Elementary Aged KidsYour little ones have grown up right before your eyes! They are no longer those little babies they once were, and soon they are moving to adolescence.
Hello...I am totally new to this so if I am not doing this correctly, someone please let me know...I would like some feedback. I have a thrid grader that is a verry bright girl. She is in the gifted program at school. I am having problems with her. She seems to think she knows everything about everything and has an opinion even when she shouldn't. It has become a bit of a problem and am not sure how to handle this. Someone please help me.
I taught third grade for a few years before moving to Sweden. I had a student that behaved the same way. He was a very bright student but for a short time he was riding his "high horse". His mother was very concerned because she knew that as intelligent as he was he had much to learn.
This is what we did. I placed him into the fifth grade reading class. It was too advanced for him and he came back to me asking if he could go back to his previous class. It worked for him. Every child is different but it may work - even if it is some kind of extra curricular activity. You don't need to give her an activity that she would fail at but perhaps something that she'll really need to work at. It may just be enough for her to realize that not everything is a breeze and even bright and intelligent people sometimes need to work a little harder to achieve their goals.
My dd is in the second grade and they wanted to put her in the gifted program but I said I would rather wait for that to happen.
My daughter is also very bright (an so says all the teachers), and ALSO thinks she knows it all. I was actually in the class yesterday when she corrected the teacher (boy was that embarressing ) We are always telling her not to be bossy or a knowitall. I have to think of way to stop this before third grade... those teachers are mean.
There are no reading class or other class I can put her in that are way above her level, so what do you do now?
Can you try a cocurricular class - karate, dance, arts and crafts, piano ...etc.
Something that would not be a "breeze" to your DD. If it is something that she has to work at it may make her realize that she doesn't "know" everything. I'm suggesting this because in her world she is the brightest or one of the brightest.
I was a straight A student as a child up until 5th grade. I would make the honor roll every year. My principal would call up the honor students to the stage in front of the school. I probably became lax in fifth grde so my grades dropped below honor level. You can imagine how crushed I was when my name was not called.
I am not suggesting "crushing" your daughters feelings, of course - However, if she starts something that would be a challenge and not a "walk in the park". It may be just enough for her to realize that not everything comes naturally to her. In the end she may stop being "bossy" and learned something she can carry with her in life.
Again, this is just one method that may work. It is difficult to say when I haven't spent time with your child. In all honesty she may just grow out of it - or it may just tone down a bit. One never knows - but it may be worth trying.
My daughter, now 20 (pre-med, working full time, and getting married next year), went through the gifted program in school. When we did Girl Scouts for 7 years, we had an unusually high proportion of girls in Gifted in our troop, I think 7 out of 24 of them, so I have some experience with these kids. I also taught pre-K and even then, there are kids who are thinking differently at age 4 and 5. It's not just "what they know," but "how they think." Children who are widely exposed in the preschool years will know more, but that doesn't mean they are "gifted."
There's a reason that gifted is part of "special ed." It takes a different approach of teaching because the kids ARE different. For the most part, a child who is placed in the gifted class is relieved to find that s/he is suddenly amidst peers, classmates who don't think they are "weird" for the way they think. They tend to make intuitive links that non-gifted kids just don't see.
Be aware that her teachers are trained and experienced in dealing with know-it-alls. They basically have a roomful of them, and for the most part, these children have always known more than anyone else in their class and this is going to be a new experience, being with others who are as smart as they are. That takes some adjusting, but it's part of the teacher's job. And the other kids won't be shy about letting her know if she is too bossy.
Teachers in the Gifted program are surprisingly accustomed to students correcting them. It happens sometimes. And they know how to handle that with finesse, to let the student know that there is a right way and a rude way to do that. Don't YOU be embarrassed about it; it reflects on your child's intelligence and self-confidence but lack of tact (common amongst 3rd graders, I assure you), but it doesn't reflect a lack of parenting skills on your part. What you can do is make an appointment and discuss your concerns with the teacher and the head of the Gifted program. Let them know what you observe and ask, "what can we do to address this?"
