[kadee_diid]

Fran, I agree with Roberta. I'm not a counselor, dr, psyciatrist, police, etc...but I HAVE had personal experience. My husband and I had a really hard time for our first year and a half of marriage. During which time I strongly considered divorce, even though I don't believe in it. I think the biggest reason I didn't do it immediately was because of our daughter. I'd seen how other divorced families were and I didn't want that for my daughter.
But he didn't go out at all hours of the night and day, spend all our money, and he was a fairly good dad, although, he did bad mouth me - to me AND his family (he couldn't understand why his family didn't like me for the longest time!). We just fought so much. Money was usually the topic of choice since we usually didn't have any, bills were late, there wasn't any food in the fridge, etc....
I'm just thinking that it sounds like your husband might resist counseling (my dad was like your husband in many ways, and he resisted when my mom tried to go. Oh, he'd go, but he wouldn't talk...it was a total waste of time). We didn't have the money to go to counseling ourselves, but if what I tried hadn't worked, we'd either have had to come up with the $ for counseling or a divorce! I found a book by Stormie Omartin called "The power of a praying wife."
I began reading that book and praying as I read it, and as I prayed, I slowly began seeing changes, for the good, in my husband. I believe with all of my heart, that God answered my prayers and that is why I have a happy marriage now. Yes, we still have arguments, but they are not anything like they were before...you know, now it's about "stuff" not who's wrong or right, and no name calling.
You didn't mention if your husband ever gets physical with you or not, so I'll assume he doesn't...but if he does, get out of that relationship NOW!
On the other hand, what you husband IS doing is called MENTAL ABUSE, based on what you've said. Don't try to defend him. If he says things that make you feel bad about YOU, then it's mental abuse. If you decide to try and stick things out with him in the hopes of his changing, then always remember to treat his rude comments about you like water on a ducks back, just let roll right off!
And remember, you ARE a valuable human being. The proof, if you need it, is in the fact that you have a little girl who is ALIVE because you have taken up the responsibility to be her mother and give her everything she needs to live! Sounds like more than you husband has been willing to do, thus far.

You have a hard decision ahead of you. I'd begin with prayer. Give your husband a little bit of time. Ask him about counseling. DO NOT make a rash decision! It could easily be one that you'd soon regret. and either decision is going to lead to a bumpy road. On the one hand, divorce, he may begin begging and pleading and promising promises he can't/won't keep OR he could be a real jerk and make life miserable. Maybe he doesn't want the responsibility of a child, but probably he would do anything if he thought it would hurt you. Then, there is prayer, and the hope that he will change. It probably won't happen overnight, it didn't for me or my mom (who waited well over 16 years and is still waiting on some accounts). and he doesn't have to know that you are praying for him but, nonetheless, he may resist that too. Eitherway, it's going to be uphill work.

I will pray for you and I hope that this helps you. If you want to see about getting that book, look at a Christian bookstore, it was only about $5 when I got it. Or, if you go to church and they have a library, they may have that book.