angry, scared and hurting

[bluebird]

It has been a year since I last posted here. I can not believe how things have changed! Dh has not done a complete 360 but very very close. I did start college in May. He had a hard time with me not being here all the time but he has ajusted. There are still some things we are working on but I do think it will be okay but than that even. We are planning on moving too. I put my foot down, I would attend college, graduate and leave with the kids. He could come or stay. He decided to grow up and act like a man. He has also lengthend the apron strings to the breaking point. He refuses to play the head games his dad loves to play. Doesn't fight with his dad just refuses to play the 'games'. I do feel a little bit bad for FIL, no one will play the 'game' with him anymore. The inlaws are getting old and they are alone. But the crap they dealt to everyone is the cause of it.

[mgoodcooke]

I think the hardest part is that your son is giving you a hard time as well and you feel you have no one to talk to or to guide you. my son is l9 and even after the years my husband was mean to him he has an amazing loyalty to him.... instead of helping me with money that his father would just hand to him during summer vacation or to give his sister some to help her get school supplies or even to talk to his father and tell him not to be that way he took the money he was given and the cash he had made during the summer about 160.00 and took his girlfriend for ballroom dancing lessons.only worried about himself...never asked once how we were doing thru the commotion and told me that his fathers lawyer had said i wanted out because i must be having an affair....when does that happen anyway i'm always at home or with the kids i think for that you'd have to have alone time what a joke.... but then he threatened that if he found out i was he would never live with me or come visit me he'd live with his father. and when i mentioned to my son about a receipt for a hotel for two guests he made up an excuse for him oh he must have needed two beds give me a break! he was going to throw me under the bus if i had done anything and his fathers was in black and white and he made up excuses for him. i told him a million times not to be involved just where during the divorce my husband put him....there was an incident about the cell phone plan his father kept bugging him about it...he would call me and i knew what it was about so i didnt call him back ....my son calls me yelling at me because i didnt answer the phone i told him it was not his concern....the other night the phone plan was cancelled which is fine i wanted a new one anyway ..now he's im ing my daughter telling her he's not mad at her he has &*%&&$)#*)#$ parents who put him in the middle......he told me not to call or try to reach him unless i was going to apologize yeah for what.its harder when the kids are involved husbands its easier we can say ok had enough of you but your kids it's tough.my son always made excuses for his father he's sick he's bipolar.....ok and he can take his medication and try harder my husband was more of a controlling bully then just bi polar and was enabled to act badly because my son would come up with excuses for him and baby him.....i know one thing if he thinks i'm going to college to pick him up for thanksgiving then he'd better start apologizing and quick i will not be spoken to be my own l9 year old son the way I was spoken to by his father.for a long time i kept saying poor kid after the message on the machine it was thought out and it was a monsters voice i heard screaming at me sounded just like his father..now he can step back and decide what he really wants out of his relationships with his parents .my husband is having fun he is getting to me thru our son not a good place for him to put himself and then after being told to stay out of it he blames me for putting him there. the male mind is a difficult one to figure out that's for sure and at this point i'm tired fof trying to .

[mgoodcooke]

parents have such an affect on their kids and they dont even know it ....my soon to be x has a family of 5 kids the stories he would tell of things his father had done.....knowing how disfunctional they were of course i didnt know that till i had two kids .... i had met the family when we dated spent a lot of time with them and they all put on a great act. his mother got tired of the fighting and trying to survive the father she ended up finding her peace in the bottle and became an alcoholic still trying to raise two teen daughters.... he came with a lot of baggage i didnt know about.i spent 24 year taking abuse and trying to "fix it" i dont have the qualifications....parents pass behaviors down to their kids and though they try not to follow in the pattern mine complained about what a jerk his father was for years never going to be like that and ended up worse. for christmas if you got his father a shirt it better have a pocket for golf balls and then it became in front of every one not another GD shirt....i know where he got it from all of his sisters are the same way, made it tough to be with them all at the same time .....i tried to show my kids that there is a way to treat people and that wasnt it...i wanted my daughter to know she didnt have to take what a man dished out if it was abusive and taught my son not to abuse but i worry about him the way he can talk to me what will his wife in the futures fate be, will my son be breaking things and scaring his wife and kids......parents play a very important role their kids look up to them and they need to take it more seriously.