Should you tell your child they were adopted?

[Caronamy]

We are in the process of obtaining perm custody of my cousins daughter. She's 2. When she's a little older and can understand we will tell her.

Another cousin adopted a baby girl from Korea, who is now 17, she always knew she was adopted - she looked different anyway!

I would never hide that fact.

[Eve]

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But, nevertheless
Truly my own.
Never forget for
A single minute
That, You weren't born
Under my heart
But, in it!.

[Candy]

Originally posted by katrink1
I am an adopted child and have known about it since I can remember. Please tell him. Being adopted is not a disease or curse. As far as I am concerned an adopted child is no different than a birth child.

The reason we held off and didnot tell our daughter she was adopted was selfish. No disease or curse...just another set of parents to HAVE to share her with. I did not want to share my daughter with any one. She was ours. But her birth parents were around here and a special case . This would not be true for every one. I do agree with you on knowing ... but needed to tell you why we broke our promise to ourselfs to tell her young. I still don't like sharing her! She feels like our child and although she acts like our child most of the time she does call her birth mom , mom which sometimes cuts me to the bone. So you see it might not have anything to do with the child except adopted parents who selfishly want to hog their child all to theirself.

[seashelle]

We told our daughter from the very beginning because we were really afraid that when she got a little older someone might tell her. We did use the word "special" because she was so young, not to undermine natural children at all...all kids are special. We just figured it was an easy way for her to understand. It seemed to work for us and as she got a bit older we added a bit more..such as growing in another lady's tummy. She is quite comfortable with it now at age 11. We also bought her a story book about adoption and learned only to bring up the subject if she asked. We always answered her answers truthfully and never gave her any more information than she needed to know. At present time she has met some of her biological family and seems pretty well adjusted to it. She treats them as friends of the family and they treat her as a friends daughter. I can only pray that all will go well because I know we have those rocky rebellious teen years ahead of us yet.

[megrayau]

Both dh and I have an adopted sibling. In both cases the child knew from a very young age they were adopted. My big brother used to tell his mates that I was his adopted sister and make it sound like I was the adopted one!! LOL. I loved him too much to ever say anything about it!

Both my brother and SIL have found their birth parents since turning 18. It has been good for them both I think, but they still think of the family they grew up in as their 'real' family.
I think it is important to tell them and there must be some excellent kids books around to help. I'll try to find the name of a couple for you!

[DeBora4BobbyL]

I personally think that the child will find out eventually anyway. It would be easier to teach the child in a matter-of-fact way just as you would if you were telling the child about the day he/she was born than to wait until they are older and they are shocked by it. My sil has an adopted DD. She has been told from day one about the wonderful day she was brought home from the hospital when she was adopted.

[sweetnell3]

Our dd is adopted, we got her as a baby. We never kept it a serect it has always been in the open,as her birth mom is a cousin of dh so we felt it would hard and unfair to keep it from her.She is 14 now,when she was 8 she met her birth mom.She has had contact with her older half sister and brother during all these years. She thinks that it is cool that she has two mothers and two dads though she has not had contact from the birth dad. So in our case it work out better that she knows.

[DeBora4BobbyL]

Nell, that is so cool!

[sweetnell3]

She has a younger half sister who is three ,we have seen pictures of her but never got to see her in person as the dad has custody of her. Our dd is very please of her older brother ,our ds,they are very close.