Does anyone have a mother like mine?
My mom didn't really care for being a mother; she celebrated when my sisters and I grew up and left the nest (kinda exaggerating; but not much)...
Now that she has grandchildren...well she's picked a couple faves and doesn't give the others a glance...
And my kids are not any of her faves...I have to talk to mine and reassure them they are loved...
My mother and I have never seen eye to eye...and I'm wondering if any of you have that same relationship with your mothers? I went to therapy for years thinking it was me...but I've broken the mold and became a wonderful mother...my kids tell me all the time...
It's the best words i've ever heard.....
__________________
What is a friend? I'll tell you...It is a person with whom you DARE TO BE YOURSELF....
Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path...and leave a trail.....
My mother has passed away but I can tell you this much, we never had a relationship like most mothers and daughters. I used to wish for a mom who would love me, go shopping with me, have lunch with me, would love to be there for me, just hang out with me to do fun things together once I was an adult, but not my mom. She, too, had her fave and that was my brother! Hands down!!! When he and I had children, she, of course loved my oldest son, because he was the first grandson and the first great grandson on her side of the family. (That was a big deal to her!!! That I have the first great grandson!!!) My brother and SIL first child, unfortunately, only lived 18 months and little Matthew was a blessing to the family for that short time. He charmed all of us with his will to live and his strength to endure. Well, I had a second son, Adam, he was a little dickens! (We were a military family, so I was not at "home" when he was born and we moved around alot, so she could not, bond so to speak with Adam, her words, not mine!) and my brother had another son, Timothy. Well, the sun did not rise until he did. Oh, yeah, he was the favorite, as Gerard, my oldest was getting older he was no fun anymore, Adam was too far away as was Gerard, and there was Timothy right around the corner.
I don't remember ever receiving hugs, a goodnight kiss, a goodnight story, an "I love you" or anything that a child should get from her mother. Nothing!!!
I, too, broke that mold!!! Neither of my boys ever doubted that they were wanted, loved, cared for, cherised, and were gifts from God. I always told them I loved them, hugged them, read to them, played with them, (even though I was told I threw a ball like a girl!) LOL
When my mother passed away, she finally told me she loved me. On her death bed. It didn't mean anything to me. Too late. My boys always hug me and their dad and they are grown and one has made me a grandma. I am so proud of both of them.
So, no, you are not alone, there are alot of us out here! I am so fortunate that I have the worlds best mother in law (not hubby's birth mother, as she is the mother from hell), but the woman who is his mom, the one who raised him!!!! She is a great lady, one who does do things with me, we laugh together, go shopping, have lunch, I go to Va. Bch. and spend weeks with her and just have a blast! She has become the mom I always wanted!
Kellydid...
Thank you for your honesty; it's much appreciated...I'm glad things worked out for you (finding the mother you never had)..as for your mother passing and the last minute 'I love you' ..I can totally relate to that..and my heart goes out to you...My mom hasn't passed away but I can imagine her doing the same thing to me...And I know I would have the same reaction as you did.....
It's a good feeling; being able to break out of that mold ....to bake cookies with kids...little hugs throughout the day...seeing a smile on your child's face..participating in the kiddie functions ( i don't know what it's like to stand off on the side and not join in...I've always done things with my kids...) and best of all; hearing your child say 'You're the best mommy in the world'...( I have to chuckle.....because I'm the only only mommy they've known and will ever have..**wink**)
__________________
What is a friend? I'll tell you...It is a person with whom you DARE TO BE YOURSELF....
Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path...and leave a trail.....
Hello, My mother told me when i was pregnant with my first she didnt want to be a mom or a grandma i was told i was a mistake in a McDonalds parking lot. My mother and step-father moved 13 hours away so they didnt have to see there grandchildren. I have found out that she has been down this way and has never stopped by to see my kids. Thats hurts. I've always wished for that mother daughter realtionship that i can call her when i need it wont happen. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer in July i called and told her and havent heard from her since. I cant imagine having one of my kids go through that alone. My six year old doent have a clue who she is and my 15 year old is hurt but understands how grandma is. I could go on and on but i'm sure you get the picture. Im here if you ever need to vent!!!! hugs, kim
__________________ Friends are like windows through which you see out into the world and back into yourself... If you don't have friends you see much less than you otherwise might.
Originally posted by kellydid I am so fortunate that I have the worlds best mother in law (not hubby's birth mother, as she is the mother from hell), but the woman who is his mom, the one who raised him!!!!
This sounds a lot like my MIL. My husband's biological mother (we don't even refer to her as his "real MOM") is a flaming B-word. She thinks that all of her kids (she had 6) owe her something. We've finally severed the tie with her and haven't spoken to her now in 6 months. My kids understand, they don't care for her at all, they know she's just an unhappy, ornery old woman who thinks she's been cheated all her life.
