Tweens - adjuting to a long distance move

[Crafty Amanda]

We recently moved back to our home in the midwest after living out west for a few years. Our older kids are 13 (girl) and 15 (boy) and both were very upset about the move. My son seems able to adjust and move on but my daughter is very emotional about it and is convinced that she won't make any friends and will be miserable here.

I moved at the very same age when I was a girl, and I remember being upset, but I didn't have the ties that the teens today have (internet, IM, cell phones, texting) and so I lost touch with my old friends and made new ones.

I know she will make new friends and move on, but I am eager to hear from other parents who have gone through this in the past few years and how it went. My biggest concern is her holding on to the old friends, not being able to let go because of all the electronic ties we have nowadays.

Please share your thoughts!

[kathymac]

Amanda, I know exactly what you are going through because we relocated from Memphis, TN to Lincoln, NE three years ago. At that time, our girls were 14 and 11 - entering high school and middle school. We were expecting our older daughter to have a lot of problems, but thought the younger one would adjust quickly. She didn't. She was constantly on the phone or computer chatting with her old friends and seemed to be having trouble making new friends. My husband and I took the initiative to meet as many new people as we could. We had several get-togethers with neighborhood families. Even though they didn't have children her age, it helped her to feel more comfortable around new people. We signed her up for a couple of activties that she really enjoyed and tried to keep her busy so that she wouldn't focus so much on missing her old friends. You will have to be patient. It probably took about a year to a year-and-a-half for her to really settle in. That doesn't mean that for the entire year-and-a-half she was miserable and missing her old friends. It gradually improved with setbacks coming fewer and farther between. As she made more friends here, contact with her old friends lessened. She still talks with her Tennessee friends, but she has a best friend here now and several other friends who she "hangs out" with.

My best advise is to just be patient and remember what a traumatic thing this is for your daughter. It will get better with time!

Kathy

[Crafty Amanda]

Originally Posted by kathymac

She still talks with her Tennessee friends, but she has a best friend here now and several other friends who she "hangs out" with.

My best advise is to just be patient and remember what a traumatic thing this is for your daughter. It will get better with time!

Kathy

Thank you Kathy, I appreciate that very much!

I know she will eventually let go, and now I almost wish we would have waited until school started instead of moving now. At least she would have dove right into school and new people instead of all this summer vacation.

The advantage that we have here is that she actually did live in this same town before we moved out west. So she does have a friend here that she stayed in contact with the whole time we were out west. So she sees her and I figured during the summer that friend would introduce her to new friends and that would ease the pain. However, that friend has summer school until next week so that haven't seen much of each other just yet.

Like I said, my biggest worry is her not letting go of the past. I know from experience that when we become adults we usually don't stay in contact with anyone from our childhood, but things are very different now in the digital age and it scares me that it could keep her holding on too long.

Thanks again!

[daisylady]

My parents moved 5 kids from Connecticut to Cincinnati Ohio in the 70's. I was 16. The others were 15,14,13 and 8. It was really hard for all of us. It was hardest for me since I was a junior in high school. I am not sure ever really recovered from it!

My sisters fared the best. They got involved in all kinds of stuff that kept them busy...good things to get into like 4-H, high school drama, swim team, etc.

Good luck! I truly understand.

[Crafty Amanda]

Originally Posted by daisylady

They got involved in all kinds of stuff that kept them busy...good things to get into like 4-H, high school drama, swim team, etc.

Thanks I actually already pulled up the 4H information for this area, the next meeting isn't for a few weeks though so we have to wait on that. I'm hoping to get them all involved as is seems there's something for each of them.

Luckily my oldest is just going in to high school, so he will have all 4 years there. Even though I moved a lot as a kid, I know that once I hit high school my Dad made it a point to keep me in the same town so I could attend the same school. Lived in four different places in that town! LOL