Has anyone else ever experienced a situation in which you felt you had a monkey on your back you could not lose and you wondered if the problems would never end? How did you deal with that and did it end?
Location: Originally from the Home of the only 6 times Super Bowl Champs!
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I've been feeling the same way for a while now. We need to get another car for my dh to drive to work (his finally broke down to where the repairs would cost too much for the value of the car - so we are using only 1 car) and we need to move to a bigger place. The OT money that dh promised would come rolling in, isn't happening and I feel guilty because I don't work outside our home to bring in extra $$. (even though that's not really feasible now). I feel like I have an ape on my back, not a monkey. I wouldn't say it to him (my dh) but I feel like he isn't really as concerned as I am about any of this. I'm the one who worries endlessly.
Not sure what you're dealing with DeBora, but I hope that it gets better for you soon. If you want to vent, I'll listen!
I feel exactly the same way. Late in 2008 we were informed that DH would be transferring to OK and CPS started investigating my DD for child neglect. I knew it was a matter of time and I would be raising the GKs but I hoped it would be after I graduated with my MA. It did not, so I ended up with the task of raising 2 GKs with special needs in a special situation. I ended up having to borrow $10,000 for an attorney for fight for the children as the parents wanted them back (they had no jobs and no place to live and no beds or anything for the kids) because I did not want the state having custody and having the kids live in foster care. That meant that I had to live in a different state than my DH and be a single parent, work full time, finish my research, and gather evidence and go to trial in 8 months. During the custody battle with the parents and while we had supervised visitation, I had to get a full time job and a decent place to live. Not one but 2 electric companies claimed we did not pay our deposit. At least the second gave us notice before turning off our electricity. I had to fax proof we did pay it and they didn't find their error for 2 months. The Internet guy screwed up our Internet, not once but twice! The second time, he ripped out our Direct TV lines to install the Internet and the company refused to fix it. I had to contact the CEO of the company to get them to pay for the repair fees of their employee's error. The US Post Office, not once but twice, lost our mail!! The first time was my literature review from my professor. He sent it back to me with changes I needed to make. After 2 months, it went back to him as address unknown. I had to drive to get it and then on a weekday, I showed it to the postmaster general to show that it had the correct address on it. His EXCUSE was that there was a new postman. The same freaking postman lost the mail we had forwarded to our new address in OK lost!!! After getting several excuses, I had to fax the congressman to get him to act on our behalf to get our mail. By the time we were getting our mail after over 2 months, our creditors and other people were given the WRONG address by the US Post Office. We are still having problems with people finding out our correct address. We moved to OK and since January, our heater/furnace went out, hot water heater went out, and our a/c went out yesterday. I was declined from getting my license because i did not have enough graduate credits. It took me a couple of months before I discovered that MY university only credited me 48 credits of the 63 that I earned!!! States require at least 60 credits. After a battle with my advisor and the president of the university, I got my earned credits. I have been trying to get a job with NO luck. I have terrific work ethics and my previous employer has told me that he would be happy to take me back if I cannot find work in OK. I know I am good. I finally went to a therapist to find out that in OK I can start working as a therapist and that is why nobody will hire me in a BA level job! I have had 1 interview for 1 position and had problems applying for prison work. The system keeps screwing me up. I have been denied several positions for not having the necessary education. They keep telling me that I'll figure it out next time. Argh!!! THEIR system doesn't upload correctly and so on. They said they never got my transcripts that I uploaded. I did not fax them because I did not want to take the chance of separate items not being connected. There is SO much more that I am leaving out. This is just the highlights.
If anyone else has been in this type of situation and it ever ended and things got better, please tell me.
DeBora, sweetie, no, I have never been through anything like what you are going through. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for the problems you are dealing with in every direction. You know I love you and care about you but I know that isn't what you need to hear right now. I don't have any magic words. I do know that when you hit the bottom though, you can only go up. And thats what my prayers are going to be every day for you, that you look up and God will look down and make everything better.
Donna, yes it means a lot. Please do pray. Prayers are always welcome.
