Inconsiderate Relatives

[ajrsmom]

This is a very long rant....I'm sorry, I just had to get it out of my system.


I am so mad at my sister right now that I could just scream.

My nephew's BD was on Thanksgiving day. My sister was in the process of moving, so I sent a gift card for my nephew to my Mother. (she lives close by and was going to spend Thanksgiving day with my sis). I sent it to her for 2 reasons, one, he would have a present to open from us and 2, I was afraid that my sister would use it for whatever she wanted.

Anyway, My kids picked out the game "Operation" for him. So I asked my Mom if I could send her a gift card with enough money to cover the game and then if she would go to WalMart and pick it up for him. She was more than happy to do that.

She tells my sister of what I had planned--by this time, the gift card was there anyway. My sister got mad and said that I shouldn't have picked anything out and should've just given him the card to pick out what he wanted---the reason I picked something out for him is because he is only 7 and I wanted him to have a present to open. Well, my mother decided to ask my nephew if he knew about this game and he was excited saying that yes, he did want it because it was like a doctor game.

Move ahead to today..... My Mother held off buying him the game to see what I would say about her comments--she is stuck in the middle and at 73, she doesn't want anyone to be mad at her. I could strangle my sister for this!

I called my sister today to see if she had picked up his gift card, she simply said "No". When I told her that it wasn't me but my kids who wanted him to have the game, she got such an attitude with me and said "Well, he can get the game ....whatever...it doesn't matter anyway". What?!!? It doesn't matter? It matters to me that he got his present on time. Not to mention the fact that my son's birthday was in Oct. and she has promised him 5 times that she was going to send him a package--then I find out that she gave the Steelers jacket that she bought him, to my nephew instead just because he wanted to wear it--so today she said that she would send him a gift card next week....along with the snippy comment "Just like you did". Now mind you, I haven't said anything to her about my son not getting a box from her--I will never say anything to anyone about sending things like that. It's just not the way I am. But I am to the point where if it wasn't for the fact the my son would love the gift card, I would tell her to stick it!!

It took all that I had in me not to call her an ungrateful *$%@@**!!!

I have been worrying for 2 weeks on what I am going to send to all of them for Christmas. For what??




Now I have to go to grocery shopping. I dare anyone to cross my path the wrong way!

[DeBora4BobbyL]

Sorry you are going through this with your sister. Unfortunately, we are stuck with family.

I want to ask you why you didn't just buy the game and wrap it and have your mother give it to him? I bet, when you aren't so angry, maybe you can find a creative way around this situation. I know it is difficult to find the solutions, if there are any, when you are emotionally involved. It is much easier to fantasize about strangling someone. (Now where is a strangle smiley when you want one? lol)

I hope your shopping trip makes you feel better. I have shopper's rage, so I'd end up killing someone if I was in a bad mood! lol

[jrztomato]

Tami...take a deep breath and don't let the "little darling" ruin your day..some people aren't happy no matter what you do and she sounds like one of them...at least the boy knows you were thinking of him and hopefully he will get his game..

[barbszy]

I thought you went about this in a good way--your kids helped think about a present their cousin would like (and they were right on), you sent a gift card to your mom so your nephew could have a gift to unwrap--important at age 7. And you didn't have to worry about spending postage on a box that could get damaged in mailing. You covered all the bases. I think your sis needs to grow up....(and Mom should have kept her mouth shut and stuck with the plan!)

I flat out refused to buy my brother's kids gift cards this year. They are 5 and 7. They need a gift to open, not a card to spend later.

As to Christmas, just think about the kids involved. What the grownups do or think is less important. But do make sure that the kids know you are thinking of them at Christmas, whatever you decide.

[Bilby]

I was good that your kids made the choice of game for your nephew. Unfortunately no matter how much we want to do the right thing it is often taken out of our hands. Kids take in everything truth be told in years to come your kids will notice and so will your nephew on how he's been treated by his mum.
Maybe it's time to make a $ limit on presents or find some other way.
2yrs in a row from my bro one ds was getting a birthday gift and not the other, that in my book is just not on, you do both or none (they have 4 kids I always find presents for). Now we do not give gifts but when we catch up for the day take a bag of the nephew or nieces favourite lollies/candy for them to have for themselves.
I can sympathise with you Tami as that is my side with my brother and dh side is another matter LOL I can't see that you did anything wrong and yet the ones that miss out or suffer will be her kids.
I give gift cards for birthdays but in my house santa or family do not give money or cards, I agree it needs to be a gift esp for the younger ones.
A gift is something you want to give, not feel you have to give, your kids are great to have put in the time and effort for their cousin.
Take a deep breath and don't let her upset you.

[ajrsmom]

I want to ask you why you didn't just buy the game and wrap it and have your mother give it to him?


Since I live in NC and they both live within a few miles of each other and see each other just about everyday, I thought that I could save on the shipping costs of sending the game by just sending the gift card and asking my Mom to pick it up. At this point, I really don't care what he gets with the money as long as she gives him the card so that he can use it. She will hold this against him as a way to get to me.

I forgot to mention that when I talked to my Mom about this, I told her the first time that if she would rather give him the card, that's fine as long as he calls my son to let him know what he buys---my son is like me and likes to spend a lot of time finding a gift that he thinks someone will like. Well, Right before I ended my call with my sis today, she says
"Since (my nephew) is playing, I will just say thanks for him now so it's done". Now, she is saying thank you for him and for a gift that he doesn't even have yet. I couldn't believe it.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I know that you are very busy and are having your own things to deal with. Thanks for taking the time to help me too.

[ajrsmom]

I am much calmer now (as long as I don't think about it ) or maybe it's the fact that I am tired. I am going to get it out of my head so that I won't think about it while I am sleeping.

Thanks for telling me that I didn't do anything wrong. I think that I needed to hear that too.

I plan on moving on with my plans for Christmas....I will buy them something and ship it to them early.

Barbszy, To say that my sister needs to grow up, well, that is an understatement! She has never learned the meaning of responsibility.

Thanks for allowing me to vent to all of you. I'm going to let it go and move on to tomorrow. I'll let you know when/if he gets the game.

Good Night,
Tami

[DeBora4BobbyL]

Since I live in NC and they both live within a few miles of each other and see each other just about everyday, I thought that I could save on the shipping costs of sending the game by just sending the gift card and asking my Mom to pick it up.

I didn't realize they lived elsewhere. That makes more sense.

Tami, we are never too busy to listen. I don't know what we would do without our friends to listen to us when we need them.

I don't know your sister, but if she is one of those types cannot be pleased no matter what you do, then you shouldn't worry about it. (Easier said than done! lol)

[QUOTE]As to Christmas, just think about the kids involved. What the grownups do or think is less important. But do make sure that the kids know you are thinking of them at Christmas, whatever you decide.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with Barb.

Tami, if you think it would make you feel better, print out some pictures of your sister, while your kids are gone, and shoot spit wads at her. You could post it on the wall where you would normally shoot darts. Hey! What about darts? That'll show her! At least you would go from this to this . lol

[hemlynne]

De Bora, you are funny - spit balls sounds good!!
Tami, I feel for you - sometimes it seems the harder we try the worse off things become. You have done well, thought it all through, possibly even been able to add to the gift card the $$ you'd have spent on shipping - so now try and not take it all on board yourself. Sometimes family are the hardest to please - even the best families are made up of people - and all people have flaws.
Try and put it behind you for the sake of the kids involved.
And know we are here to listen

[Bilby]

Oh yes DeBora you are sooooo bad but soooo funny
I haven't played darts for ages maybe I'll find a photo of my bro LOL, it won't achieve anything but will make me feel good!