Tis the Season ~
"Oh, sod the Christmas season,"
A grumpy Santa said,
"Let’s pack up all the reindeer
And take a cruise instead.
"I’ve had it with my schedule -
And that hopeless back-up bunch!
The elves were drunk all afternoon
From going out for lunch.
"We’re way behind production!"
(Santa wasn’t done.)
"They think this is the time of year to
Shirk and have some fun."
"Come and have some breakfast, dear,"
His patient wife replied.
"Do you want your eggs soft-boiled,
Scrambled, poached or fried?"
"I’m putting too much weight on,"
A portly Santa whinged,
"This old red suit is far too tight,
And the other one got singed.
"There’s never time to buy new clothes,
I’m sick of being fat.
Oh, Christmas! Now it’s snowing –
Have you seen my woolly hat?"
"It’s right beside the sleigh, my pet.
Now go and spread some cheer.
But remember not to drink and drive –
I know the kids leave beer."
Seeing off her husband,
Mrs Claus looked all done in.
"Thank God it’s only once a year
Now where’s that bloody gin?"
(author unknown to me)
Ellen in PA 