As for MY MOM, she died when she was 45, and she was the best. I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss her. It's 14 years since she died and I still cry (sob, not just cry) on a regular basis. We didn't get to do all the things we should have been able to do together because she died too young. She didn't even see any of my children She was a great mom, I remember the tories, hugs, klisses, loving, everything. And I really miss it.
While I do have a good relationship with my MIL, and my kids are crazy about her and vice versa, noone will ever replace my Mom. It's really hard not having her to talk to about parenting issues and things from my youth. But at least I had that opportunity for a while, I am so sorry for those of you that didn't (including my husband). Noone should have to grow up like that, but at least you have all broken the mold and become wonderful Moms yourselves!!
I just had to jump in here, because reading your posts made me cry.
I was afraid to open this thread; and debated whether or not to..I'm so touched by the responses...and we share like family here..even though I have not the honor of meeting any of you girls personally....
I usually keep to myself about this issue I have with my mom; cause I just let go after time...
I had a really good sob this morning after reading your responses and feel so much better....not so much for hearing them; but more of a release....
Well; afterall we are women; and strong...we gain strength and move on....
Best wishes for everyone...
__________________
What is a friend? I'll tell you...It is a person with whom you DARE TO BE YOURSELF....
Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path...and leave a trail.....
There's really no reason to keep this all bottled up and inside and keep it to yourself. You would be so surprised to know just how many of us are out there.
Amanda, thank the good Lord that you were blessed with a wonderful Mom. Man, how I envy you. I know how you must miss her. I wish I could miss my mom, but I don't. I do, on rare, occasion, wonder what she would do about something I am baking as she was a terrific baker, but other than that, no, I don't miss her.
Man, the MIL's there must be a special place in the lower parts of the region for them!!!! Kelly's birth mom, and like you Amanda, we don't even dignify her by calling her mom, is a fine piece of work!!! When Kelly's half-sister committed suicide, she never called him to let him know, his half-brother did. Well, I called her to extend our sympathy and she called me everything but a white woman. Finally I told her the message that Kelly had told me to give her if she started in on me which was: "The wrong person put the gun in their mouth. It should have been you because you are the reason she did it!' Then I told her to go to the hot place!!!! We have not heard from her in over 5 years!!! We are not complaining!!! Kelly wants nothing to do with her. Oh, Kelly wasn't listed in the obit either!! She also is in to voodoo! So, no she is not a Christian!!
Kim, my mother couldn't believe I was still "doing it" as she said when I got pregnant with Adam! She was ashamed that I was pregnant! But then, my mom had two faces, one she showed only to me and the one she showed to the public.
Samsteram, my mom sounds like yours. She had 8 kids, and always seemed sort-of resentful of having to be a mom. It seems we were always competing for the little attention she gave us. Now she has 13 grandkids, and has a couple favs. For some reason my boys are the "chosen ones". Sometimes I feel a little guilty about it.
I do not have a problem with my mom but with my father. My father and I were close. When I married the first time he spoke to me less but was really attached to my 1st born daughter. I then had a son and I spoke to my father even less. (his choice...not mine...I tried to call him often but he always had excuses as to why he could not talk) As my daughter and son got a little older, him and his wife (who never had children) would take my daughter overnight but not my son. So I finally got up the nerve to say something to him about not taking my son. He said he would take him overnight too but didn't. When my ex and I divorced my father started to talk to me a little more. Then I met my current husband. After I remarried my father wanted to take my oldest overnight. I said only as a package deal or no deal at all meaning he takes my daughter AND son, just my son or he doesn't get them at all. He started talking to me less again and when I called to say that I was pregnant with my 3rd child he chewed me out on the phone and said he was disappointed in me and we spoke even less. After I had my youngest I barely spoke to my father (again his choice) and instead of being so upset and crying all the time trying to figure out why he did not want to talk to me any more. Well, 4 years ago as of this month I ended all communication with my father. My youngest is now 7 years old and she does not know who my father is at all. I should also mention that I have an older brother who is gay. My father and his wife made it very clear that they were very much against him "being this way" but they are very close to him and all buddy-buddy with him all the time. I don't know why my father has been like this. I see it as this....his loss not mine. I tried and had enough of his crap.
__________________ ~ Erin ~ Wife to Marshall Mom to Elizabeth, Eric, Elisha, & Eli Stepmom to Larry & Miranda
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Originally posted by MrsCobbler
I see it as this....his loss not mine. [/B]
Exactly! He doesn't sound like the kind of person you'd want your kids to be influenced by, anyway. But people change with age. Maybe someday he'll realize what he's missing and be ready to reconcile.
Love/hate relationship with your sister in law? Situation with your Mom? Plenty of things to talk about here.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss her. It's 14 years since she died and I still cry (sob, not just cry) on a regular basis. We didn't get to do all the things we should have been able to do together because she died too young. She didn't even see any of my children 
She was a great mom, I remember the tories, hugs, klisses, loving, everything. And I really miss it. 
