Question:
I know my kid's going
to grow up to be a lawyer! He argues whenever he's asked to do something.
He debates his rights when he's asked to stop doing something. He pleads
his case when I tell him he can't do something. He disputes every rule I
create. How can I put an end to this?
Think about it: It takes two to argue.
Your child cannot "argue" by himself. That's called "mumbling."
Say it once: Practice stating your case,
then being quiet. Ignore your child's argumentative comments, and walk away
if you must. Let your child get used to your word being "final."
Let 'em complain a bit: As long as it's
respectful, sometimes let your child have the last word. Often a statement,
such as, "Why do I have to do it?" doesn't require an answer, nor deserve
one. Often, a child's mutterings really mean, "I'll do it 'cus I have to,
but I don't like it."
Set rules for debating: Some children
really do enjoy debating an issue. If your child is like this, set ground
rules for when and how issues can be debated. For instance: no raising of
voices, no name calling, quiet listening to the other person's point of view.
This behavior provides excellent practice for learning how to negotiate in
life. In addition, your child must understand that some things cannot be
argued, that there are some things the parents must decide. Have a standard
reply for when an issue cannot be debated, such as, "This is not open for
discussion."
Offer choices: Get in the habit of offering
your child choices, instead of issuing commands. Children who are argumentative
will have less opportunity to practice the skill if you offer a choice. For
example, instead of saying, "Do your homework, right now," offer a choice,
such as, "What would you like to do first, your homework or the dishes?"
(If the response is, "neither," you can smile sweetly and say, "That wasn't
one of the choices. Homework or dishes?")
Question: My child talks back to me in such a disrespectful way it
leaves me speechless. How do I put a stop to this?
Think about it: Back-talk is addictive,
so must be handled as a serious offense. A child who talks rudely to a parent
once or twice and gets away with it will continue the behavior, and it will
progressively get worse. Most children will attempt back-talk at some point.
When a parent responds calmly and with authority the behavior will stop.
Announce your expectations: If a child
has developed a habit of back-talk it will take firm action to stop the behavior.
Have a meeting with your child to announce that back-talk will no longer
be tolerated. Decide on a series of consequences that will occur each time
back-talk occurs. Consequences may involve losing a privilege, such as telephone
use, television watching, or visits with friends. They may be an additional
chore, or an earlier bedtime. Then announce the sequence in which the
consequences will occur. "When you talk back in a disrespectful way you will
lose your telephone privileges for the day. The second offense will cause
you to lose your TV show for the night. The third will . . . Each day will
start with a clean slate." After the meeting, calmly and firmly follow
through.
Don't empower it: Whenever a child talks
back, immediately stop the conversation and walk out of the room or walk
away from the child. If the child follows you, calmly and firmly announce
that you will not tolerate disrespect, then pointedly ignore the child. Later,
when you have calmed down, decide on an appropriate consequence for the
back-talk.
Use a quarter-board:Tape your
child's allowance, in quarters, to a piece of cardboard. Tell your child
that each time he talks back to you he will lose a quarter from his allowance
as a "fine." He'll get what's left at the end of the week. If your child
uses up all the quarters, begin to add a chore, or eliminate a privilege
for each offense. Start fresh with each new week. This series of events is
meant to be a temporary "training" situation. When the problem seems under
control, let your child know that you appreciate his efforts to control the
back-talk, and that you'll no longer be charging the fine. However, make
it clear that if the behavior ever becomes a problem again, you'd be happy
to head to the bank for a roll of quarters.
Teach: If a normally respectful child
makes a disrespectful comment, look him in the eye and make a serious, firm
comment such as, "That is back-talk and is not allowed." Continue the
conversation as if the back-talk did not occur, expecting the child to comply
with your request. Do not empower the back-talk by arguing the issue that
triggered it.
(Excerpted with permission by
NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group Inc. from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary
of 1,000 Parenting Tips by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 1999)
About the Author:
Elizabeth Pantley is author
of Perfect Parenting, Kid Cooperation, and president of Better Beginnings,
Inc. She is a popular speaker on family issues. Elizabeth's newsletter, Parent
Tips is seen in schools nationwide. She appears as a regular radio show guest
and has been quoted in Parents, Parenting, Redbook, Good Housekeeping, American
Baby, Twins, Working Mother, and Woman's Day magazines.
Father's Day!
Father's Day is coming soon. Celebrate dad this year with crafts, recipes and plenty of other ideas. Here are a few examples to get you started...
Did you know that FamilyCorner has its own photo gallery? Did you know that YOU can upload your own photos to it? That's right, and it's completely free!
Here are some of the fun benefits of sharing your photos in our FC Gallery:
Send your own photos as an e-card
Watch slide shows
See beautiful sunsets and other great scenic shots
Brag about and share pictures of your loving pets
Share photos of your children and grandchildren
Create your own individual album and post in category albums
Keep your favorite pictures organized online
Rate images of other members
...more!
Join us in the FC Photo Gallery. It's completely free to use, just another fabulous reason to be a FamilyCorner subscriber.
Family Matters Radio
Hosted by Caroline & Jacquie. Choose a segment below to begin listening!
Secrets of Happily Married Women Do you feel like you are constantly on overdrive? Juggling career and family, attending to everyone's needs but your own, and all the while struggling to maintain a sense of balance and harmony in your marriage? You can actually start getting more out of your relationship by doing less and we'll tell you how with Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of Secrets of Happily Married Women. Hear part 2
When Mars and Venus Collide It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch TV. A wife returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in. We're going to find out how stress is impacting marriages today and what you can do about it when we talk with bestselling author John Gray Hear part 2
Question:
I know my kid's going
to grow up to be a lawyer! He argues whenever he's asked to do something.
He debates his rights when he's asked to stop doing something. He pleads
his case when I tell him he can't do something. He disputes every rule I
create. How can I put an end to this? 
Missed the last couple of newsletters? Haven't visited for a while? This section highlights articles and crafts that have recently been added to FC...
Start your own album by 
