How to Hug A Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years
McGraw-Hill’s soon-to-be-published How to Hug A Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years offers parents specific strategies for dealing with peer pressure, raging hormones, mood swings, body image, computer “addiction” and sibling rivalry in tweens (children in 5th through 8th grade or approximately 10-14 years-old). Parenting expert Julie A. Ross, M.A. (executive director of Parenting Horizons, a company devoted to enriching children’s lives through parent and teacher education) offers techniques that allow parents to shift from a “controlling” to a “relationship” approach. Some of the important, timely topics that Julie addresses in How to Hug a Porcupine include:
Talking About Sex, Drugs, and Alcohol “Why are we talking about this? I mean really, I just ate.”
Julie teaches parents how to overcome their own embarrassment when dealing with this topic, and describes the three basic categories to communicating with children about sex: presenting the facts; offering reassurance that your child’s development, thoughts, and feelings are normal; and articulating your values. She also shows parents how they can stay current on information on specific drugs and their availability to middle schoolers.
The Computer “Addiction” “Just let me finish this level, OK?”
Julie offers parents a “crash course” in current technology and teaches them how to use “relationship” and “communication” to set limits on computer use and to teach middle schoolers about the dangers of the Internet.
Peer Pressure and Changing Values “But everyone in my grade is doing it!”
Julie shows parents how not to react with horror when middle schoolers voice values different from theirs (multiple piercings, sexuality, alcohol), and she shares how to explore issues with children and how to make “family meetings” work. Julie insists that the key to remaining influential lies in adopting an attitude of curiosity about tweens’ ideas, philosophies, and values. Approaching their outrageous statements with a mind-set of “tell me more” is extremely effective.
Dealing with Defiance “I’m going into my room, and I’m never coming out!”
Julie helps parents identify the four goals of misbehavior in middle schoolers (seeking attention; seeking power or control; seeking revenge; and seeking withdrawal) and shows how to avoid “communication blocks” – the ways parents miscommunicate with their children when the child is having a problem.
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