I live with a Scotch-Irishman and he
is a trip! I have often thought to myself "Why is it that our children
are so well-behaved?" (or so I am told). My husband is emotional, as I imply
with the first sentence, but he exudes love and sacrifice to our children
to the nth degree. They know they are loved, but they also know that Daddy
means business.
It is important for us to set standards,
set goals and expectations for our teens or adolescents and then when they
fall short we must hold them accountable. If we don't, guess what? They sure
won't.
Love is in the air in February, but
what is love when it comes to children and young adults? Is it letting them
do whatever they want whenever they want? Of course not. Love means that
we are involved enough with our children that we will take time to train
& to show how it's done. To check out their friends and make sure they
are good influences. To check out their music, T.V., Internet
surfing, books they read and make sure they are being influenced for good,
and not otherwise.
Parenting is involvement. It is not
a part time job. Yes, it can be work. It can be grueling. The rewards, though,
are well worth the effort! Set the stage now, take time with your baby, your
toddler, your adolescent, your teen.
Let's begin with books. Books shape
our minds. Even if you do not read now, you can surely remember when your
mama or daddy read to you. The books you read to your little ones can help
shape the mind of your teen. Be careful what you choose. Of course, we ought
not to get paranoid here, but a little discretion goes a long way into setting
the stage for the future.
I was always careful about the books
I chose to read to my children. Do they contain violence? Are they too scary
for little ones? (I was a stickler on this one, I did not like those sleepless
nightmare nights, so I nipped 'em in the bud!) Are the values I want my children
to support underlined or undermined? Take a look at what your adolescent
is reading. A little trickier with teens, but you can tactfully make
suggestions.
Movies: what do you allow at those
birthday sleepovers? Make sure that again the choice is according to the
standards you wish your teen or adolescent to follow.
Are those T.V. shows age appropriate?
My teenager is careful about what she watches around her younger siblings.
It doesn't take an adult to realize some programs are just not appropriate
for certain age groups.
Music: Listen to the lyrics. Make sure
they are not undermining your ethics. Let your children know you do not approve
of certain inclusions in their literary, cinematic and musical choices. Don't
be silent on this issue. It's best to let them know where you stand.
Consistency is important when we display
love to our children. We love enough to care what goes into their bellies.
Let's make sure we are just as careful about their minds!
The Internet: I am so ready to enlist
with a family ISP. I was trying to find something for my teen for a school
project and stumbled onto a bad site. I typed in a movie script she was looking
for and Viola', the objectionable site appeared. Please be careful where
they go on the net. You can check in your history file. Let them know you
will be checking.
Love takes time. It takes commitment
and dedication. It takes follow-up and a "full-time" attitude. This is not
a part-time job!
About the Author:
Caroline
Shaw holds a B.S. degree from Duquesne University, Pittsburgh, PA in
Secondary Education, English.
She is a mom to six children and
was caregiver for her mother with Alzheimers, and is the owner of
A Mom's Love website.
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