Elementary Aged KidsYour little ones have grown up right before your eyes! They are no longer those little babies they once were, and soon they are moving to adolescence.
I don't know if this is the place to post this---but---my 7 year old son is out of control. He will listen to his father, but not to me. I am told this is common in sah-families. We have been thru this before and he came out of it after about 6 months, everyone told us it was a phase. He screams at me, and just lashes out in general. He is always telling me what a horrible person I am. I just don't know how to deal with this. I have tried restricting him to his room to play--but he will just scream at me from there, and throw things. He is getting more physical with each tantrum. The last time we dealt with this we had just had our 2nd child, and thought maybe it was the jealousy thing---that has been almost 4 years!! If you have any suggestions please let me know. I am very concerned and wonder if I should sign us up for counseling? Thanks for any feedback!
I would say that counseling would be helpful. I disagree that kids do not listen to their SAH mothers. I'm an SAHM with two kids, and my son is eight. When he's not listening and misbehaving, I count. 1--2--and I never get to 3. He knows he's in big trouble when I get to three.
What exactly is he upset about? Boys sometime have a habit of not sitting down and talking about their problems. Perhaps you could have a special time at bedtime to read a story and then just sit in the dark with him and talk about his day. Is he having trouble with friends? What type of discipline does your husband use that works? Could a grandparent have a talk with him?
I would also explain to him that throwing things and getting physical is not an option; that violence is not an option. What shows does he watch on television? Is he keeping busy this summer?
I hope your situation improves. I have found that raising my ds is more difficult than raising my dd. Keep the faith!!
Thanks for the words of wisdom. I guess I have just never had that much control over my son. He has always been very independent and maybe I don't know what to expect from a 7 year old?! Anyway, I think that he is not being kept busy enough. We are trying the reading at the library and their craft but when he disrupts other families there----only so much to do. I am going to work on keeping him away from the tv...he always wants to watch shows that he isn't allowed to. I will just have to continue working with him--trying to keep him busy and active. Again thanks!
How does your DH react when your son acts this way in front of him?
My oldest DS is now 10. We had almost this same problem when he was 4. One of the problems was that DH did nothing when he acted that way. I finally put my foot down and explained that by acting that way, he was basically telling DS that it was okay with him for DS to act that way.
We also sought counseling for our son. This helped tremendously as the psychologist figured out what the problem was. After about 6 mos. , we were able to terminate counseling.
One other thing, has your son shown any symptoms of allergies? Many years ago, I had a boyfriend whose niece acted like that. After she was diagnosed with severe allergies and put on allergy shots and a daily allergy medication, she calmed down. Just a thought...
I agree with "Ranequilts" that family counseling would be a good option for your family. It sounds like your son is very angry about "something". A counselor might know how to get to the bottom of this anger.
One other thing to think about is how you discipline your son. Consistency is the key, and mean what you say. Don't use empty threats such as, "You're going to be grounded for a month!" when both of you know you wouldn't follow through on that.
Another suggestion is to have weekly or bi-weekly mom-and-son outings - just you and him. Take him to McDonald's, the park, bowling, mini golfing, roller-skating, swimming - whatever he likes to do. That way he gets one-on-one attention without his little sibling being involved. Maybe you & your husband could switch off doing this wth him.
Try keeping him active and busy during the day, and limit TV watching! (Especiallly the violent programs.) Take him to the park, or a program at the library, or sign him up in a class through the Park District.
I hope some of this helps. I have two boys, ages 14 and 11-1/2, so I'm trying to speak with some "words of wisdom".
I think counselling is an excellent step. Sometimes it's a simple fix that's staring you in the face....(can't see the forest for the trees syndrome)..and sometimes parents spend countless hours and tons of guilt blaming themselves for "bad parenting" or their kids for "bad behavior" when it's a medical problem.
Some kids have illnesses that make it impossible for them to control their behavior no matter how much they want to. It's painful for them AND their parents.
Allergies were mentioned.
My nephew had a condition called Oppositional Defiance Disorder; or ODD. It's like ADD/ADHD, but it shows up as this awful out of control behavior. You say white...he just can't HELP but say black... something just made him do it...couldn't help himself.
With medication and counselling he is so much happier. He was diagnosed at the age of 10. He is 17 now and still takes his medication and sees a counsellor of his own free will, and says he is happy to do it. He talks about how scared and out of control he used to feel all the time, and all I remember is how we used to yell at him all the time. We just thought he was a beast.
But I'm getting off track...the trick was that his Mom finally took him to several doctors before she found one that would listen to her, and then refer her to a to a child psychologist...even when her first doctor thought she was "over-reacting" and that SHE was the problem, and a "lax parent", she trusted her instincts, and didn't take "no" for an answer.
