Hubby and I have always combined our finances, since the beginning of time. He has always said that he never understood the concept of married couples having separate bank accounts. To be honest, for years I have secretly wished that we had set things up that way from the get go. I handle the bills, budgeting, etc. Problem is, he will go and buy something and not tell me about it, then I find out when I am doing the bills or checking the bank. He's a proud man and it's very difficult, or maybe even impossible, for him to outwardly show others that things are tight right now. So instead of calling and asking if we can afford something, he'll just get it and deal with it later. I have a much different view on things. I am more frugal, and if it were completely up to me, I would cut a lot of our cable channels, deny certain purchases, etc, but I'm not the only one who earns money in this house. This has been especially difficult for DH since we made the move back to WI. When we lived in Vegas, he made triple the amount of money he does here and I know that's very difficult for him to swallow, even though we moved back for good reasons (not a good place to raise our kids).
Would love to hear others' opinions on the whole separate or together issue. I'm probably going to teach my daughter to keep her money separate from whomever she marries. I personally wish we had one joint account for bills, and two separate accounts for our own earnings and personal expenses. Then we could agree on how much each of us contributes to the bills and go from there.
Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
Posts: 12,099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crafty Amanda
Hubby and I have always combined our finances, since the beginning of time. He has always said that he never understood the concept of married couples having separate bank accounts.
This is us. It works for us. I'm thankful that my dh doesn't go out and buy things like other guys will do. I think that he knows that we don't really have the money to do things like that without talking it over with me. Still, I always find myself finding a way to buy stuff for everyone else in our house besides myself. I feel guilty if I have to use money for something for myself when it could go toward something else.
Would it help if you told your dh that unless he stops the buying like he does, that you are going ahead and setting up separate accounts? Maybe the scare tactic would work?
Would it help if you told your dh that unless he stops the buying like he does, that you are going ahead and setting up separate accounts? Maybe the scare tactic would work?
You said this is us. Did you mean you have separate accounts? if so, I would really love to know how you handle the finances if you don't mind sharing.
As far as threatening, that wouldn't go over well. LOL I've done it before and it just invokes a huge argument.
I should probably clarify something. We never make large purchases without each other. For example, a car, appliance, that type of thing. What I'm referring to are smaller things, but big enough to hurt us for the week. For example, my oldest son finally got a job. He is working outside splitting wood, cleaning stalls, moving wood, etc. He has been using some gloves that we have here, but his hands have been getting really cold. So I had made a comment in front of DS and DH that we should get him a pair of work gloves from WalMart or something. In my head I'm thinking $10? Anyway, this morning I'm looking at the checking account online and there's a charge for $100 from hubby's tool guy. We do make a weekly payment of $40, but when I asked why it was $100, he told me he bought Tony a pair of gloves. I asked if they were $60 and he said no $40. Sheesh! So I imagine he probably (being "Mr. Proud I'm Not Broke" that he is) just said "oh just round it up to an even $100.
Now see when we lived in vegas, the kind of money he brought home, $60 was nothing. I never would have questioned it then. But now, well that's a different story. This is the kind of stuff that drives me nuts. We could have gotten a pair of gloves for $10, but instead it cost me $60. That's $60 I did not plan for this week and things are really tight.
So I'm not referring to big stuff, but it's big enough to make an impact when you are living paycheck to paycheck.
We have always had a joint account and I go over our budget every 6 months with him. He will check with me before ordering something to see if we can afford it this month or if he needs to wait.
Now my DH would have turned to me and said well go get him some gloves and not taken it upon himself to get some.
Now my DH would have turned to me and said well go get him some gloves and not taken it upon himself to get some.
Roberta
I guess our problem stems from going from a much higher income to having to really make ends meet. Something he wasn't used to, and I think he might be rebelling against :-/
Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
Posts: 12,099
Sorry, Amanda, I meant that we've always had a joint back account and that we've always felt the same way your dh does when he says " He has always said that he never understood the concept of married couples having separate bank accounts"
My dh has said before that we are basically the only couple out of all of the guys he works with, that handle their finances together. The other couple split the mortgage, bills, kids bills...etc. One guy was even telling my dh at Christmas time that he was writing a check out to his wife for half of the Christmas presents that she bought and that she owed him for the Uggs boots that he bought their daughters. That's too much for me. IMO, why bother getting married?
I guess for the most part it's fine, I just wish he wouldn't have such a nonchalant attitude about it. I just wish he would come to me first about everything, but then he probably feels like he's asking his mommy
We have gone from being able to pay for private school to being on the free breakfast/lunch program at public school so I completely understand having to adjust to lower incomes.
There are times that we choose to go over budget on group activities but we know we are doing it which is completely different then finding out that a spouse spent $40 on a pair of gloves, etc.
Amanda, would your husband be willing to sit down and discuss what bills are coming up this quarter so he can see where the money is. For example if the car insurance is due in March the checking account might have several hundred dollars in it that are earmarked for that bill and not to be spent.
There are times that we choose to go over budget on group activities but we know we are doing it which is completely different then finding out that a spouse spent $40 on a pair of gloves, etc.
Roberta
We do this too. For example, it was our anniversary (18th) on the 3rd. We NEVER do anything for our anniversary. Last year I told him I was sick of not celebrating and that we were going out to dinner and a movie no matter what. So we did, and you're right, that's different, we both know about it.
See, when we lived in Vegas, we lived pretty high on the hog. We lived in a nice gated neighborhood, were able to give the kids money every weekend, we went out to dinner and a movie every Friday night, and there was always money in the bank.
For me, I don't mind moving to a lower income, like we did, but that makes things tighter. That seems to be something DH has a difficult time with mentally. He has even told me that it drives him insane that we don't have money whenever we need it anymore. We do, however, own two houses, one of which we rent out (no profit involved however), we both drive newer cars, and we are able to buy a houseful of grocery every week. I consider that living pretty well. He on the other hand, doesn't, only because he sees all of our $$ going out the door every time we get paid. Instead of looking at the things we already possess, he constantly thinks of the things he can't go out and buy.
Sigh
Ah well. And yes, we have sat down and talked about the bills, he used to be heavily involved in them actually. Used to look in the check register everyday, etc, drove me nuts in fact LOL! Now he would rather just let me handle it all, I suppose because it depresses him
This economy bites. I wish it would hurry up and turn around so his work would pick up more.
I am going to get serious this year about decluttering the house and selling what is still good to put in the savings. We are trying to build up our savings as much as possible as DH will be applying for disability later this year which will be a long drawn out process.
