Stepfamilies

dawny75 · #1 (**permalink**) 09-05-2002, 05:38 AM

Do ya'll find that living in a stepfamily affects your budgeting? For example, do you find that you're doing more entertaining of the kids because they have fewer weekends with you? Or are holidays more elaborate or expensive because of extended stepfamilies?

I'm looking for some feedback about how living in a stepfamily has affected your finances. Thanks! Dawn

Taximom962 · #2 (**permalink**) 09-08-2002, 12:49 PM

Hi Dawn, what a good question! I don't have any step-kids, but my oldest daughter is my dh's step-daughter. I remarried and had 3 more kids with my 2nd husband. I can't answer your question directly, but I find myself making sure that we try to spend EQUALLY amongst all the kids! The younger ones are not really into 'fairness' yet, but sometimes I see my dd 'thinking' that the other kids get more because HE'S their daddy. Which isn't true of course! So I can't even imagine what you have to go through! Our holidays haven't really changed, but my dh's parents are very sweet and include her in the holiday plans as if she were one of theirs. They opened savings accounts for their grandchildren when they were born and put money in there instead of just giving them a whole bunch of stuff. They don't do that for my dd, which is o.k. She has her own grandparents that treat her nice.

losflores · #3 (**permalink**) 09-15-2002, 12:32 PM

Was a "Stepchild" on both sides...and have "step-sons" of my own, but to me the words STEP____ are not revalent in either case!
To me I just had a REALLY big family and my SONS are just that, they are My sons, and I love them and fight with them the same as I do the girls I gave birth too. I had 2 daughters...Humberto had 2 sons and together we had Isabel, but they are all our kids and we have always treated them equally. No "special" weekends or "overdone" holidays are required, just lots of love, hugs and kisses for all of them and an understanding that no matter what that we are a family and we will always be there for each other.
Fussing and fighting will occur now and then, but that is part of being in a family, so my only advice to you is CHILL...don't let the
term STEP throw you...just love them and stay in your routine and kids are versatile...they will adjust to your style and your budget with time and patience and alot of "Family Meetings"! All kids like to to have a say in some decisions too!

Taximom962 · #4 (**permalink**) 09-16-2002, 10:29 PM

Oh, definately agree-everyone should be treated the same and forget the titles! I had to laugh one day last month when my daughter was told she was going to work on a family tree for school. We have NEVER said 'this is your half-sister' etc., in our family. They are all just brothers and sisters. When it came time to lay out the family tree for our part, she was stuck because she had never really thought about it that way before. That made me feel good inside! I'm fortunate in that I don't have any ex's making their opinions known, I know others aren't so blessed.

chea · #5 (**permalink**) 10-13-2002, 03:31 AM

To answer your question.....YES!! My dsd was here with us for only 6 weeks this summer. My dh had a 3 ring circus going on I swear!! We went to FL on vacation. This included Universal Studios, etc. She would ask for EVERYTHING and usually got it. My ds noticed YOU BET! I told him to just be patient. DSD hasn't gotten to visit us for 2 years since she lives out of state and biomom was difficult last year when we got married. Didn't want to send her out so I did understand but I admit I had a hard time dealing with it too. The budget was just blown to bits!!

losflores · #6 (**permalink**) 10-15-2002, 06:51 AM

I know it might seem simple minded, but have you had a "Family Metting" and not just with the kids that are Full time dwellers...I mean the whole bunch?
I have been married to Humberto now for 11 years and that was one of the first things we did...and the biomom was included in it also. I know it is hard dealing with ex-?s, but they are part of the children and it has to be a "shared" life for the kids, so why make it harder on them then it has to be. They are already having to deal with guilt and confusion, so if they KNOW what the realities are it seems to make them feel more secure about it all...and getting a Vote about things makes them know that what they think is valued.
Just my 2 cents worth...take care and bless ya'll!!