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Both my DH's (then 12 y/o) nephew and I have something in common with your son - we are all forgetful (or blind - you know item in front of your face, but you don't see it).
The trick with my nephew though, is that his mom used sewn in name tags and markers (where clothes didn't touch his skin) as to whose clothes were his. She also made a list of the items he took to school, AND asked his school teacher's to assist her with making sure his HW arrived home every night or to check off a box on pre-printed assignment sheets. As for his "special" items (baseball collector items, etc), his parents showed him a general price tag for what each of his items cost, and had him write up a list (also in plain view) of who, where, and when the itam was loaned out to or placed where (friend, closet, box, etc), then explained that any time he misplaced the item(s) he was out what ever the price of the item is - no refunds.
Like you, they also made him wear an older warm jacket until he either found his newer one or weather permitted. They also asked that the family support them in this decission.
As for myself, as a child I was perpetually losing things. It wasn't that they didn't have a worth to me, it was more that I was a slob and knew where everything was - unless I had to clean it up (with the threat of having items thrown/given away), then I would manage to lose things. Now as an adult, I try to leave daily notes as to where I need to be, what time, and what I am taking with me. But on rare occassions things I put in a special place does have a tendency to get moved without my knowledge. Case in point, I put a small thin camera chip on a counter in our house after spending the day w/Family, but when I went back to get it it was not where I had placed. Months later I am moving furniture (complete vs general house cleaning) around and under one of our couches is the camera chip. Now I am not one to normally blame animals (our only cat) for my mistakes - but how on earth can anyone else explain why I would have placed the camera chip there?
As for the lunch items (newer items) missing, there could be more to that then meets the eye. Granted it could be general forgetfulness, or it could be that he is being bullied at school or on the bus. A lot of kids do get bullied and do not say anything, thinking their parents punishment is better then what the bully is doing. I agree with Barb though, too. If it is a bully that is causing your sone tolose those smaller items and not the whole lunch box - let him brown bag it and drink water instead.
Most importantly, try to put yourself in his shoes, and ask him to help you figure out some solutions to help him remember his "stuff." This way you aren't stressing out as much, and he is forced to take responsibility for his actions.
If he gets an allowance, deduct the (blue book) price from his allowance. If he complains, just say sorry, but that is what you are using to replace the item(s) that are gone. And if isn't getting an allowance start him on what so you can deduct the money. A kid is age should be able to help with some of the chores around the house for a couple of bucks around (no more then five dollars).
I grew up with chores and got $.25 a week at age seven(7), and my chores consisted of making my bed; cleaning my room; setting/clearing the table and/or putting away/washing the dishes, and helping with yard work on weekends. Some days my parents would throw in emptying the waste bins/cans - depending if I wanted something extra in my allowance (for out door camp, friends gifts, etc). As I got older, there were more chores and less pay. LOL
Children though need to learn responsibility from their own families, and unfortunately a lot of families are relying on the schools to do it.
As I mentioned above, talk with your son, and get him to help you with this situation. Not only does it show him that you know he's growing up, and are trying to trust him, but that it is also the first step in "letting" him grow up.
Sorry this is so long, and I hope it helps you both. ;-)
Good Luck & HUGs~
JEn
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