I had a job interview 2 weeks ago and have heard nothing. I sent an email this morning and still haven't heard anything. It is a therapist position working mostly with people who have schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or some other mental illness that prevents them from living productive lives. I pray that I get the job. I also applied for a prison therapist job. They will complete taking applications on August 22nd and then call people in for interviews.
my whole life is one big slugfest through the bottom of the pond mud, then the heavens opened up and I have a great job and life, sorry it's taking so long for you, the light is at the end of the tunnel, it is, just around the next bend, and meanwhile, well, you've got all the persistence in the world to carry you through, DeBora
gotta say, you have taken on a good bit of responsibility with the children and believe me, your reward is going to be a great one!
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Ellen in PA
"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
If anyone has pointers on how you got through your slugfests and good news stories on how things changed for the better, it would sure help. I am just so tired and frustrated that I worked so hard and the end result is nothing but problems and being tired all the time from raising children. They are worth it though. I think it is also irritating that I am praying for a job so we can fix the furnace before winter and my DD is happily being a parent, spoiling her children, with little responsibilities.
I had an interview for a job 2 weeks ago, Wednesday. They said it would be about 2 weeks when they'd make a decision. When I hadn't heard from them by Wednesday, I decided to email the head lady. I inquired as to whether or not they had made a decision yet. She hasn't answered my email yet. I don't know if no news is a good sign or a bad sign.
DeBora, I hope this is encouraging. How I get through things is that I keep my mind moving along with an assortment of thoughts.
1. Keep reminding myself that time will pass whether I am happy or not so I try to keep looking at the silver linings. This follows in the vein of not looking at the water under my feet but rather the face of God in front of me.
2. Allow myself time to feel badly and not try to make excuses or make the situation better. Comparing to others only helps to a limited degree. Fact is, sometimes life just sucks and it is best to address that openly and get on with it than try to find a better place in the lineup.
3. Ask for prayer, everywhere, everyone, it really does make enduring things a whole lot easier. Lifts my spirit so I don't feel like that dark cloud is pressing on me. In fact, it actually takes the dark cloud away. Not the situation just how the situation feels to me.
4. Not beat myself up if I need idle time, take idle time, even if it means plopping the kids in front of the television.
5. The kids will be in school soon and you'll get a few hours a day off to yourself.
6. The daughter and prayer support for her is best left to others. Put her on the prayer list here and at the local churches' lists. Don't try to both raise the grandkids and pray for her needs at the same time. You are saving two innocent lives who are under the age of eighteen and she is not innocent and she is over eighteen. Of course it is frustrating but there it is.
7. Cultivate laughter. Read the Sunday funnies. Watch Letterman or the comedy channel. Find a fun sitcom, not a drama. Mindless jelly like stupid slapstick humor helps.
8. Get a massage.
To answer your question about the job, keep looking and then if they call it'll be a surprise. Why don't you offer to be an online professor or telephone counselor for the local crisis center?
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Ellen in PA
"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
Ellen, I have done just about all on your list. It is just getting harder and harder to be positive. Things were so bad for awhile that my DS even said he could not believe it. I want to see my luck turn around soon. We've have literally had bad on top of bad on top of bad. I've got to get a job asap. Winter is coming and we have no furnace.
I finally heard back from the job that I interviewed for almost 3 weeks ago. They had initially told me that they'd be making a decision within 2 weeks. After 2 emails, the supervisor stated she didn't realize so much time had passed. She stated that she hopes to make a decision within the next week or so. I hate all the waiting. I was offered a job on Friday working in a crisis center for children (aka mental hospital) and if working with abused children wouldn't be bad enough (which I'd do for my grandchildren) but the hours would be Monday through Friday, 3pm to 11am. I would NEVER see the GKs. I just could not do that to my grandchildren. They need stability. If I had taken the job 4 hour round trip away, at least the grandchildren would see me at bedtime. The prison job position for applications expires today. I wouldn't mind getting that job either. Actually, I would prefer that job. I am hoping and praying that I get one of them. I've been turned down for the rest because most places do not want to take risks on baby therapists.
I have never liked trite sayings but maybe in this case it applies:
Is it time to tie a knot at the end of the rope and just hang on tight? Like that cat poster we saw in the 70s.
My sympathy because yes you really have had it bad on top of bad on top of bad...Bill Cosby used to say, we can console ourselves thinking about the guy who has it worse, but what about the last guy in that line, the guy who doesn't have it better than anyone else, what about the last guy?
I don't think you are the Last Guy, but surely it feels like it right now.
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Ellen in PA
"God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of love, power, and a sound mind."
Ellen in PA 