Third grade is a big transition year in school, where the sugar-coat fun/learning of primary school segués into the more work-type learning of elementary school. It's a shame that all students can't have the environment of the gifted classroom: smaller classes, more one-on-one time, more creative process-oriented ways of teaching, and the creme-de-la-creme of teachers. ALL kids would do better in such an environment. However, gifted kids NEED it, otherwise they can become bored and atrophy or become troublemakers.
When my daughter (age 4 at the time) was in kindergarten, she had a delightful teacher who was talking about how words that sound the same can have multiple meanings, like pants or pear/pair/pare. My daughter raised her hand and said, "Like 'eyebrows.'?" The teacher said, no, eyebrows just has one. My daughter said, "Like eyebrows, the hair over your eyes. And like 'I-browse' in a store." I'm thankful that she had a teacher who could handle that with equanimity! Over the years, my daughter (and her classmates) routinely found errors in textbooks, conflicting "facts," and mistakes in everything from newspaper articles to the encyclopedia. Spotting things that are incorrect is SO typical of gifted children, and it is their nature to point them out. They aren't doing it to be ****y, they just don't handle inconsistency very well. "Justice"... that is, rightness... is very important to children at this age, and it is magnified in the gifted child.
Everyone has his own strengths and weaknesses, and your child will learn that in the natural flow of her education. I agree that getting her enrolled in things that are a challenge will help with that lesson, but I believe it is better to allow it to naturally occur, don't rub her nose in it. My daughter, for all her smarts, is not a good speller. She'd do the spelling homework, memorize the words, get 105+++ on the tests (including the bonus words), and then misspell the words a month later. She was devastated to get a B in Spelling and went to the teacher to ask why, since she had A's in all the assignments. The teacher said, you have put your greatest effort into all of your spelling assignments, but an A indicates "mastery of the subject," and you have not mastered it. It won't matter over the course of your life, because nowadays, there will be spellcheckers wherever and whenever you write. You have a brilliant way with words, and that will always be more important. (Third grade)
One of my daughter's friends, one that she went all the way through school with, was the eldest of 3 girls in a lovely but ordinary middle-class family. Many times, her mother would say "I don't know where she gets this!" Brandy could outthink her parents at a very young age. But her parents were bound and determined that she have an ordinary life, too, and they made sure she did Girl Scouts and sports activities and youth group at church and so on. Another friend, Kristy, has an equally brilliant father, often the only one who could keep up with her, and not always that! Nicole was the only offspring of two extremely bright parents, both teachers.
Interestingly, this past New Year's Eve, everyone home from college for Winter Break, these 4 got together and opened a 10-year Time Capsule they'd put together back at age 9. I don't recall what spurred them to make one 10 years ago, probably their 4th grade Gifted teacher.
I hope my experiences and insights will help you. It can be a real challenge, being the parent of a gifted child!
Our daughter is clever academically...(I do not use the word 'gifted' because every person is gifted in one area or another.) Regardless of her abilities, she is expected to: do well in class; to respect the teachers and those that are in authority; and to study most evenings (regardless of whether she "needs" to). I hear many stories of children that never need to study during their schooling years and then go to university and totally lose it because they have no study habits in place. (That may be something to remember.)
I don't know if I like the idea of a 'gifted' class - but I have not thought it through - as it is not available where I live. I wonder if being in such a class would give the impression of superiority. I agree with the gal that suggested placing the child in a new area of learning - something that has to be worked at and effort exerted and maybe not a natural tendancy for your child. Whether it be art lessons or playing a musical instrument etc.
Our daughter lacks in the area of track/sports etc. She still takes part although she never wins. She has had some very difficult days but I think in the long run (no pun intended) it does help round out her character. She has much empahthy for those that may not do as well in some areas that she excels.
I think the important thing is to remind our children of their strenghts but not to overly focus on them. If taken in stride as being a normal part of who they are I think they will fair off much better. I wonder at how much personal pressure to perform a child ends up feeling when they hear over and over again just how 'gifted' they are.
I was a "gifted" child in grammer/high school. I am now a mother and firmly believe that the best thing was that My mother found other outlets for me to try. Rather than challenging your child academically, you need to give her a social challenge. Get her involved in a volunteer program. Take her to a homeless shelter, to a zoo or farm, even a hospital or nursing home...even an animal shelter. I am sure that your town has volunteer opportunities. You can even check with your chamber of commerce or town hall. This way, she is experiencing other forms of "authority".
