Finances - Separate or Together? - Page 2

**Sammi1961** · #11 (**permalink**) 10-16-2010, 04:49 PM

Amanda, dh and I have tried several different ways. When we first got married, we had a joint checking account and I was in charge of it and paying the bills and dh got a set amount of spending money each week to use on anything he wanted ( a pittance really but it gave him money in his pocket. he was always complaining on why we couldn't afford things because he never saw the bills I had to pay etc. (we had 6 student loans to pay on when we first got married). It was also hard when he would write a check on forget to tell me so hard to keep things balanced. So, after 5 years, I got tired of his complaining and gave him the checkbook, bills and told him to take over. Unfortunately, I never got any spending money and had to ASK to buy anything which made me feel very demeaned. So, how we do it now is we each have our own checking account and split our bills according to income. He makes a lot more money than I do so he pays the mortgage, car payment, oil bill etc. and I pay things like the phone bill, cable, car insurance etc. This also gives us each some control and some spending money. It works for the most part. I think each person in a marriage should have some control and their own spending money that they can spend how they choose and not feel guilty or have to answer to anyone. I don't buy much for myself but do like to buy for others occasionally or be able to order a pizza for dinner for everyone once in awhile without having to ask.

cau · #12 (**permalink**) 10-17-2010, 10:08 AM

We do joint accounts but each get $$$ to spend as we wish. Dh always made more so his go into the checking account for bills, my check went into a saving account from which we pay for food , entertainment, clothes etc. This account is fluid and always going up and down. We also have larger saving account for the savings and I put house tax and insurance in. Only taxes and a joint decision get $ out of there.

**Coll** · #13 (**permalink**) 10-18-2010, 08:44 AM

We have a joint account for the household bills, etc.
Then Andy has a separate account for all the lawn care stuff he does over the summer, that money is for gas for the mowers and trimmers.
I have an account that I use just for me, books, cell phone, stuff for the kids, etc. The money in here comes from babysitting.

mbybee · #14 (**permalink**) 10-31-2010, 09:50 AM

Part of my wedding vow was 'all my worldly goods I thee endow'. Everything I had belonged to my husband and everything he had belonged to me. We were a team. He has passed away but that worked very well for us for over 49 years. We both knew what we could afford but we never made large purchases without discussing it with each other.

**DeBora4BobbyL** · #15 (**permalink**) 10-31-2010, 11:02 AM

Until I finish school, which I hope will be in December, we've had 2 separate jobs and 2 separate households and tons of bills. I pay them all. But, there are ways in which your DH can feel independent and yet you not have separate accounts. You can get a special account from your bank that is tied to your account in that they know you both own both accounts. However, the separate account is only to be used for online purchases (in case someone uses the information to withdraw more than agreed upon) that way, you won't have an overdraw that impacts your rent, utilities, and so on. That account can also be used for DH to make his own purchases. That way his purchase choices will not have an impact on your bills. You would only have to keep a specific amount in that account and it would still belong to both of you.

One other idea is to get a temporary credit card that is used only if you put money in it. I forgot what they are called. It would be his and you could add money to it as needed.

As far as budgeting, I have all my finances on a Google finances calendar. I can set it up to remind me to pay bills. When I pay bills, I can mark it as paid with the date paid and check number if I had to write a check. I can also see at a glance what is coming due soon.

**Bilby** · #16 (**permalink**) 10-31-2010, 12:02 PM

We've always had a joint account from the time we were engaged and for us it works.

Maybe it's time for a reality check for him, it'll look worse if for some reason you go bankrupt. Cut up the credit cards? Sell the other house and put the $'s in a term deposit so that you get lots of interest and have that bit extra to fall back on?

Good luck

motherof2 · #17 (**permalink**) 10-31-2010, 12:36 PM

I do not know if you know about Dave Ramsey but he is a very good financial expert. His is on the radio here and on TV. He also has a website. We follow his ideas and he agrees that a joint account is what a married couple should have and to stick by a budget. He may also have some ideas to help your husband get on board with you.

jokir · #18 (**permalink**) 10-31-2010, 12:54 PM

We've done it both ways. Initially it was a joint account. When my mom died she left me money that was put into a separate account with only my name as DH requested. It was used for bigger purchases such as appliances, carpeting, etc. My paycheck went into joint acct. When I retired DH asked me to put my retirement checks in my own account which by that time had his name on it too because we put everything into our estate. He has never used that acct. and doubt he ever will. I write most checks from the joint and the other is not used much.

megrayau · #19 (**permalink**) 11-01-2010, 01:23 AM

We have always had joint accounts. I do have an account with my name on it, because of a weird cirumstance with one job I had. At present the family allowance goes in there and that helps keep that money for the kids activities and a bit of savings now and then!
We have an amount each to spend each week. At the moment money is really tight and we both need to check before purchasing anything. It has worked for us, and I would be suggesting our kids go that way when they get married (depending who they marry maybe?).
I have a feeling that 'mine and yours' may have added to the instability of marriage here in Aus. Not in every case, but certainly in some. I know of women who have a private account that they stash what they can in for if or when they separate, so they have a nest egg.

**Bilby** · #20 (**permalink**) 11-01-2010, 07:46 PM

I useed to have a friend long ago and when she got married they kept separate bank accounts, he'd pay this bill, she'd pay the groceries BUT there came a time she said that hubby was going on holidays for a week and she wasn't going as she couldn't affort it, that just sounded weird t me.