What is your occupation, ladyjade... I'm curious......
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Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
You are calling them snide remarks because it's what you don't want to hear. You don't want to hear that this could anyway be your fault or that you may be the least bit guilty, and that you shouldn't lay all of your problems on a teenager. And I did read your post about the fact that he was seeing a psychologist--and their response was that he was a brat. If you had told them about the letters that said he wanted you dead as you said you did then a real psychologist would have realized that there is more to him than he's a brat. I never said that I have walked in your shoes, however, I do have fiancee that has a child with another woman, and don't understand how you could say the things you do about him when you all need to stop and see what you can do to help him. I see kids day after day that write in their journals that they wish they could die because their new parent doesn't love them, or that they wish their mom and dad were together still. I don't need to walk in your shoes to know what that boy is going through. And even though you declare he is an adult, he is still a teenager. I'm just sorry that you can't open your eyes to that and put YOURSELF in HIS shoes.
I am a child psychologist, and also a mentor at a local high school for teenagers that have no one else to turn to. I am currently going back to school to get a degree in early childhood education. Why do you ask?
This conversation is getting out of hand here. Darla has posted on this thread asking for advice. We all do so knowing that not everyone will agree nor will we necessarily like all opinions. While advice is appreciated it is not meant to be antagonizing or patronizing.
Please be considerate or this thread will be closed and abusive users banned.
Jayne
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Ummm.. why are you so on the defensive ladyjade?
I'm going to say my piece, because I've read yours and I think you've been brain washed over the years. Let me tell you sweetpea, that living within a 'combined' family is NOT the easiest thing, especially when the child is not yours and the child has never heard the word "NO" to anything. Been there done that, and what the PSYCHIATRIST told me was get out while you are in one piece and you have your sanity. Not that I'm going to go through the details with you.
There are children that feel they are the center of the universe and everything should go their way.....There are ADULTS, professionals, that fall for these little darlings, they know the game, lady, and they will walk all over you. You haven't a clue.
And then there are those that need nurturing.
Not all children have been neglected, not all children will accept the fact the their parents are no longer together. They plot, plan and talk to other kids, that plot and plan. Some are just plain evil. And the problem starts with the parents early on who have never said NO.... POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE reinforcement is the only way because that is the way of the world.
The kids with rage are those that have had it their way all the time and don't like it when it doesn't go their way, and it is not necessarily a negative by a parent. It can be ANYONE that says no to them. I personally have suggested to many to seek counseling. But you come off very bitter and all knowing....and you are NOT the final authority on anything.
I hope you take off your rose colored glasses, sweetie. Once you and your boyfriend get married, you will see how can things turn.
I have had this on the wall of my den.. every kid that ever came into my house has read it, and I've explained it. I think it's time that psychologists read it too, and they start instilling the meaning of responsibility into the "18 year old kids". The sooner y'all instill to kids and adults alike, that the world isn't fair, and that you have bust your behind and even if you do, it doesn't always go your way......and that you have to pull yourself up by the boot straps and keep trying. They will never be able to do that as long as you use only positive reinforcement. They must learn that consequences for actions exist....it makes them stronger and able to adjust to the world and make them tolerant of others as well.
Rule 1.
Life is not fair; get used to it.
Rule 2.
The world won't care about your self-esteem.
The world will expect you to accomplish something
BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3.
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
Rule 4.
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
He doesn't have tenure.
Rule 5.
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping;
they called it opportunity.
Rule 6.
If you mess up, it's not your parents fault,
so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7.
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes,
and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So, before you save
the rain forest from the parasites of your parents generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8.
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life
has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades;
they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer.
This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real
life.
Rule 9.
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off,
and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.
Do that on your own time.
Rule 10.
Television is NOT real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
__________________
Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
Abear... I posted it in each kid's room too... and in the kitchen.
I might add all of my kids, got what ever they deserved, they all worked through college...all were honor students.........and all of them are well adjusted.....and all of them are college grads with advanced degrees...... *smiles* I'm so proud of them!! *s*
__________________
Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
Darla.. I got it years ago... just copy and paste it to your email or word pad or note pad and print it... *grins*
__________________
Get a rise out of life!- Bake Bread!
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter the sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the car I drove....but the world may be different because I was important in the life of the animals and the creatures on this earth."
I did that so now I've got it. Thanks. I love that. Reminds me of a lot of things my mom use to yell at me. LOL. Think I'll send her a copy to brighten her day. Ya know, make her think she was right.
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