The gist on the radio talk back was, adults that actually have well paid jobs and are succeeding in the business world. At home their parents either did or do not expect much of their kids while at home, parents do all the housework, all the washing, all the cooking etc, and either ask nothing in return, or the kids offer nothing in return, therefore the older kids have life to good and just don't leave, why would they?
If they do leave they come back because thier parents have done all the work for them not prepared them, they don't know how to look after themselves never having had to cook clean etc.
But I do know that in life STUFF happens and things don't always go according to plan.
I'm with you I think DeBora.
There is a wonderful book called, Raising Self-Reliant Kids in a Self-Reliant World," or something like that. It talks about how parents prevent their children's brains from developing well enough to think on their own by bringing them their lunch money at school when they forget it, bringing them their coats at school when they forget them, reminding them to bring their school books, catching them when they are going to fall off their tricycles, and so on. It was the only book that made me feel like a bad parent because I did ALL those things. I stopped doing them and told my children that if they forgot their lunch, they would miss a meal, if they forgot their coat, they would freeze, and so on. It did not take them long to learn that if they didn't use their brains, they suffered. This was on a small scale of what they would suffer as adults. Missing 1 meal at lunch didn't hurt them if they got a good breakfast and a good dinner. The benefit outweighed the loss of 1 meal as they learned to think for themselves and learned the consequences of their own behavior. I am still a big believer of this philosophy. However, if an adult child is going to college or something similar to improve their lives, I say that a parent should help that child out!
Hmm I have thoughts on this one, but my kids are only 15 1/2 and 13 (tomorrow!).
I left home at 21 to get married. My brother was still living at home at that time. I don't know that there is an age, but I do think no matter what age the kids are they should help out at home.
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I dont think that there is an age on that. I moved out when I was 26 because I was getting married. Not that I could afford to move out, but because we got married. I could care less if my son ever moves out. He can stay as long as he'd like. Yeah he's only 10 now, but we are very close. As for being able to afford to move out, its extremely hard. You can barely find an apartment for under $700 or $800 a month and they're not the nice ones. I know that when I moved out, I looked at my Mom before she went to work and thought that there were tears. We could have stayed. She very willingly accepted my son and I back after our accident. Why not? I did all of the laundry (when I could), cooked, cleaned, paid some bills and bought some groceries. My parents wouldn't have a problem if any of the 3 of us would move back.
Tammy
Thought I'd weigh in on this subject also.
I moved away from home when I got married at 18 going on 19. Three years later we moved back in until getting our own apartment(3months) with our 2yr old dd. My ds moved out the same year I did, getting married at 17. She has moved back home a few time with and without kids due to her dh's job (he was in the Army and when he was deployed where she couldn't go, she went home to mom)
When I was 38, with my dh and three dd's we lost our home in FL and moved to NC and moved in with my parents. I thought it would be for about 6 months-ended up being 3 years. (try fitting 7 people in 3 bedrooms-as well as having other gk's visit overnight periodically). My dh and I have been renting a home for 12 years now-before we did, our oldest dd had already moved in with her boyfriend so we only had the two youngest dd's. DD#1 moved back in with dh and baby a year later. DD#2 got mad at world after that and the day she graduated hs she moved in with her bf-at his mom's house (I wouldn't let her until she had graduated). DD#1 was with us 3 years, they got their own house but before 2 years was up moved back in with us now with 2 kids-the newest being our miracle girl-born 3 months early, 12in long and 1.5lbs. They lost their home due to a slightly late payment-less than a month--and they've been here ever since. that baby is 5 and in kindergarten.
DD#3 moved in with her bf two years ago, got married had a baby-they're living with his parents.(his [parents told me that the kids would have their own house before the baby was born-hasn't happened yet...)
I don't mind having my kids move back in as long as they help around the house. My dd living with my dh and I has been able to be a stay at home mom and she takes care of the bulk of the housekeeping and cooking. The kids are getting old enough to help out and I try to help out on my days off. At this point I don't think dd#1 will be moving anytime soon and I don't really think I want them too either.
I always liked the families I saw when I was growing up with all the generations in the same household. I never noticed anyone being shortchanged or neglected. Of course, I saw all that when we visited here in NC as I was growing up-you don't see family dynamics like that anymore-the experts would rather push families apart I think.
Pam
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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
'Herm Albright'
For me i got married when i was 22 years old.I did pay some low rent but i was also busy working 2 jobs to pay for my bills and i traveled alot to go and visit my dh.Oh and i was also a part time student too.That being said for now i would love to have them go away to college.Do i think it will happen??Not sure.Alot of the kids around here end up at Community College so we shall see what the future holds for them.I think we would be ok with them coming back home as long as it was temporary and had a job.
Well Michael made me proud he got his job after leaving school and moved out of home at 19 to live with 2 friends. His lease was up and the friends he was living with, 1 moved out to live with their girlfriend and the other moved state for a job. He couldn't afford the place on his own to renew the lease next time so he came back home, only for 2 months and he's out again on his own with 2 other friends. He's changed jobs to a better paying one and the house he's living in is closish to work for him. He's done it all on his own, no handouts so well done for him he's now 21.
This means I've done my job and he can live his life out of home like we're all supposed to
When I was 18, I went to college and planned never to live at home again. My mother was great, but Dad was a tyrant. I ws tired of being blamed for what my younger sister did. There is a 7 yr gap. I also had 2 brothers younger and 1 older sister. I was told I had middle child envy, but the truth was I was tired of nothing I did was good enough for my dad. We did resolve issues later, but at 18 he still liked you under his heel.
So went to college, and only went home for short visits. I worked, after I married we were surprised to find out the birth control had failed (Ya know they said the pill was foolproof HA!), so I kept children in our home and sewed to help make ends meet.
We've had 3 children and we have never had to move in with our parents. God always provided enough for us to eek by even when dh was out of work for 3 1/2 month. I kept children 24/7 and sewed. (but by the grace of God I still had sainity!)
We've helped our children, and only had one rebound, but he made it out too. I love having my kids close, but we're all so independent an opinionated it wouldn't be a good thing, so glad it hasn't come to that yet.
If it did come to it, I would expect they to help and keep stuff clean WITHOUT being told. I would expect for us all to work together hopefully without too much drama (3 teenagers + 1 7 yr old from dd #1). 2 1/2 blocks away is really close enough for me right now. Love them to come visit, but glad they can go home.
