What Shall We Boo About Halloween?
A Closer Look at What the Fuss is All About
Unlike most holidays, Halloween has a sneaky way of dividing parents into splintered camps: those who love it, those who hate it, and those who wonder what all the Boo-Hooing is about. Here's a look at some of the different ways parents approach the mystical All Hallows Eve.
Why Do Some Parents Freak Out Over Halloween? Most, but not all, of the families that choose to abstain from trick-or-treating and carving jack-o-lanterns do so for religious reasons. Does that mean they are stern-faced Puritans who don't appreciate a little whimsy in their lives? Not at all. They're the same kids who loved playing dress-up and hide-and-seek at your house yesterday. However, the underlying history of this particular holiday makes them kind of uneasy.
Halloween can be traced back to 500 B.C., when Celtics in Ireland celebrated October 31 with a festival honoring Samhain, the god of the Dead. (That's the first problem. Halloween's linked to a pagan rite.) The Celtics believed the spirits of people who had died the previous year were set free to roam the earth and could not go to their final resting place until they were given "treats" (for their own enjoyment or to bribe the god who ruled the next world).
The Celtic response to these roaming spirits was rather schizophrenic. For instance, if they had not been especially friendly to those who had died, some Celtics would extinguish fires in their homes so as not to attract vengeful spirits bent on "tricking" or punishing them. More stubborn Celtics built huge bonfires to run the same spirits off. They would dress up in ghoulish costumes either to blend in with the spirits ("Hey, I'm one of you, so don't hurt me!"), or to appear so ghastly that even the spirits would be scared away ("Boo!"). Depending upon whether you were a macho or a wimpy Celtic, you had a couple of different responses you could take with these undesirables in your neighborhood.
When that cute little ghost trips up your front steps on October 31, in the minds of some parents, she's actually imitating one of those gruesome spirits demanding a tribute to take to the Netherworld. That goes for all the weenie witches, mumbling mummies, and bloody bodies, whether it's just food coloring or not.
Black cats? They represent transformed witches and dead spirits.
Bobbing for apples? Pagans used that to divine the spiritual world's blessings on a couple's future happiness.
Jack-o-lanterns? Those also come from Irish folklore, which tells of an evil man named Jack who managed to trick the devil. When Jack died, heaven wouldn't take him and the devil couldn't. So the devil threw a hot coal at him, Jack captured it and stuck it in a pumpkin, and now he uses it to light his way as he canvases the earth. The Celtics also used grossly carved turnips with candles in them to scare away the aforementioned pesky dead relatives.
Magicians, sorcerors, and elves? Goblins, gargoyles and gypsies? All use dark powers to work their will on others.
How about if I just dress up like a "white" witch? Sorry. A witch is a witch is a witch.
Bummer! This casts a shadow on everything! What do we do now?
Some parents say not to worry about it. "At this age, I don't think they have any understanding of all that," says Lisa Carter, a Lee's Summit, Missouri mom who loves trick-or-treating with her children, Rachel (6-1/2), Sheri (4), and Nick (7 mos.) "Now, if I had a 13-year-old who wanted to wear black lipstick and a Marilyn Manson t-shirt, I'd be worried. That would really bother me. But when you see a little girl in a lacy orange dress, that's so far from satanism, it has nothing to do with it, as far as I'm concerned."
Other parents are a little more hesitant. Some even say, forget it -- we're not participating at all. "Parents who choose this course need to explain to their children why they have taken this stand and give them strong encouragement," advises Bob Passantino in his essay, What About Halloween? (1990). "Their children will undoubtedly experience some teasing or ridicule from their friends and schoolmates."
"Yes, there is a definite need to provide our youth with alternatives to dark forms of entertainment," says Mat Casner, a former Kansas City youth pastor. "Pop culture's fascination with the occult (witches, Goth, etc.) is turning into an obsession. We need to educate our kids, and even our adults, that things we used to consider as harmless fun have the potential to be very dangerous today."
Even with the religious aspect aside, the overall scariness of Halloween and safety issues still give many moms and dads the willies.
"Adults are charged with the responsibility of keeping kids safe," says Dr. John Helgeson of Ozanam Home for Boys. "Keep in mind where the children are developmentally. It is normal and worthwhile for kids to be involved with activities involving delight, anticipation and surprise, such as are common in childhood stories. But parents need to discern when an activity – whether it's a movie, game or Halloween – is no longer safe and healthy, and crosses the line into dangerous and traumatizing."
Rhonda Stock, a Lenexa, Kansas mom, remembers feeling uneasy about her kindergartner son, Jason, passing through the gruesomely-decorated sixth grade hallway as part of the school Halloween Parade. "Emphasis was on violence, cemetaries and ghoulishness, which is very appealing to sixth graders, but totally inappropriate for kindergartners and the other younger grades." Jason is now twelve, and, to his mother's relief, the school district has softened its approach to Halloween. "Now, they de-emphasize violence, gore and mayhem, and instead concentrate on silly, fun and gross stuff."
But Kids Still Wanna Have Fun: So what can we do to lighten this holiday up a bit? Let's take a look at some alternatives to the traditional blood and gore.
If you're uneasy about the way your particular school is approaching celebrating Halloween, consider how you can implement change. You can always keep your child home the day of the party and enjoy a special memory-making family activity that doesn't relate to Halloween. Or you can take a proactive stance at school and voice your opinion – respectfully.
Volunteer to be on the party planning committee so you have input on the choice of activities. Talk with the school administrator and suggest some alternative themes. For instance, you might promote a fall festival or harvest party that skirts around spooky motifs. Or a costume party that features famous people from history or literature. "I think the reason kids love Halloween so much is that it's glorified dress-up with the added benefit of candy – two of kids' favorite things," says Lisa Carter. Once we remove the scary overtones, the holiday becomes more acceptable to edgy parents.
