Helping with divorce roller coaster

**cat lover** · #1 (**permalink**) 05-25-2011, 05:24 PM

One of my sons and DIL have split up, we are co-signers on their house so we have a financial stake as well as an emotional one in this. We have been acting as the go bwtween them both and keeping it peaceful along with advice from my lawyer on doing so. They both are strugggling from paycheck to paycheck and are both continuing to pay half of the house payment each month. This can't go on forever and the house will probably have to go up for sale at some time. Just wondering how I am going to graciously handle the tension between them two and probably towards us as this progresses. I believe my son will handle it somewhat okay, but my DIL is the one still living in the house and I'm afraid the tension if going to blow when she realizes the house will have to go up for sale. Any advice?

RobertaD · #2 (**permalink**) 05-26-2011, 04:55 AM

Have they had any counseling personal as well as financial? Might be better if someone else points out that neither one can afford to keep the house which would need to be refinanced to get the ex off the loan and you as well.

I would tell each that you are there for them but wont listen to any bad mouthing of the other. If you are able to you could offer to help with a garage sale or online to sell their unwanted/extra stuff which would give them some extra money now as well as get rid of clutter which will make they house show better.

Roberta

**cat lover** · #3 (**permalink**) 05-26-2011, 05:01 PM

They have gone for counseling, and it helps for awhile, but then things come back into full circle, Finiancial counseling they have had also, but only one of them controls all the money which is one of the biggest problems. They just don't get it; that $5 or 410 would help if they thought about how they are spending. We have assissted many in financial matters and even have gotten one out of $40,000 in debt just spending wisely.

So far they have neither done the bad mouthing of each other. And we have already been clearing the house of lots of things, so I guess "when" the house goes up for sale that much will already be done.

**cat lover** · #4 (**permalink**) 10-14-2011, 01:12 AM

The divorce is almost done and they don't talk to each other, but we have open communication with both and peaceful at that. At this time the DIL will have 3 years to refianace the house or it goes up for sale and if it doesn't sell a complete auction within 90 days. Since the divorce papers have been going back and forth and I get to see them she well makes enough money to pay the house payment and live comfortable; her priorities are just screwed up! She has now started making the house payment (with mutaul aggrement between them both) and can see that she CAN do it. Once her other spending habits run amuck it just might work for her. She also has 2 nieces and their mom living with her and paying rent which helps. Plus now she has the responsiblity of it being two small children she feels she has to house so that should keep the house payment and all going good.
What I don't understand now is her need to ask what her soon to be ex (my son) is doing? He doesn't want to hear anything about her so I donlt relay any of that info, but she continues to ask about him once in awhile...I don't get it! Any advice from someone that has been there done that?