Take her out of her element and bring her down to earth!
Gloria, trust me, being in a regular classroom gives the academically talented person a sense of superiority. He (she) can't fail to notice that the work is much easier for him than for his classmates. I have a very academically talented 4th grade boy. His classmates tease and make fun of him, but he makes it worse by bragging about his intelligence. He is in the gifted program, but that's only for 2 hours a week. The rest of the week he is in the regular classroom.
As for how to encourage better social relations in such children, we have worked very hard at respecting adults. I don't see it as a problem if a child corrects an adult, as long as the adult doesn't get offended. If a mistake was made, the adult should cheerfully admit it. However, we do discipline for ARGUING WITH OR YELLING AT adults. The discipline has changed over time. Currently, it involves loss of the privilege of playing with his best friend for 1 day for each occurence.
Accelerated (Gifted) kids are twice as difficult to discipline, because you always have to stop and think first. Are they trying to be difficult, smart aleck's or is it just the inconsistencies that are just difficult for them to accept. The only way i can tell which it is for sure is by having had long hours of converstation with my fourth grade son. i have learned to pay attention to the little idiosyncracies, a tilt of his head, his refusal to look me in the eye, his cheeky grins, they're all clues to my sons feelings and thoughts. thank goodness !
VW, my son has a particular wide eyed smile when it's just an inconsistency in something that he can not accept, or agree with. However, when he wants to be a smart aleck he usually doesn't smile at all and just gives me a bored and annoyed look. The latter usually occurs when i am having a conversation with another adult. He simply feels a need to be smart ( i have found that in him it is a plea for attention and approval) it's taken me a year to realize although he is accelerated he has little self esteem gifted or not.
What i have done is to remind him that it is disrespectful to correct me in front of other adults, and reassure him that while i do believe he is smart, this is showing off and it's never nice to show off. This is usually followed up with a time-out, my sons most dreaded form of punishment.
As far as accelerated classes go my fourth grader is taking them, this does not seem to give him a feeling of superiority,in fact it seems to have the opposite effect on him. his attending accelerated classes was not something we just agreed to, it took days of back and fourth discussions. what finally made us decide to go ahead with them was that by the time he was ready for fourth grade he began to get bored with regular classwork, he then began to ignore classroom assignments, he said what's the point they can't stop me from passing, my test scores are too high. if he was that bored now before even the fourth grade it wouldn't get better further on, this was DeJavu for me.
when i was in the sixth grade my parents were approached by my school regarding putting me in accelerated classes. my parents refused, they felt it would pressure me to grow up too fast. unfortunately that was the beginning of the end for me. by the seventh grade i was so bored with the same classwork as the year prior, i began to cut classes.
This is not the direction that i want for my children. furthermore, if i feel at any time that it is too difficult for them, our school system has given me the option to pull them out and have them put back into regular classes.
Although as a child i was considered accelerated, this gives me no reassurance. my difficulties are that both my children, the youngest in preschool and the oldest in fourth grade, are both considered accelerated. however, they have very different personalities, my daughter has a poker face. so i will have to discover a totally different way of knowing.
We had a similar problem with my grandaughter who is in 3rd grade and is gifted in her acadenic studies but is very lacking in social skills. She is autistic and has ADHD along with a number of other behavior problems. She started telling the other kids that they were dumb because she got better marks on her work. One of her teachers suggested that she be assigned to help a slower student. She has been working with this classmate who has many physical problems and needs help not only in his studies but also with his lunch tray and on the playground. They have worked together for most of the year now and are the best of friends. She has learned how to interact with the other students and feels so much better about herself. We have even seen improvement here at home.
we are now trying to think of things to do with her this summer so that she continues to interact with others on a different level than she would here at home. She becomes fixitated on the TV or the computer as well as food. Does anyone have any good ideas. We do have her signed up for a couple day camps but that only takes care of 2 weeks.
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Sandy
A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that gentle hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
) We are always telling her not to be bossy or a knowitall. I have to think of way to stop this before third grade... those teachers are mean.
