Need Insight! On The Fence!!

[leigh0770]

Hi. I am new here and have such an issue. I have three boys ages 4,7 and 8. I am a sahm. My husband works out of town (for right now). We live near my parents, brothers, ect. The boys are sooo very close with my family but.....we hate the area! We want to move back to florida (in the city I grew up in). Huband and self find such a connection there, also there are far better job oppurtunities for him there. Do we move because we "think" that'll make us happier? Do we stay for the bond with my parents? My husband and I are also recovering from a tough personal time. So many pro's and con's for each. No road is "the best", do we go where we feel we fit in and love the area, or do we stay in an area we don't like and connect with, for the family support? And NO, my parents won't move--we've begged! Any insight or experience would be appreciated greatly!!

[barbszy]

This thread has been moved to the "Extended Family" area.

Leigh, that is a really hard question. We live a couple of hours away from all our family. Close enough to visit occasionally but not close enough for anyone to be any help to us in an emergency (like when the youngest child was born!) or to see sports events. We know the kids do miss out, and it's hard to listen to the grandparents talk about how they went to their other grandchildren's games, graduations, etc.

That said, we are not in a financial position to live where they live. It's more affordable for us to live here, and we truly do like this area. So we have lived with it for 16+ years, and accepted it as "just the way it is."

[Sueanne]

Leigh....I made the big decision to move to Florida almost twenty years ago. I have never thought of moving back East even though most of my family was there. Since moving here both my Brother & Sister have bought homes here. My Mom came to visit every winter.
If you were happier in Florida and were raised there I am sure your family will understand. If it is affecting your marriage it is worth a try going back.
What state are you living in now? Surprised there are more job opportunities in Florida.
________
Sueanne

[Joy]

Leigh--You do have a big decision. How far from your family will you be if you move to FL? Too far for visits? When is the last time you have been back to your old home town? Have times changed it? What are the reasons you hate where you are now? Do the reasons for leaving you current area out weigh leaving family behind? I am sure you have probably asked yourself all of these questions, but if you haven't you probably should.
Barb is right that you could probably manage living away from family, but you will have to give up somethings that you enjoy now having them close. You will have to ask yourself if you can live with that.
Dh and I are lucky enough to live close to both of our extended families. For us personally living close to family is part of what makes us like where we live.
I hope you find an answer that is right for your family. Take your time and think it through.

[MsJReg]

Kids are so resilient. A move for the family would be better if the father can be home every night. It is so inexpensive to talk on the phone everyday so that will help keep the family bond with grandparents. Hopefully it is not too far for visits. You will never know how many friends you have until you move to Florida. Believe me, I live here and lots of relatives and friends visit me every year.

[KSJEn6891]

Dear Leigh,
I don't know if you ever reached your decision to move or not, but you asked for our advice - and my answer is that even though children are resilient and will make friends easier once they get into the school system and other out door activities, parents have to be just as happy in their lives too. First you and your husband need to to decide what is best for you as a couple, then how your children will benefit from your Pro's vs con's (I hope the pro's win out), then and only then do you configure your extended family/friends into your decision. I know it is a real difficult decision to make..I've done it three times already (we don't have children, but we do have pets which are equivalent to us as children are to others), and are in a similar situation now (2009). For us the only reason we are still here is that hubby has a good paying job, there are no state taxes to worry about, and I have family here. We are not interested in living in three other states where family and friends want us to be, but are considering moving back towards the mid-U.S. that are relatively closer to other friends and family. I hope what ever your final choice is/was you are much happier now, and Good Luck!

[Minny]

Leigh, I hope that you can come to a decision as to where you want to live. It's a hard decision to make. I agree with everyone here .. they have all made some good points. I would say Do what is best for you & your children. You can stay in touch with other family members & visit as often as you can. If you have unlimited long distance, you can call anytime day or night & it won't cost any extra money.

I chose to move to Florida with my husband. My children all live in Ohio except one in Tennessee. I miss them but they have their families there with them. I'm happy here. I love the weather. My kids all know that I'm happy & not having any financial burdens, so they are happy for me. My health has improved since I moved here 3 years ago.

[seleach]

Leigh, your children will adjust. You need to do what is best for you and your dh.
Your extended family will also adust if you decision is to move.

[BuddyBeanieBaby]

Leigh,

I think your kids will adjust more easily knowing that they can stay in touch with the family...there's always the phone and internet...

I live 1,200 miles from my 2 daughters and rarely get to see them but when I do it means so much more to me because I don't get to see them often or my grandkids...

Smiles & Hugs...

[cat lover]

bump