what do I do

[happymom]

My parents(mom and stepdad) are moving to my neighborhood. My brother bought a house down the street from us a couple of years ago. My brother had talked about moving to a different town last year, and my parents were going to go there. Since he decided to stay they are coming here. He is both of their child together. They obviously favor him over me and my stepbrother(my stepdad's son). I just don't know what to even say. Am I supposed to be happy they are moving here? They made it clear they would never move here if it was just me and my family here. My brother and his wife had a child last year, so I know they want to be close to them. I have had four children,who love them too.

[Mish]

I would keep my distance from them.Maybe it will work out for you and maybe not.Hopefully you can have some kind of relationship with them.But don't put up with any of their stuff too.I am now on my own with only step brothers(2) and one sister.We get along ok.Just not very close to them.I am more close to my mom and step dad but i know that can't always be the case.Hope this helps.
Mish

[barbszy]

I guess I would just say, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Whatever their motivation, your parents will be in your neighborhood and that could be wonderful for your children.

I do relate to your feelings and it's not even a stepfamily situation in my case. A few years ago my parents sold the home we all grew up in. They thought about moving near here, but then changed their mind and instead moved closer to my brother (and semi-close to my sister). It wound up being FARTHER away from me than they originally were. It still hurts me when they talk about going to this grandchild's ball game or that one's music recital, since having grandparents attend those things is not possibilities for my children. We live too far away.

But in your case, I'd welcome your mom & stepdad with open arms. Let your children enjoy the benefits of having grandparents (and cousins!) close by. My kids do not have that and we really feel the lack.

So if you can, let it go and just enjoy the fact that whatever got them there, they are THERE and that could be great for your family. Maybe in time you will all grow closer.

[Mish]

Barb,
That is some very good advice.I can relate to that as my mom and stepdad live close to one stepsister.And they talk about going to some of the kids stuff too.It is a good thing for me that they like to camp,fishing and going to see their friends.That is why I am making a big deal about my middle dd.I don't ask for alot and my mom knows that I am counting on her to be there too.

Mish

[Coll]

I'd say welcome them to the neighborhood. Let your children do the inviting to any special school events. That way they can't say "Your mother never invited us".
If you aren't keen about the idea of them moving in so close, keep your doors locked so they have to knock instead of just barging in.

[Vrsherren]

"Don't borrow trouble" Welcome them and like Coll said keep your doors locked. I also liked the idea of having your kids invite them to their special events. Kids are smart and if favoritisom is played, the kids will let them know how they feel. You won't have to say anything, or interfere.
My in-laws have always played the favoritisom game, and my kids could care less if they come around. My 3 are all grown and able to choose who they want include in events, and my in-laws are left out. My family lives across country from us, but would call and send cards. It wasn't the "things" that make my kids love my side more, it's they feel their really loved.
If you have neighbors that are older and like kids, maybe your kids could help with raking leaves, mowing lawn, etc. and "acquire" grandparents. Too bad you're not in my neighborhood I'd love to acquire more grandkids!!

Vivian
Ps. Nona, one of my acquired grandkids had her last chemo and is doing ok. She had to have 2 pt. of blood and 1 of platlets, but is doing better than expected! No cancer was found last check!!

[Lisa Berry]

From experience I can say kids figure it out real quick. I have a similar family issue. I decided "the buck stops here". My kids and myself will start from here and go on the way it should be. Golden rule applies, treat others how you wish to be treated. I can't change/fix my relatives but I can make sure my kids know that I care and they should not continue the cycle with their children.

[Mish]

That is all very true.My in laws are going to try to go to great grandmas house to try and put the dishwasher in.I have learned that when they stop over for a 2 hour visit to let the kids do what they want to do.My middle dd has a b-party this weekend with a sleepover.I told her to do it.It is all part of life.I would love it if we lived closer to both families but I aslo like living farther away too.The good part would be that the kids would be able to see the grandparents more.Oh well.That is my 2 cents.
Mish

[Vrsherren]

Right Mish, Just go on with plans your family makes and if they wish to be a part of y'all life they can call. It's really the grandparent's loss if they choose to stay away. Like I said earlier, your kids will see what is going on and adjust. I just wouldn't make a big deal (even though I know it hurts you), and keep your family schedules. I think it would set a good example for the kids on how to handle disappointments in others, at least it did for mine.

Vivian