Well less than a week since my original post and I guess I didn't subscribe because I just checked back and noticed there were responses. Too late though. It was out of my hands. That was Sunday when he left. Things were never the same. I called my Dad and asked if DD and I could come stay a while and let him think. That was Tuesday. Then Thursday I told him we needed to sit and talk about what our plans were for the new year as I thought some things needed to change since neither of us were happy. He said we were too different and neither of us was going to change or compromise. I said what about counseling and he said we were too far gone for that. Needless to say that night we agreed to split. Since then he has been talking divorce and even told his DS we were getting divorced. The conversation was so quick, smooth and easy I am thinking there is more to the story. He gave up everything. Daughter, all the stuff we own and agreed she he wouldn't have her overnight until she was at least 2. He said that is what the courts would say.
It makes me sad that 5 years of marriage and can over and assets split in 5 minutes. I honestly think he has to be seeing someone. Friday his sister watched his son and he came home, packed a bag really quick and left so he must have had a ball and chain cutting party to attend.
Meanwhile I was home trying to pack as much of my stuff and DS as possible all while keeping up with her and my emotions.
I keep thinking where did we go wrong. I looked at wedding pictures as I took them off walls and packed them and though wow where did those people go. They were so happy.
Most everyone I have talked to (friends and family) have said I need to just file and get it over with that he will never grow up and be the man or dad I want. My SIL thinks I should just move and wait to file to see what happends. She really doesn't want me to leave the family. In fact she said if I leave she wants to join my family and she gets no support from her either. (We normally hang out together at family events)
I would hate for me to file for divorce and then his world come crashing down where he has not other choice but to grow up and then him realize he had a good thing in his family. YET I don't want to stall either because I don't see him sticking to anything that is not enforced by court.
I did tell him last night though that I thought what was the saddest was that he would give up his family, 5 yrs marriage, 6 yrs together without even attempting counseling. He said right now his world was crashing around him and he couldn't think about it. He said besides it is not over until it is over and papers are filed. He said neither of us have money to file so it would be awhile anyway. HOWEVER what he doesn't know is that my Dad already offered to pay for me to file to get it done.
When he left I asked if he was coming home so if he wasn't I could double bolt door. He said this isn't home anymore, remember. I thought how rude THEN YOU CAN KNOCK!
Christmas time will always be sad now as that was when we split.
Should I wait, will he change, will he continue to make promises, who knows. I guess 2006 will be a hard year regardless.