Okay, to make a long story short..... as some of you know I've kicked out the stepson and now suddenly my husband and his ex wife who were never friendly before are talking to each other on the phone all day and night, she went by his work to see him and no she's coming back to town on Wednesday and he's asked his sister and her husband if she can stay there for a few days. While I find this strange does anyone else? She's here to try to get her son to move back with her but this is kinda weird to me. Would love to hear what anyone else thinks.
Since I don't know the background about your step-son, I'm not sure if I commend his ex for her actions or not.
But, I will tell you this, for the last 7 years of my marriage, whenever we had a family gathering at my DH's parents' home, his ex was ALWAYS invited. They treated her as if she was still a part of the family, and openly welcomed her new husband and baby as if they were blood. It has always been uncomfortable and hurtful to me. My DH and I are divorcing at the end of the year, and while the situation with his EX and his parents didn't cause our divorce, I am totally relieved that I do not EVER have to deal with that situation again.
While I can't give you any advice, I think the situation you describe isn't as strange as it is disrespectful to you. I would tell my hubby, if I were you, just how uncomfortable I was, and how you don't get a good feeling about his talking to her all the time, etc.
Best of luck to you!
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Stacey
"Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear."
Darla253,, If my husband even thought about getting friendly with his ex-wife I would be so mad. there 3 children are all grow and I practicaly raised them. she had nothing to do with them tell thay were grow now thay think she is mother of the year bull **** does your husband know how you feel if not I would deffentley let him know. Just my oppinion
Darla.. I find it strange, yes... but you knew when you married him he had baggage... I still think you both need marriage counseling... you should go back. Tell your husband how you feel about all this 'communicating' with the "ex".... Lack of communication is the main cause of marriage breakups.... please make an appointment with the counselor ...both of you go, and tell HIM your feelings... and then you'll know where YOU stand.
You also have to understand they have a history and a child, no matter what you think of the kid. That will tie them forever whether you like the situation or not. It is his son, good or bad. She is his mother, good or bad. Seek counseling to decide what to do and your options and position.
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Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
Yes, I find it both strange and disrespectful to you.
Yes, they will always have a tie to each other due to their son. However, when they are talking on the phone "day & night" are they discussing him?
I agree 100% with Jeannie - you need to CALMLY tell your DH how you feel about all of this sudden, new chumminess with his ex and then make another appt. with the counselor.
I'm so sorry for the uneasieness your feeling.I'm in a similiar situation with my husband. We togather have 5 kids. 2 14year old girls(mine) 2 9yr olds(1mine 1his) and 8yr old his. I don't like to say this but I realy dislike his X we've had more than 1 run in. My husband tries to keep the peace, I feel bad for him sometimes(key word SOMETIMES) A couple of times I've had to remind him Who his FIRST priority is. Good luck and remember your not alone...But "day and night" NOT COOL!!!!!!!!!!I do believe it is time for a serious talk. Your his wife....First priority!!!!!
Havent been on in a few days so I'm really behind on whats been going on..but it doesnt sound good..Just wanted to say hi and keep your head up.. I'm sorry to say I have no advice just prayers....Take Care and keep us posted ..
God Bless..
Georgia
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Isnt life so sweet..just saying a small prayer each morning makes the day so much brighter....
I finally just told him "hey, bring her here to stay and I'll find elsewhere to go" and that's when I think he realized that it was wrong. Besides, his sister said no way would she let her in the door. Come to find out she had asked him to ask them because she didn't want to spend the money for the hotel. His son is grow, 18 so it's not like he's a little boy. All was settled and she's not coming back to town and if she does she's on her own and he did tell her to quit calling so much because there's nothing either of them can do about the son. I'm guessing she was upset and they did a lot of talking about what to do since they both were treating him like a baby but after a while I guess they finally figured out that he's old enough to do what he wants and it doesn't matter where he's at because he's not coming back here.
Erin, I've never met this woman but the first time she called here she was rude so I hung up. She called back and said "we must have been cut off" and I said "no, I hung up and from now on when you call my home you'll speak to me in a respectful tone of you don't call here anymore." After that there were no problems with her. I don't have anything against her at all. She's just the ex and I figure things like that happen ya know.
Jeannie, having baggage is one thing but having an ex wife calling all the time is another. I knew he had baggage by way of his son but once there's a divorce it's time for an ex to back off. I'm an ex and would have never dreamed of calling him after it was over unless it was something to do with a kid and then it would have had to be an emergency.
MoMtO3&LuViT, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Hope you're not getting a divorce because of the ex. She's not worth it. I do not understand his family treating her like she's part of the family at all. My husbands family does not like his ex and with good reason so at least I'm not stuck ever being in the same place that she is. I'm sure it had to be hard for you to deal with. I don't think I could have.
Thanks for all your advice and at least I've got it taken care of and we won't have to hear from her until the kid decides to get married if even then.
Darla.. I agree with you.. divorce means finality..break...but if there are children involved no matter the age, it's their excuse to call. You can't prevent it without a court order. You shouldn't be the one telling him...hey bring her here etc. He should have dealt with her calls in a strong way..no calls, no coming over no this. This should have come from him. I still think Y'all have lots of issues to deal with and in my humble opinion, y'all need to continue counseling, if for no other reason, but to have HIM understand what is what. He may be carrying unnecessary guilt around.
I'm telling you this as a friend. I'm on YOUR side.. but if you don't get him into counseling to sort out priorities, since he can't seem to do it, all these ultimatums are going to come back and bite you in the rear end. That wonderful phrase will come up.. "BECAUSE OF YOU...."... You need to get things clear on all things as soon as they occur. Please go to counseling together.
My first husband died at a young age. I went through this with husband #2....and his ex and his son who lived with us. His son ruled the roost... When I did the ultimatum thingy, the kid went to live with his mother.. Then came, BECAUSE OF YOU my son went to his mother. At that point there is no point to continue.
After 10 years I had taken all the abuse I was going to take. I too am entitled to a nice happy quiet life. And we too spent THOUSANDS in court. So I know from whence you come.
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Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
I know he should have been the one to deal with it and realize he wasn't doing right but I chalk that up to his being a man. LOL.
Oh there's no doubt he's carrying around unnecessary guilt. That was brought up in the first meeting. His guilt is over his son though and like the counsler said, some people never get over that no matter what and all he would end up doing would be "acting" like he had accepted that he had done nothing wrong. It's gotta be hard to be without your kids all the time.
The only way I know I'll never heard the "because of you" from him is because he has told me that if I changed my mind and let his son come back here he was going to leave.
Since the kids been gone things have been beyond wonderful and will continue to be. Like everyone, we've got things that make the other one mad and we have to deal with it and I should have spoken up from the get go about the ex but I didn't even think anything of it at first. It was a couple of days later before it really hit me that she wanted to stay over there at his sisters house. I was just like him, caught up in the middle of everything else going on.
I'm so sorry to hear about your first husband and then the second marriage being a nightmare but after living through the SS issue I fully understand. After all, if the kid were still here I would have filed for a divorce by now.
