Playpen Politics- Since joining the ranks of the ?bathrobe executives?, as my husband affectionately refers, I?ve noticed how seldom I socialize. ?So, when I received an invitation to host this week?s Mommy and Me playgroup meeting, I jumped at the chance.
Real Life 101- While agonizing with my son over his junior year elective choices, I found myself reminiscing about the high school lessons I had learned, and which of them actually transferred into ?real? life.
Revenge of the Rock-Hating Teen- What's one of the worst disasters to befall a teen? A mother
who likes loud rock music. How can the situation be worse?
When the teen hates rock music himself. There. Our role-reversal
secret is out.
Scapegoat Santa- Move over Lee Majors, there?s a new Fall Guy in town and he answers to the name of Claus, Santa Claus. He won?t be taking the plunge from a 40-story skyscraper on a Hollywood stunt set. Instead, he?ll be taking the rap for all the high-tech, high-priced, high-anxiety ?gotta-haves? on my kids? Christmas list--the things I didn?t, wouldn?t, couldn?t get for them.
Sign on the Door- From a sign I recently posted to my teenage daughter's bedroom door:
Welcome to your room! Please take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with these instructions, which, like all of your father's rules, are designed to make your stay in his house comfortable and less inconvenient to his life.
Skiing- The beginner skier is taught the "snowplow." It's an
absurdly un-athletic position: your toes pointed in,
knees splayed, arms waving madly in circles (I added
this last bit on my own). As you creep forward in your
snowplow, your children dart around you at insane
speeds, singing out "Hi, Dad!" while you try to stab
them with your ski poles.
Snowed In- My children may have given up believing in the Easter Bunny, and they probably have their doubts about Santa Claus, but they still go to bed every night hoping that when they wake up the next morning, they'll find so much snow has fallen from the sky that school has been canceled. Often I'm called in to offer my opinion on this prospect, the only subject about which my teenagers believe I may still offer valid counsel.
Spring Cleaning a la Testosterone- Do men just play dumb
when it comes to cleaning?
Is this an obvious attempt to
avoid any sort of
housework? I used to think
so, but now I think it may
have something to do with a
testosterone brain block or
something.
Stupid Pets For Sale (humor)- For Sale: All Cameron pets, including two rabbits - - oops, make that six rabbits. These rabbits consume several pounds of pellets a week in order to produce several pounds of different pellets a week.
Summertime: The Mosquitoes are the Least of it- Summer is here, school is out and chaos reigns. It's the same thing
every year. The kids are bored two minutes after the final school bell
rings. It's as though they contend with each other to see who can be the
MOST bored.
Thanksgiving, No Holds Barred- Every Thanksgiving, my husband and I beam across the table at
each other, thankful for our lovely family, our health and our good
fortune, completely unaware of the ?What I am thankful for? comments
soon to emerge out of our children?s mouths. After six kids and almost
17 years of parenting, you?d think we would see it coming.
The Adventures of Montgomery Moose- Though I am positive the wealth and fame promised me by a recent fortune cookie is no farther away than the next letter from Ed McMahon, I sometimes take on odd jobs to help keep my family income from sliding into a recession. So when a neighbor called to tell me she would pay me to attend her daughter's birthday party, I was enthusiastic: This sounded like my kind of work! Then I grew suspicious.
The Proverbial Daughter- My teenage daughter often asks for me to help her with her homework. In this case, "to help" means "to do," as in, "Could you help me finish this report on the causes of the Great Depression?" (All she has written, at this point, are the words "Causes of the Great Depression" across the top of her paper, so it needs a lot of "finishing.")
The Survival of the Field Trip Fittest- Summer isn't quite the same anymore. What with the invention of
year-round schools (an evil plot devised by slave-driving bosses to
keep children out of working parents' hair as much as possible) and
day camps on every street corner in those districts without year-round
schools, parents have more opportunities than ever to volunteer their
services to their child's class.
Twas the Night for Assembling- 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except me and my spouse
What's In A Name- "What?s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name
would smell as sweet..." This may be true in the botany kingdom, but
when it comes to our children, there are a lot of stinky names to be had.
Kellie Head gives us yet another hilarious twist on that job we call parenting.?
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Secrets of Happily Married Women Do you feel like you are constantly on overdrive? Juggling career and family, attending to everyone's needs but your own, and all the while struggling to maintain a sense of balance and harmony in your marriage? You can actually start getting more out of your relationship by doing less and we'll tell you how with Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of Secrets of Happily Married Women. Hear part 2
When Mars and Venus Collide It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch TV. A wife returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in. We're going to find out how stress is impacting marriages today and what you can do about it when we talk with bestselling author John Gray Hear part 2
From a sign I recently posted to my teenage daughter's bedroom door:
Welcome to your room! Please take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with these instructions, which, like all of your father's rules, are designed to make your stay in his house comfortable and less inconvenient to his life.
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