aspergers is a very high functioning autisim. They usually have trouble with interpersonal relationships while they are super smart. They can make good grade most of the time but they can't get along with the other kids. They don't "fit in" with the other children and even thought they desperatly want to have friends they seldom are able to develope friendships. There is much more to this syndrome (syndrome means many differing symptoms- no 2 childran have the exact same symptomes)
It sounds like you also have wuite a mixed bag of problems with your boys. How old are they? To me it sounds like they are now realizing that they are different than the other kids their age and are responding to the frustration they feel. If they see the things they don't like in themselves in the brother that might be the cause of the great dislike they have for each other. I am no doctor but I have sure read a lot in the last 8 years.
for me it has been very hard to watch my granddaughter change from a dear sweet little girl into this child with a monster living inside her. I can see why years ago they felt that people with mental illness were possessed. Sometimes it feels like grd has been taken over by some alien creature. I am sure that you feel frustration at not being able to get answers from doctors, case workers, social workers amd other therapists. It is hard to keep fighting to find the true answers to your children's problems. As Chris said above remember you are the expert about your children not the doctors - don't let them talk down to you or make you feel like you should be quiet. Ask Questions!!!!! Seek to know everythimg about everything that any medical person wants to do for or on your boys. They need you to be their advicates - stand up forwhat you feel is right - you will usually be right because you have more experience with your own children that any staff that works with them.
You have every right to get tired of taking care of your boys. It is a hard thing to care for them 24/7. Do you have the availability of respite care for them. You might check with your councelors and other medical staff for directions to where you might find this help. I don't know what we would do if we didn't have that opportunity for our grd. Sometimes it is just too much for all of us to have her to care for one more minute. The respite time is good for her and for us. If you have a Luthern social Service close to you that is the first place I would check into. nO matter what you have to get yourself some help so that you can have some time off from being their parent. How is your son's father handling all this?
If you need someone to talk to or if you have questions fel free to write me at (please don't post personal information in posts. Use the pm function to exchange personal informationdebknechtel)I may not have any answers but I'll at least be there to listen.
Come back here too we can support each other and maybe others that show up after us.
Whatever happens remember you are not in this alone.