Just stumbled over this thread, and I'm going to stick my few cents worth in!
I "lucked out" twice! My XH's parents were wonderful people. My mama told me ages before I ever married to get recipes from my husband's mother to make for him. It would make him happy and make her happy. I did that, and it set the stage for a wonderful relationship. We spent several visits in her kitchen, me writing down stuff, and just talking. When XH left me and the children for our live-in housekeeper, she and FIL were shocked and really angry about it - not at me, at HIM!
When he married our former live-in housekeeper 5 months later, she did come to his wedding - and stayed with me for the entire 4 days! At that point, the ol' curmudgeon and I were deciding about getting married (he had been a friend of XH and me for 4 or 5 years) and she went out to dinner with us twice, once with his mother, too! It was a wonderful relationship. Several years ago, about 2 years before she died, DH and I went out to CA to a conference and while out there spent a wonderful week with her and X-FIL. We spent long afternoons and evenings talking about everything under the sun. DH told them, "I am the only person who knows what J___ left and what he went to, and I can testify that the dumbs--- has rocks in his head!" They laughed so hard, and both told me privately that they agreed with DH. I was devastated when they died - 2 years apart. I wanted to be able to go out there for the funerals, but XH considers me persona-non-grata, so I didn't. Just sent lots of flowers.
The ol' curmudgeon's father died when he was in his mid-teens, so I never had the opportunity to meet him. His mother never remarried. When he and I started dating, she was very gracious. When we married, she continued to be gracious and friendly. About 5 years later, we were talking, and I was collecting recipes (as usual). She said, "When you and T___ married, I thought it was a really big mistake. I have to apologise to you - the two of you are very good for each other.
We continued to be good friends and supportive of each other right up to the end of her life. She was going to drive up to SC for my oldest two's HS graduations. Very active, not sick a day. And she died in her sleep that night. I was totally grief-stricken. It was like losing my mother all over again.
My X-SIL is mentally ill, and is very difficult and tiresome to be around. But, at the same time, she means well, and doesn't try to create strife in the family. I have no problems getting together with her several times a year.
The ol' curmudgeon's sister has always had her own life that simply didn't either include or exclude us - just very different lives and different priorities. However, since her husband died a few years ago, she and I have become fairly close. She is a lot of fun to be around, and we talk at least once a week.
XBIL lives in a different state, but he is very cordial. Whenever he is here to see his niece and nephews, he makes a point to come by and visit with DH and me. He and his wife are the new parents of a beautiful little boy - they are late marrying and starting a family, so they want to have children back-to-back over the next few years. I'm just so sorry his mother and father did not get to see his child, and to know that their family goes down two lines now, not just the one of their oldest son.
DH's brother is not part of our lives. He is a total loser - uses drugs and is very narcissistic - everything revolves around him and is about him. he will probably die of an ovedose, and we will be stuck with paying for his funeral. Well, that's life.
So, out of 4 sibs-in-law and 3 parents-in-law, there is only 1 "loser!" Pretty good average! Like I said, I lucked out. And I thank God for them every day. I pray for the repose of the souls of those who have died.
And on my side? My mother worked very hard at being an excellent mother-in-law. Both XH and DH cared deeply for her. Xh used to go visit her in the nursing home after our divorce! And DH went with me to visit her once or twice a week until she died. He doesn't show emotion, but his eyes were wet at her memorial service.
My father was a total a--h---, and therein lies a long tale that won't be told today. Maybe another time. My parents were divorced when I was 3, so I had little contact with him, and XH and DH had even less. It was a relief to both XH and DH when he died.
Memory Eternal for: Pickett, Milford, Elizabeth, Catherine, James and even John!
Cheerio!
Elizabeth
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~*~ And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her. And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law. And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. ~*~
~*~ Bible: Ruth 1:14-17 ~*~
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Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.
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God's speed.
