All we can do is wait . . .

[BLTN_Mom]

I've been having a time with my dad. Our relationship hadn't been that good. He had been abusive both physically and verbally - which started because he was so scared after Mom was diagnosed with MS in 1980. Then he was diagnosed with RA then was hospitalized 6 months later with CHF and atrial fib. Over this same amount of time his finger joints were made useless for what he did for a living; auto mechanics. I learned from him since I had started to clean tools and I was taking over the shop. I did most everything at home as well. Mom was having more difficulty getting around and seeing her change just broke his heart. I was having trouble dealing with my own depression but he was dragging us all down into a well with his own paranoia.
I left in 1996 when I couldn't hack his accusations and leash tightening. Dad did discover he could do more things with the aid of canes and he had nurses twice a day in to help Mom. MY aunt and a family friend kept house. Uncle did errands and a service took care of the lawn. Dad never realized all of that had been on me. Later, Dad was diagnosed with Diabetes and Mom was diagnosed with cancer and was given only 6 months to live but she hung on. I saw her off and on in the home she was court ordered into.
I bounced from job to job. I got help for my depression. I landed a job that was perfect for me in 1997. I became a stocker in an auto parts warehouse. What else? I knew car parts and tools! I was hired by the company from the temp agency. I got to pull parts for stores and I learned receiving. There was a real nice guy running the forklift too. Found out we had a lot in common. After a tripping disaster that had me have surgery I was off work for 8 weeks. He was lost. I came back to find him happy once more and it was he who had me call Dad so he could officially ask for my hand. Thus I started into working on my relationship with Dad. I married Pooky in 1999 and 4 months later the company was sold and the warehouse shut down.
Of course Dad had the subtlty of a boulder rolling down hill. Amoung the false accusations made by the home and his exile from seeing her I stepped in as best I could. Catching the home in a lie, Dad got to see Mom several times before she died. Her funeral was two dasys later on my birthday. Twelve days later I had Boo.
2001 started well enough and I started helping dad on the house. We would have our blow-ups and I would make some royal goofs he held over my head. But Dad got worse. In 2005 he started paranoia again and then he started seeing things; working on car parts that only he could see. The first time he refused to go but he went the second time. They changed his meds and he came back home. He had 3 more spells like that in 2006 that lasted a bit longer. Pooky and he had an argument and he was banned from the house. I left that Spring and dad had a deadbolt put on the door and the locks changed. He threatened to have me arrested for forgery (?). I wasn't allowed to help Pooky finish moving us out of the apartment we had lost due to it being too messy and one-fifth of our stuff was thrown away. I had enough of that and I left in October. I even got me a job and started right after Thanksgiving.
Dad was fairly moble but tired easily. He had taken a family friend home. He went up to the front door and had problems with the keys to open both locks. Once he started to step into the house, he fell on his back on the front porch. Between a neighbor and his brother, he was put back into his invacare chair and back into bed. That was the last time he ever walked.
He had more of his 'episodes' and never come back. He lost weight. He inpinged on my time for sleep and for being with Boo. He started physical therapy and had an aide but Dad still couldn't even stand with bent knees.
When Pooky had his own crisis I forgot to call in and I was already on probation. I was fired. Pooky had not eaten like he should and he was dehydrated. An earlier injury to his knee became infected. But I had to send him back to the ER for the SECOND TIME before they knew what was wrong. He had the infection drained and he was in a week. I took him home and bounced back and forth until Dad, in his only thoughtful moment, relented and let Pooky back in over here. So I had Pooky on a walker, Boo going to all day Kindergarten, and Dad. I got bronchitis for the second time this year and then dad got it. I had reached my limit and dad was really bad. Home health couldn't send a nurse and the VA wanted me to take him (me - 5' 4" and wheezing @ 333lbs Dad - 6' 7" and 250lbs and unable to help and no one in any physical shape to help me!) to Muskogee. No WAY! I called an ambulance and Dad STILL was going to refuse to go. he was going to handle his health right here. I broke down and told him he couldn't. The paramedic, bless his heart, just decidied to take him. He wasn't stable enough to go to Muskogee, his heart rate was 150, even after two days of not eating and only some Ensure, his blood sugar was 400+, he was in atrial fib. He had COPD complicated with bronchitis and they found out why his mitral valve regurgitation was worse; he had aortic valve stenosis. Laymans terms is the blood wasn't going to his body and just going back and forth in his heart. His past memory is intact but short term ain't there. He chokes on most everything he swallows. I've checked with uncle and we agree - his heart is so worn out and he isn't a candidate for surgety to replace the two valves - so make him comfortable and let him go peacefully.
But he does tell them when he gets enough of them rolling him around!
That ole heart is as stubborn as its owner. He treats family like manure but if you had a cause that needed to be championed he was there with you 110%. Now he is in his own little world.

[ajrsmom]

Cherlyn, Big hugs to you for what you have been going through. I am glad that you have returned to talk to us here at FC.

If you need someone to talk to, you can write to me at any time.

Tami

[debknechtel]

Wow cherlyn sounds like you have had a tough go of things.....Prayers for you and your family and for your dad . May he go peacefully when his time comes.


Hugs Debbie

[trainlady]

Cheryl, Bless your heart.
I had wondered where you went and now I understand.
I am sorry for all you have gone through. I wish your dad a painfree Godspeed.

Please talk all you need to and know we are here to support you.
Don't be a stranger anymore, hear.

love,train

[Sammi1961]

Cherlyn, I am so sorry for all you have gone through. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hope your dad is at peace.

[Bunny]

Cherlyn, my heart goes out to you and yours, I will keep you in my prayers and just know that we are all here for you. L.O.L. hugs Bunny

[Pag36]

Cherlyn I too will keep you and family in prayer. It is hard to watch ones you love go "down hill" we are here for you

[BLTN_Mom]

Man when it rains it pours! It really has been raining which fits some of the mood around here. My MIL has been tag teaming with Dad when it comes to being in and out of the hospital. She had been in for a pace maker and had been at home with her oldest daughter (#4 of 7; Pooky is #6 of 7) when she started having some bad problems.
We were alerted Saturdau June 23 when the (#3 of 7) BIL's girlfriend swung by my dad's house and said the family was gathering at the hospital. We got all our feathers together and shot up there. Seems she had a problem with blood clots. Her right leg had turned blue and cold; there was no pulse and she couldn't feel her foot. They took her into surgery at 1pm to see if they could remove the clots or if they were unsuccessful, they would have to take the leg. They saved her leg, and put her in the SICU with just the wound covered incase they needed to go in again. With the amount of family, kids and adult grandkids (#2 son is whereabouts unknown), she had plenty of watchers. We did go back up Wednesday but it wasn't until Thursday we found out she had had a heart attack right there and they don't give her a week.
Dad is more aware and called me by name for the first time since April but he is still confused about where he is at. I tried to get him to sign some papers so I could get paperwork (I need his siggy to get the papers to get him taken care of and so Uncle and I can get guardianship because he can't handle his own affairs, catch 22, darn HIPA! and he can still say no and then we'd have to fight in court) but he couldn't hold the pen down on the paper nor stay awake long enough to sign. The home's doctor is going to evaluate him so I can get the VA placement started and the info started for the guardianship so I can get the earnings info the VA needs to take him . . .
Right now we just don't know who is going to go first!

[BLTN_Mom]

My MIL passed away Monday 7/2. The services will be Friday 7/6.

[Sammi1961]

Cherylyn, I am so very sorry to hear of your mil's passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.