Whether you are young --- or not --- and are ‘In love (or not)’ and you do what so many do --- you get the license --- and then you realize that --- “This can only end in one way --- “ And I do not fully know (I’M lying) why I ask, but --- Should it end in divorce or the other way ---
How do you want your “MARRIAGE” to end?
The best stories are when they raise their children and in the final “chapter” after all is said and done --- she goes and within minutes --- even though they are not together --- he goes also.
So --- How do you want your “MARRIAGE” to end?
I had been threatened for years about how he was going to leave me,lately it was in three years.then he with his sisters help decided to have his paychecks direct deposited into his own account and we would have to beg for money. for 24 years he has been controlling, my self esteem was very low by the time he got done , I had seen a therapist to get better so when he decided to play his money game i was ready.....i said it would be very stupid to take the money....he travels and is gone all week leaving us with no way to even get money....i am a stay at home mom ..... sooooo i told him no more meals for him......i wasnt cleaning his room , ironing his clothes or basically putting up with him. so he took the money and i filed for divorce....when you get a divorce you have to have a firm plan in place..as much money as you can have stashed away in case your husband takes the money....... you have to be strong and not look back....... i hung on for so many years because i didnt want to have my kids for visitations he was abusive , he threw things , broke things in front of them, spit on me called horrible names and i knew when he couldnt do that to me he would get me thru them so i hung on.....my son is now l9 my daughter is 15 i saw a lawyer a woman and at the meeting had a list of questions i needed answered yet i sotill have more..... he still lives with us so we still put up with his noise but he knows better then to threaten or break something .....for me there was only one answer and that was to file ...i will stay in the house because half of it is mine..have your name on as many things as you can...have your own credit card in case like mine he cancels it.....move your bank accounts to other accounts if they are in your name you dont know if he has a check from the account and could clean you completely out. keep your credit card away from him he could max it on line they dont know who he is and if you use your moms maiden name he knows that.....men can be mean and hit below the belt.......when you can get copies of their income tax form .......a couple of pay stubs if you can ,keep reciepts for your lawyer so she can see what you have spent.i am still going thru it and learning how nasty he can be each day...they will lie to you and threaten you with what the lawyer said dont beleieve them you trust your lawyer she is there working for you. for me it was easy because he wanted the divorce as well though he didnt like i did it first........i cant wait for the kids and i to begin living again ....
It sounds like you=r going through a terrible time stay strong you'r doing great. My divorce in 2002 was painful in a different way I divorced a man I still loved because he also was verbally abusive would throw things and finally threw a wine glass at me when I was sitting down. I needed 24 stitches in my leg. This was a second marriage and he moved into my house , so it was easy to get him out. But he had a wonderful side all so and I did miss him when he left. He begged me to take him back and I did six months later . Everything was fine for a year then he started getting controlling again and blaming me for everything. He ended up leaving in handcuffs after I called the police. It's been two years since the final break up and I'm starting to get out of my depression and depend on my self for happiness and love. No one could understand what it's like to live with controll unless they have been there. good luck , Patricia Ann
Last edited by Patricia Ann; 05-27-2006 at 07:19 PM.
you are so right! it is very scarey and along with it you become brainwashed so you arent sure what's going on for a while...my kids and i are looking forward to our new lives without him.as far as another guy ever right now i saw no way! 24 years of control is enough.i want to read when i want to and not made to feel guilty , eat what we want and actually be able to buy the kids clothes without him looking over my shoulder..for him it was a game a messed up one and he has a controling messed up family of sisters backing him him....he now controls by trying to hold up the divorce itself..but very soooon his control will be over.....and the money will just come ..he will have no more control over us. i waited till my kids were older and didnt have to go for visitations i knew he'd mess with their heads to try to control me.....soon we will be able to live like normal people do....
You'r right , You do become brainwashed amd try different ways of fixing things they try to convince you that its you'r fault too. But the truth is we are not responsible for their anger. It is not an anger problem anger management dosen't help, It's a controll problem the way they see things and feel that they are more important than you are. Their needs come first ,They cannot see you'r pain only their own pain matters. They are always right and will argue for days to prove it. You can never win or end an arguement. It just wears you down till you finally stop trying. Patricia Ann
This is a really painful thread! I keep remembering what the Bible commands husbands and wives. Wives respect your husbands, okay, we won't go there. But more importantly is the time and words spent on the next part. Husbands, love your wives. And then the apostle Paul goes on to tell husbands just how to do it.
I would definitely leave a situation where I was being verbally and physically abused. No way would I stay! And having financial freedom is a must for a woman to defend herself. Even the Proverbs 31 woman had the ability to buy a field she herself considered.
I am so sorry that husbands don't get it. They just get so caught up in control issues they don't know how to love like Christ loved his church.
Find refuge you ladies! Especially if you have children so they know how to protect themselves too. Make sure you are very smart about getting out in a protected manner because research shows that the immediate period after leaving an abusive household is the time when retaliation by the husband is the most likely and the worst.
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Ellen in PA
"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
I was married for just over 2 years when I left John. We had a quick courtship. I met him on new years eve of 04. We were engaged on valentines day and were married 9/24/05. It just felt right. Everyone I know including family thought I was preggers because we married so fast. But I got pregnant 3 months later, suffering a miscarriage at 8 weeks along. We struggled thru our whole relationship with lots of issues including his drinking. He's an alcoholic that "has to have it to help him sleep at night" that's the excuse he always used. He would drink about a 12 pack of the high alchol content beer every night. He was never physically abusive to me. When he was drunk, he was very emotional and loving. He was smothering me. It got to the point where enough was enough. He was loving, but when he didn't get his way, he would be physically abusive to me and I just got fed up. I tried to help him quit drinking but he refused. I have been separated from him since 11/03/07 and he calls me all the time to tell me how much he still loves me and misses me. I tell him that I'm having more and more better days without him and he says he isn't. I think he's in denial. I think he thinks I'm coming back to him someday. I have filed divorce and should be final end of Feb, beginning of March. He said he's not going to contest it. He's a good man, but need help. He lives in Dwight, Illinois and I moved home to Michigan to be closer to my family. My family all hated him. He has a criminal past and they don't trust him. He's a Sex offender and everyone I know doesn't trust him. I understand why. I always kept my guard up around my 5 year old niece when he was around her but never seen any signs of a predator coming out of him. I just can't wait till the divorce is final so I can move on and start my life again. Thanks for letting me vent. Needed it!!!
Well, my divorce is finalized!!! Now I can move on with my life. I've taken my maiden name back and it's weird getting used to it again. I've been so used to my married name. LOL
Ellen in PA 
