Dear TX Chef -- what great news!!! Communication is usually the biggest problem when it comes to money. I would suggest that if DH can't resist using his debit card, you give him a certain amount of cash each week and when it's gone it's gone.
Also by using Quicken, you can setup a category with your name and his name. Then when he buys something for himself, post it to his budget item. If it's $20 cash and he can't remember, jus post it to his account and make a note in the memo section that it was cash -- no receipt. Then each month you can print out the transactions posted to each of your categories and it will show who has spent what. If he spends a lot more than you it will be very obvious and you won't have to be the "warden". We use Quicken and have categories for each family member plus an "Entertainment" category. This has been helpful for me because when I buy items for the kids, get gas or groceries, it shows on paper that I was spending money but not for myself.
;-)
The main thing is to try really hard not to blame each other. When we do have to discuss money issues that might be somewhat heated, we go out to dinner and then talk afterwards. That way, we don't hold resentful feelings all evening at home.
I wish you much success as you work this out with your DH.
Things have gotten so much worse. My husband wants to just give up as he sees no ends in sight. He wants to file BK but I do not as I have done that years ago and know that it is bad. I said we should try Dave Ramesey's plan and it worked for like a week until he realized it meant him not spending money.
I am not sure there is a solution in sight.
__________________
Until we "meat" again, break an "egg"
We have been married for 19 yrs and I've always taken care of the money and paying the bills on time. My husband doesn't not think about "its the 18th better pay the cable bill", etc. so he doesn't touch them.
When possible our checks are direct deposited so that saves a trip to the bank before bills can be paid and he doesn't have to remember to give me his check.
We both have pocket money for the vending machine, lunch out, etc. but any big purchase is discussed before bought.
I can see how he'd have a problem with not being able to spend any extra money - that's kind of like going on a diet where you can't have any junk food, it's lasts for a little bit but then you splurge BIG TIME. If you have a steady amount coming into the house each month (paychecks are usually the same amount each pay period), you can sit down & wirte out a budget with him. Tell him "This is roughly how much comes in each month, this is how much we spend on bills each month, & this is how much is left." Then you take half of what's left & put in savings in case something unexpected comes up (car needs to be fixed, for example) & the rest can be spent on luxury items. Remind him that he needs to talk to you before spending any luxury money to make sure you have enough to cover it that week. Let him know that you can save up for lasrger items, so he doesn't think he'll always have to go without them.Have one person in charge of paying the bills, but sit down at least once a month to discuss how the finances are doing. That way, he stays informed about the money, but you get to make sure the bills get paid.
My dh was married before me. She was horrible with money. She would spend money all the time without a thought to what needed to be taken care of first. It caused a lot of problems with them. Then she started lying to him about her spending. I guess she thought he wouldn't notice that there wasn't enough to pay bills. That's a big part of the reason they got divorced. You need to get your dh to understand that this is going to take work & sacrifice. You don't want something like money to come between you two.
In our house, I am in charge of the money. I pay the bills because my hubby would probably forget. Everything is paid on time & in full. When he got divorced he got the $7000 in cc debt, so we've decided it's better not to have a cc. We've been married for just under 2yrs. In that time we've paid off all the debt he brought with & most of the debt that I had (I was a single working mom before we got together & sometimes no matter how hard you try the money doesn't stretch enough). We always discuss any purchase before it's made. He has no idea how much is in the account most of the time, so he actually asks if we have enough to buy a movie or cd that he wants. We sit down regularly & talk about our finances, so that he knows what's going on. But for the most part he's happy with me in charge of the money. It saves him the stress of dealing with it & he knows our bills are always paid.
I hope you are able to get this worked out.
Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
Posts: 12,099
We have always had a joint bank account. I do all of the "bill work" but I keep him in the loop on what's going on. All major purchases are made by both of us together. It works for us!
Since I last posted 4 yrs ago DH has been out of work half of that so money has been really tight but we have been able to get the bills paid on time and the only debt we have is the mortgage.
DH knows there isn't a lot of money for "fun" so we do the $1 video rentals or free ones from the library. We do save up so we can have a mini vacation which is generally just a day out to an aquarium or amusement park and take our most of own food to help keep the cost down.
All non-job money goes into the savings to help cover those unexpected bills that aren't budgeted for.
It works for us!