Ken Rimmer, National Distinguished Principal of the Year for the State of Missouri (1998), encourages parents to voice their concerns or suggestions for change in a face-to-face meeting, rather than in a letter, which may be misinterpreted. "Together, let's talk about how we can come up with a compromise or some kind of solution. We both want to have a safe learning environment, so let's find some areas we can agree on, whether we're talking about the Halloween party or some other issue."
Few parochial schools celebrate Halloween, but many churches sponsor alternative parties on Halloween night. At Olathe Bible Church in Olathe, Kansas, "Neewollah" rules. (That's Halloween spelled backwards.) The idea is to turn scariness upside-down. In the past, this gruesome-less gathering has featured hayrides and bonfires, and carnivals with kids in Bible character costumes. OBC encourages its members to participate in the "Every Home a Lighthouse" program, in which families flood their houses with light, burning candles and turning on every bulb. (The idea is to counteract the dark and dinginess of "haunted houses".) They cut crosses into pumpkins instead of freaky faces, and pass out candy with tracts that talk about God's love for children.
Jody Jarrett, an independent contemporary Christian recording artist based in Kansas City, takes her daughters, Jessica (11) and Joy (8), to Evangel Temple's Family Fun Fest in South Kansas City. "It's an alternative to the heinous things that can happen. There are people out there that prey on Halloween, who are waiting for guards to be dropped. But this is well-lit and highly supervised. A lot of people are turning toward churches because they are a safe haven. The kids' welfare is the first and foremost concern.
"Children can dress up if they want, but nothing demonic or scary. If some kids do show up dressed that way, we just ask that they take their mask off, turn their costume inside out, and come on in. They can still participate. It's no different than going into a restaurant where they don't allow smoking. You abide by the rules."
All right, so give me some examples of costumes that would be acceptable AND fun.
angel
animals
ballerina
bellhop
bride and groom
bug
clown
cowboy
detective
dinosaur
famous (good-natured!) people from history
hippie
hobo
hunter
Indian
karate expert
Mr. Potato Head
Elvis ("Thank you. Thank you very much.")
nerd
parent imitator (policeman, nurse, soldier, etc.)
pirate
princess
robot
rock star
scarecrow
sports figure
storybook characters
tourist
Zorro
Here are some ways to promote fun without the fright in your own local school or church:
- Sponsor a box car race.
- Supply popcorn and cotton candy machines.
- Have jugglers and clowns do face-painting, washable tattoos and balloon games.
- Feature puppet shows and a sing-a-long night
- Jump on huge inflatable air mattresses and in ball pits.
- Judge non-scary costume contests.
- Run carnival booths with bean bag toss, balloon darts and bottle/ring toss, etc.
- Raffle off teachers as "slaves" who have to do your bidding for an hour.
- Challenge kids and parents to mini-decathalons with humorous feats like crab crawls with a water balloon balanced on your belly.
- Have pet parades with costumed animals.
- Sponsor game show night, featuring favorite party games like Pictionary, Password and Trivial Pursuit.
- For older children, have a Rotating Board Game Party, where kids play Chutes and Ladders, Sorry, Monopoly, and Candyland for 15 minutes, then move to the next game and pick up mid-play.
- Pig out at a fall harvest-themed progressive dinner: apple cobbler, pumpkin pie, corn on the cob, popcorn, smoked turkey sandwiches, etc.
- Decorate different classrooms with animal themes, and have a costumed teacher host each room (i.e. monkey room, lion room, zebra room).
- Silly Movie Night: come dressed as if you're an extra in a movie, then show the movie. (South Pacific: dress as sailors or island girls; Veggie Tales: come costumed as a tomato, cucumber, beet, etc.)
Community service organizations like Big Brothers and YMCA often sponsor their own celebrations, while malls invite costumed children to roam their aisles, gathering candy from store employees. If you decide to go the traditional route and trick-or-treat at private homes, be sure to keep safety at the forefront. Many hospitals and police stations will screen treats free of charge, but to minimize concerns, visit only the homes of people you know. NEVER go into a stranger's house.
To Keep Halloween From Turning Into a Fright Night:
- Kids, carry a flashlight and wear reflective, flame-retardant costuming. Watch out for those candles burning on porches.
- Wear facepaint instead of a mask. You'll be able to see better, and besides, those rubber and plastic masks get all sweaty inside!
- Keep in contact with your mom and dad. Some parents follow their kids by driving slowly along beside them, but this can cause a traffic jam when 14 cars are moving down one street. It's better to walk with your parents, or have them watch you from a discreet distance.
- For older kids, have a set time when you'll be home. "I have Jenna take a cell phone with her," says Lynette Holt, who has her preteen check in when she trick-or-treats in the neighborhood, even though she's with a group of friends. "If Jenna feels nervous, she can call."
- Don't take chances by crossing in the middle of the street or dodging between cars. Go all the way up one side of the street, then cross over and hit the houses on the other side.
- Honor the homes of families who don't celebrate Halloween. If all the lights are off and they don't answer the door on the first ring, move on. Leaning on the doorbell won't get you anything.
- Avoid animals, even ones you know. With all the activity in the neighborhood, dogs will probably be edgy, and this is not the time to try to pet them.
- Once you hit your own living room and pour out your loot, be sure to let your parents check everything to make sure it's safe. Dad, it's not fair to bite into a piece of the best stuff and mumble, "Ummm, yep, it's good."
- Now that the candy coast is clear, let the trading begin!
Whether parents find themselves leaning toward the "Oh, it's just make-believe" or toward the "I'm feeling very uncomfortable with this" camp, they need to be true to their convictions. Set the tone for your family, explain your stance openly with your kids, and then hug them tight. After all, love is one spirit that's always welcome.
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