We know our kids best, and we know when something is just not right.
Trust your instincts, and If you think something is wrong, go get help for your child. You're the only one that can advocate for him. Don't let someone else tell you you're crazy. Only you know what will work for you in your house.
Hi,
I also had a problem with my son from about 5 through 14. He would get very angry, mostly with me, would have tantrums, would be mean to his brothers & would basically just disrupt the whole entire family. I really was at a loss as to what to do. At times he would be so loving & would just snap at a moments notice. We were so stressed out as a family that I was really thinking of taking desperate steps. Then I would feel so bad at night, knowing that I probably had something to do with his actions.
His father left us when he was 5 and I remarried when he was 7. We went on to have 2 more children. When he was 14, He hit a kid at school & got suspended & I just knew that we had to do something NOW. I called Catholic Charities & got him into counselling and let me tell you, This child changed OVERNIGHT!!! We had weekly sessions & then bi weekly & then monthly and now he doesn't have to go at all.
It was hard for me to finally make the decision to take him but I wished I had taken him earlier. It would have saved years of painful family times for all of us. It finally came out that he was so mad at me for the breakup with his Dad. Truth be known, His father had a girlfriend and left us, but that is neither here nor there. He learned to control his anger and is actually a wonderful boy/man who is making us so proud. He was failing 8th grade but turned himself around in 1 mth's time & passed and even got an award for outstanding in science!!!
He now is almost 17, holds a job at Burger King has a car & is saving money for insurance to put it on the road himself and is looking forward to going into the military after he graduates. I never thought we would get to the point where we would enjoy him so much.
I am sooooo glad that we took him to Counselling. I guess I had this little thought in my mind, that if he had to go there, then I was a failure & did something wrong, But you know something? Just because your child needs some extra help, doesn't mean that you did something wrong. This world is a crazy place to live in sometimes & If we can get our children the help that they need, then I think that makes us pretty special. Good Luck & Thanks for listening.
RUN don't walk to a counselor....and make sure you go as well.
The longer you wait the worse it will be....and please please be
completely honest with the counselor.... You should have done this a long time ago...and If you are divorced or separated, then his father needs to pay for this as well.. If he won't kick in the money, go to court and make him. Do not delay.
Most cities and counties have help available on a sliding scale of payment...that is, what you can afford. So not going because you can't afford it is not an excuse... You can't afford NOT to go.
I'm not as young as most of those who post, and I do not beat around the bush. This is YOUR child that is crying out for help.
Make sure he gets it. *hugs*
I presume since he is 7 he is in school? You should have a counselor available at school...please take advantage or find another counselor.....a pastor who is trained in counseling, maybe a community counseling center (often will pro rate according to income if cost is a problem). You also may want to talk to your family doctor and get him a complete physical to see if there are any physical problems. It may be a phase, but it maybe something more. Acting out can be a sympton of something much more sever, and can get worse.
My daughter was older, but began exihbiting violent actions toward me after her brother was born (she was 13) and got to the point that she broke 2 of my teeth. We tried to handle it ourselves and she just got more violent and manipulative, and went as far as convencing family members that she had been physically abused, rather that being the one who was abusive....it caused a major rife in our family for several years and has just in the last year or so begun to heal. You may think that it isn't that bad yet,or that you can get a handle on it, but believe me, if you have ever dealt with family services, you would understand the importance of documentation from outside sources such as school counselors, or family doctor. I use to work for family services as a social worker, and unfortunately, in todays society many are often young and fres out of collage and little real experience and tend to be more likely to start out with the premise that there is a problem with the parents, and the parents are guilty untill proven innocent. I hate to sound like this, but I know too many people who have been throught similar situations, a you can't get physical and psychologically evaluations too soon, not only for your son's sake, but for your sakes as well.
We all wish we had a perfect tv family where the Mom and Dad are together and the children have no problems talking with them. Reality, though, is there are a lot of single parent households. Is it possible that your son has been physically abused? Does his dad talk bad about you in front of him? What happened in the days prior to him begining with this latest episode?
Ask yourself all the questions you want, then get your son to counseling. Take yourself to counseling. Feeling guilty for not providing your child with a tv family needs to be sorted out. I have raised 3 children ages 29, 21, and 19. My little rebel was my middle son. He is now a mature adult with a very bright future. It took a lot of soul searching, counseling, and prayer.
The most important things are to let him know that you love him, that violence is not acceptable, and that no matter what you are not leaving him.
cissikat 
has a car & is saving money for insurance to put it on the road himself
and is looking forward to going into the military after he graduates. I never thought we would get to the point where we would enjoy him so much. 
