the house. They kept stopping me. I told them, she has food, she's not abused, shes loved but she will not disrespect me in my house. They said well she doesn't have any bruises on her and told her she needed to respect me and do what I say and that I could discipline her to reasonable point. She kept saying but she said she'd bury me. He said he told his partner he'd throw her off the bridge when they were arguing, he said for her to go to her room and talk in the morning and that someone would be calling us.
She came into her room and then called her friends on the cell phone I bought and paid for and I told her to give me the phone, and she told them, "I gotta go my mom's taking my cell phone away..."
I told her I was cutting it off for good! I was in shock that she snuck out of the house, of course my neighbors were watching, and ent to her friends house barefooted and called the police on me thinking they were gonna do something. I told her that they would take HER away not me. She said, "You lied, you told the officer you would let me go to my room", I said, "Don't you know he can't tell me what to do in my own house?" I called my mom who talked to her but was slightly sympathetic to her saying that we needed to talk. I told her that was the problem, we talk all the time and I listen to her opinions and feelings all the time and she thinks that I can't discipline her. My sister who's 8 yr old daughter did something similiar cause she got in trouble for taking her moms diet pills, told the school nurse her parents had beaten her, said that she tells her kids daily that if they don't go by their rules they can leave. She said Lea wouldn't survive at her house. I told her to go to bed...she's still sleeping though its nearly 9. I have barely slept.
I am hurt, I am angry, I am frustrated with a child that has NEVER taken any responsiblity for things, it's always me. You'd think I was the worst mom in the world and the only one thats told their child that 'I brought you in this world and I'll take you out'. I am so angry I don't even want to speak or see her right now...I wish I could send her to someone elses house for awhile to take a break and let her see what she has. She told them I was abusing her...she doesn't know what real abuse IS!!
Patrice, I'm sorry you are going through all that. Girls that age seem to be "all drama, all the time" and they have no sense of proportion.
It would be really good if you were able to find some kind of support system where you are.
And maybe she should read a book about children who really ARE abused, so she can get some perspective. A child who is asked to help do some housework is NOT being abused!
I grew up in an abused home, my mother doesn't think so but it truly was in several ways. I've told Lea about what it was like to live in an abusive home but she doesn't get it. She thinks I'm not to tell her to do something. She thinks I'm not to grab her by the collar. I could understand if I knocked her teeth out or beat her to a pulp or allowed her to be sexually abused and then she ran off barefooted and said I was abusing her but this was ridiculous. My heart is sunk in right now, I feel like crying.
If she's willing to read...you can go to this site and type in Child Abuse where it says "Title, author, keyword" and some titles will pop up. I have read several by author Torey Hayden. Those would open her eyes.
She also needs to get a grip on the real reasons you call 911. What REAL emergencies are.
I know that Lea has a diagnosis...when's the last time her meds were adjusted? Also, with puberty, things can get all out of whack. It would really help you if you can find some kind of support system for yourself.
Patrice, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with Lea. I have two teenage daughters and know how difficult they can be. I think Barb has given some good advice. When you go to the new doctor, ask for a referral for some counseling. I did that with DD2 and it seemed to help a lot. We still bang heads from time to time as she is 15 and knows everything, but things have gotten much better.
Thanks. Its like it never happened but it did. The police never followed up on it and I did call my aunt, a social worker who works with abused kids to talk to her about what real abuse is. I have to call her again because she was out of town until yesterday so I'll call her tonight.
Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.
