Don't Want a Big Deal

[barbszy]

My husband and I just had an argument because I don't want to make a big deal out of my birthday. I don't like being in the spotlight and I'd rather just spend the day quietly doing the same things I do in a normal day (though if someone else would take dish duty that would be great with me!)

He wants me to ask him for some extravagant gift and he wants to take the day off and go spend it doing things HE would like to do for HIS birthday and then come home and have tons of company. Not my idea of a fun time.

So now I am in the doghouse. He has already had 2 surprise parties for me and while he thinks those are great fun, I really don't. It was nice to see the guests but I'm just the quiet type.

Advice?

[Coll]

Tell him that you would like for him to plan something just for the two of you.

[ajrsmom]

Try explaining that the best present that he can give you is some quiet time alone just so you can relax. To go along with it, he could give you a gift card to your favorite book store and then maybe a gift card to Bath and Body or somewhere where you could purchase a new set of pjs or a robe and slippers. All the makings of a relaxing day. Tell him or give hints that he and the kids would make it the best BD if they would take over the chores and cooking for the day, too.

I hope that you can convince him to do something that you want to do.

[sonya]

I sympathize with you Barbszy. My DH would much prefer a quiet time at home. My Stepdad said that is just what men say, but not what they want. I know my DH and he
Definitely prefers a quiet time. Dh recommends you make your reservations for next year now so that you are not at home.

Maybe your DH need some gentle convincing. Perhaps say you know he loves, by all the little things he does for you…but the greatest gift he can give you is quiet time, because you are involved in so many community activities with the kids.

Maybe the birthday party is his way to show you how much he appreciates you.. so you may need to give him other options if you really do not want a party. Suggest a fine restaurant with a corsage.

Express you have no need for an extravagant gift… either you have no room or you would prefer to save for college. How about purchasing a savings bond every year with the money he would spend on a gift or party and save up for a cruise when the kids are out of the house.

[barbszy]

Thanks for the good ideas!

I don't want to sound ungrateful that DH wants to make the day special for me. It's just that his idea of special and mine are 2 different things!

Besides, our daughter is away on vacation with a friend this week, and I'd rather celebrate as a family (me, DH and all 3 kids) when we can all be together. Now that, I think he can understand.

I'm going to tell him that I want to go out to dinner to a place we ALL like on a day we can ALL go. And my daughter can make me a cake for the day so we can come home after dinner and have our cake (she likes to make cakes so this is not a big chore for her).

[sonya]

Barbszy.. .Sounds like my kind of Birthday! Enjoy the family!