How Young Is Too Young For "The Talk"?

MomsZoo · #1 (**permalink**) 09-24-2004, 08:26 AM

I have 2 daughters, ages 7 and 5. I'm not interested in telling them about "the birds and the bees" yet, but I want to teach them to respect themselves and their bodies from an early age without scaring them. When I was a teenager, I somehow got the impression that if I had sex with boys then they would like me. Naturally, the opposite was true. Like I said, I don't think I need to start having this talk with them yet, but when the time comes I'd like to be prepared. Also, with there being so much emphasis on sex in the entertainment industry and the media, do our daughters stand a chance? The media is a powerful tool and I feel like it has glamorized sex and promiscuity. How do you combat that?

elrey · #2 (**permalink**) 09-30-2004, 04:53 PM

I have a 4 yo and I feel you can never instill a sense of pride in our children about themselves and their bodies too early. My daughter sees babies and says when she grows up she wants a baby like so and so. I tell her after she's married she can have babies. I want her to grow up feeling pride about herself. Not arrogance mind you. I want her to know that her body is a cherished gift that God gave her, and it is too special to be given to just any boy or man. I want her to have the attitude about herself that the boy/man has to earn her. She is just not going to give it away. I want her to have the wait until marriage attitude. I feel the more you talk about it the better just like no smoking or using drugs or even taking a bath for that matter. It need to be out in the open and an approachable subject for your children. After all, its all a part of life.

RobertaD · #3 (**permalink**) 09-30-2004, 07:14 PM

We have included a minor "sex" talk in with the "stranger" talk since the oldest was 5. Since then she has cleaned her vagina herself as no one is allowed to touch her there (the exception is if Mommy has to apply medicine when she is sore from not drying herself well enough or is holding her urine and developes a urinary infection and the Doctor has to check her with Mommy in the room). We have had to talk about the "bad people" that hurt children and how to walk/run away screaming "help he/she isn't my Daddy/Mommy" if anyone trys to grab her and how not to go with anyone looking for a lost animal or child as in the last year 2 "bad people" have moved into our area and we were notifed by the Sheriffs office where they live. The sad thing is she isn't allowed to walk 1/2 a block to a friends house by herself because of the "bad people" that live within a couple of blocks from us. We have also talked about at what age she will be allowed to date and that having "sex" is for after you are married. Right now she thinks having sex is sleeping in the same bed and kissing from what she has seen on tv.

Jacquie · #4 (**permalink**) 10-01-2004, 05:32 AM

Our son learned about the birds'n'bees at age 3. As he grew older, we would add more, always an age appropriate discussion. Because of learning so young, & us always discussing things, he is now nearly 15, & has no qualms whatsoever talking about sex with me or his dad.

I don't think there is an age that's 'too' young to start. I can almost guarantee that your children are already hearing sexual things from classmates & friends, so the earlier you start telling them the facts, the better they will be able to handle all the garbage & dirty stuff they'll hear at school.

My son at 5 yrs, came home one day asking me what it meant to f.ck someone...this he heard from older kids during recess, so it's always out there. You can't protect them from it, but you can arm them with knowledge....good luck!

Hugs, Jacquie

MKS · #5 (**permalink**) 10-01-2004, 05:46 AM

You can have talks now, but gear your details to what your child is ready for. Let her know what is private, etc. But, here is my soap box........Don't have the tv on. Be very careful about what YOU as well as she watches. Is our need for entertainment really so strong that we need to fill our homes with all this garbage? Is it good to go ahead & watch this stuff because it makes us laugh? (I'm talking to myself here, too.) Aside from what is being shown on tv these days, there are much healthier things we & the kids could be doing. Toys, games, imagination! Should I get off my soapbox now? Ok.

irinam · #6 (**permalink**) 11-09-2004, 01:41 PM

We talked to our DS when he was 6. He asked and we answered.

Then he asked again when he was 10. This time we answered with a little more detail.

He is 17 now and I am pretty sure knows about most of it

We will do the same with our DD - i am sure she WILL ask. She has not yet, but she is only 4.

So, pretty much - kids let you know. I am sure you are pretty open talking to them about all of the subjects, and when they know it - they ask without any backthoughts.

MidnightAngel · #7 (**permalink**) 03-09-2005, 06:51 PM

I realize it's been a while since this topic has been discussed, but thought I'd reply anyway.

My oldest son is 8 and in the past he's asked the usual how are babies born questions, and I gave him a brief talk...nothing major. Well, the other day he came home from school upset that he might be in trouble for making a rude gesture with his fingers similating the male and female.
So, I felt it was the time to go ahead and talk about it. I had been thinking about telling him anyway, but as yet was not sure how to explain it for him to understand. Anyway, I just decided to go for it and told him a lot but didn't go into great details on everything. I did make sure to put in the respect part of the talk in great detail, as I want him to respect himself as well as everyone else! I especially want him to be respectful of girls when he gets older, and think it is never too early to talk about respect, which I have tried to do all his life.
He seemed to deal with it pretty well, except to say "Ewww, I'm never gonna do that!"